AIBU to not want to subsidise friends’ children?

[MeanAsBeans]

A friend seems to think that only adults count per head when paying in restaurants. Her 2 are soon to be 9 and 11 and eat more than I do from the adult menu. AIBU to think that the split doesn’t only include adults?

And while we’re on the subject as Spring is getting closer we’ve been discussing trips/outings. A friend of a friend has joined us a few times and more than once has expected others to cover admission fees for her children because “They’re only children”

I don’t have children yet and I’m happy to buy the odd treat for kids l, an ice cream or sweets or similar but I draw the line at regularly covering costs.

AIBU?

I would never have expected anyone else to subsidise parts of my family.

You haven't enabled voting but I think that YANBU. My kids are my responsibility to pay for.

You need separate bills. She's got a nerve if there are four people dining, three from her family, and she wants you to pay half.

Most people bend over backwards to cover more than their fair share. Such poor behaviour. You need to be upfront about what you are paying and bin friends who take advantage.

CF’ery of the highest order.

Just split the bill to reflect who ate what? It’s really easy..

Of course you’re not being unreasonable, she knows you’re not either but just being a CF and trying it on. Time has come for a hard stop- next time you’re arranging a meet-up day “yes that would be lovely, but as the kids are so grown up and eating like adults now I can’t keep splitting their bill too”

just be aware that if you stop being a mug, subsidising their outings then you may see their true colours them less

I would only do free things with her. Ride on every level! I often split the bill with my best friend but we have two kids each and both fortunate enough to not have to worry over a few quid difference.

She's a CF.

Tell her to get lost. Even if the kids ate a single grape each, she's got a nerve expecting anyone else to pay for them.

Nope, she’s very cheeky. Split the bill according to what each family has had rather than a down the middle split with different amounts of people. Just say “I had x and x so mine is £x. CF, looks like you guys have £x to pay”. Don’t entertain anything different.

Where are these people in RL?

I can't imagine ever having these kinds of issues

Always at the start say that you are going to be paying for yours and yours only.

Bloody cheek, I have two children and I pay for them!

Friends don’t behave like that

I completely agree. The man of one family we used to socialise with (note USED to) always asserted a "split per adult". He had three children - we had one - so he was effectively getting a subsidy! You don't have any kids so that's even worse deal for you!

In the flip side my arsehole BIL (no kids) used to split the bill per person and allocate three shares to our family. That would have been fine but he allocated the whole bill in equal shares even though our son had a kids meal and a fruit shoot whilst BIL had had three courses, wine and a double brandy! (He expected a lift home too.) I quickly learnt to request a separate tab for our immediate family.

Split the bill according to what ppl ate. I was the polar opposite if I went out with an adult friend and my children-I would cover them, because I was grateful to have the adult company/help! She’s a CF.

Cheeky little madam.

I had a friend try that once. I soon put her straight.

She's out of order. If I was put for lunch with my family and one friend, I'd probably cover the whole bill (but I appreciate I'm lucky to be able to do that).

*Where are these people in RL?

I can't imagine ever having these kinds of issues

You’re very lucky if you’ve never encountered a freeloader/cheeky fucker. There’s plenty of them out there.

I had just the same experience last weekend. 5 families on weekend away. All in couples (kids grown up) apart from one family with 2 quite hefty teenage boys (eating adult portions). Split the bill by 5 not 12. It happened twice. The judgement I got... made to feel tight - which I may have been but it was also not fair!

@shortsaint Teenagers often eat far more than adults, my. DS (15) certainly does!

I don't know why you don't just tot up what you had and when the bill comes, give your card and ask the server to put x amount on it?

You shouldn't have to say at the start that you aren't paying for anyone else's dinner. Why would you be paying for someone else's dinner? If I sat down for dinner with someone and they said 'I'm not paying for your dinner' I would be really pissed off. It implies they thought I expected them to. I would never be comfortable saying something so rude.
When the bill comes say something along the lines of 'there's the £30 for mine and a £5 tip'. If they 'no, your share is £70' say 'no, I just had a main for £20, a £6 dessert and a coke. The £35 covers it all and a tip.'. Then they would have to actually ask would you pay for their meals too. They are not likely to do that and if they do you could easily say no to that.

I’ve come across lots of CFs. I just haven’t made friends with them and agreed to trips out where I cover their costs.

Paying in restaurants - before we even walked through the door I'd be saying "I'll be asking for a separate bill today." If that CF queries it, I'd be pointing out that the children are not eating free, the restaurant charges for what the children eat, and that's her responsibility not mine. In fact, best to point it out when the arrangement to go to a restaurant is made (Thursday? Yes, lovely. Just to give you a heads-up, I'll be asking for a separate bill when we go to restaurants from now on. Why? Because paying part of your bill, for your children's meals, means I'm paying far more than my share, and the unfairness is starting to rankle.)

Admission fees - “They’re only children”. Your response should be along the lines of "Yes - your children. Why do you think you shouldn't be paying?"

Basic rule of dealing with CFs - expect them to be CFs and be ready to deal with their CFerry immediately. Let embarrassment and 'good manners' be strangers to you. Revel in your bluntness!