To tell MIL to stop with the comments

[mariaem]

More of an "how to do this" not AIBU

I'd rather not have my husband with me during the birth. I prefer he drops me off at the hospital or heads home when the intense contractions start, and then returns once the baby and I are cleaned up. This is just how I feel, and I'm not really up for debating it, so please let's not turn this post into a discussion of pros and cons of partners being at the birth. The question is about MIL's comments and how to address them.

So, I'm about 28 weeks pregnant, and every time I see my MIL, she just won't let up with the comments like, 'Are you still planning not to have him present?' or 'Do you think he'll regret not being there?' or 'Perhaps you'll change your mind when you feel more maternal towards the end of pregnancy' I've been trying to brush it off for the past 20 weeks with responses like, 'I don't see myself changing my mind' or 'Yeah, it's what we've decided,' but she's persistent.

My husband thinks she's just shocked and wants to express her feelings, but he's never been one to stand up to her. He's more of a 'mom's always right' kinda guy. We've talked about it, and he's cool with whatever makes me comfortable on the day, ultimately I'm the one doing the work.

How can I gently but firmly address her comments? I've tried telling her that the topic makes me uncomfortable and that we've made our decision, but she seems to ignore it.

Good for your DH.

I’ve not been commenting on MN long but I have for long enough to know that an OP cannot control the direction of the discussion. When posting there is always a risk you will hear something you don’t want to or that the thread will develop a mind of its own. Caveat emptor.

Right.
So you should also know then that you can't control other peoples responses to you and people will call them out if you're being ridiculous, lacking empathy or posting harmful responses.

Of course I know that. I wouldn’t post if I wasn’t prepared for it.

I'm fairly well convinced that a lot of current posters on MN are leaching over to this site from precisely that location. And others like it.

No. In most things yes his feelings are to be considered. But when it comes to giving birth NO ONE gets a say other than the mother to be. No one.

Well back? Yes ell back as in out side the room.
I gave birth 3 times with my dh present but I'll defend any woman to fave the birth experience she chooses. Giving birth can be traumatic. No one gets a say in it as it may make it more traumatic.

But it's her body.

Once the baby is born it is both their child. Until then it's her body. Ir are you saying it's as much a man's right to demand a woman. Has an abortion too? How about he gets a say in the type of birth? Does he get control what she eats during pregnancy too?

It's none of our business. She has said what she wants. That's all we need to know. It's her body. Once baby is born he can see it. Until then it's totally her choice.

Vain? Is that the limit of your imagination? Seriously?

Giving birth can be deeply traumatic. Who the heck are you or any one else thinking that a woman giving birth is not the most important person in the room. That someone else's experience is more important than hers. That adding to her trauma is acceptable so long as the man is satisfied. Shocking nasty cruel misogynistic attitude.

Bet you agree with the husband stitch also. To be tighter for him after birth. To hell with the fact that she might find sex painful forever as a result. So long as your precious son is prioritised huh

What, like a special performance for him. Watch the little lady you are not in a relationship with give birth to your child. Because the man's experience is far far more important than the woman's right?

At dinner she was all quiet and huffy puffy, told us she disagrees with the colour we've done for the nursery and disagrees with our child having 2 middle names,

You have a problem on your hands OP

A surprising number of people apparently do think giving birth is a spectator sport 🙄.

At dinner she was all quiet and huffy puffy, told us she disagrees with the colour we've done for the nursery and disagrees with our child having 2 middle names, which I think was the final straw for me so I said "I guess you'll have to get used to not agreeing with the decisions we make!"

I think that was an excellent and well timed response, OP. Makes it clear you see what she is up to and you won’t be cowed.

@Nantescalling yes I did hence 'not oppose to it or debating it.'

Her body, her choice.