AIBU to not want to subsidise friends’ children?

[MeanAsBeans]

A friend seems to think that only adults count per head when paying in restaurants. Her 2 are soon to be 9 and 11 and eat more than I do from the adult menu. AIBU to think that the split doesn’t only include adults?

And while we’re on the subject as Spring is getting closer we’ve been discussing trips/outings. A friend of a friend has joined us a few times and more than once has expected others to cover admission fees for her children because “They’re only children”

I don’t have children yet and I’m happy to buy the odd treat for kids l, an ice cream or sweets or similar but I draw the line at regularly covering costs.

AIBU?

I would say next time your invited, lovely, look forward to it, but things are a little bit tight at the moment so i will pay for myself separately.
Make sure your first to pay and just pay for what you have/done, add it up as you order so you know how much it is.

Outrageous and rude. Of course you don’t need to cover thier children. It’s not on at all.

Bloody hell, I have 2 kids and some childless friends/friends whose kids are older and off their hands, and would never expect any of them to subsidise my kids if we were out with them! Go for lunch, I pay for mine and my kids, they pay for themselves.

NBU No need to do the bill splitting yourselves. When we order with friends or family, we always say whose meals go together on the same bill at the start. Never had an issue with the server. They'll even split shared dishes or desserts if you ask them.

But why go out with them in the first place? It wouldn’t occur to me to go on outings with loads of noisy kids and their freeloading mothers.
ALSO Why do so many people have kids and expect everyone else to pay for them? They use school as a baby sitting service, they expect tax credits, they get a weekly family allowance for just having them. Then we have the real gems who allow them to run riot in public places. I live in Norfolk. It’s now tourist season. How do I know? The little darlings rip up flowers beds, throw plastic food containers everywhere apart from the bin. Run in the road playing football. It’s as if they think the place doesn’t have people who actually live here.
BAN parents and kids🚧🚧🚧🚧🚧🚧🚧🚧🚧🚧🚧🚧🚧🚧🚧🚧🚧🚧🚧

A bit different, but we used to go out for birthday meals as a department, and we all paid in cash at the end of the meal. We were all on good money, so it was just divided up, none of that "I didn't have wine/dessert" nonesense, so it was all friendly and efficient. We all passed our payment, plus tip, down to the woman who always collected it. Years went by before we realised she was using the tip money to buy her own meal and the staff had never received a tip. CF indeed.

Oh god , been there with someone !
I took one of my daughters with me to lunch , other person had their 2 teenage sons + their youngest son who was about 12 .
Myself and daughter had one small main each , I drank tap water and she had one Diet Coke because it was ( to me. ) quite an expensive place .
we hadn’t planned where we were going to eat and the cafe I thought we would head to was full .
as you can imagine her sons ate loads and had a couple of soft drinks.
the mum had a larger main + large glass of wine .
but it’s “ oh let’s split the bill you’re paying half “ was said with meaningful tone of voice and facial expression.

I used to always work it out when dining out with my DCs and other people.

However, there was one holiday with 5 couples, only two of them had children, us and one other. 3 tiny kids (3 and under). We ate out about 3 times during the course of the week and the kids shared a plain pizza and had water, possibly an ice cream. This was abroad and a long time ago, so we're talking about a couple of euros. Both sets of parents offered to pay their share but the rest of the group said don't be silly, it's peanuts etc.

I assumed the whole group were ok with this until the last night and one couple made a point of ordering lobster, champagne etc 'to get their money's worth'.

YANBU. Also never come across this or similar in real life.

This is why you should never spend someone else's money for them. Seems like some members of the group weren't in agreement with the DPs not chipping in a bit more for their share.

Reminds me of a group meal where a couple of the men had expensive starters and steaks. They offered to put in a bit more, but one of the group said that no we would split it equally same as always which ticked me off a bit, but didn't say anything as didn't want to appear mean.

It's nothing to do with being able to afford it - it's to do with being fair!

They offered to put in a bit more, but one of the group said that no we would split it equally same as always which ticked me off a bit, but didn't say anything as didn't want to appear mean.

Sane and mean are different things though.

We gave up trying to avoid paying a share of wine we don't drink. People can be so rude about it. Now, we either drink beer with food or if there are aperitifs, we have 2 or3!! The wine is often as expensive as the food so I used to make a fuss!

I do this- I just say 'I'll pay for mine' at the start. I don't drink alcohol if I am out with female friends and usually have two courses. I find split bills cost me a lot more than I have actually ordered. Meanwhile those who have 3 courses, wine, pre-dinner drinks and something alcoholic to finish off are quids in if the bill is split.

@Nantescalling Even if you say at the start, we're paying seperately to the waiter when ordering? I think I'd stop going out with them for food :)

I'm sure most if not all of us have encountered CFs, but most of us would just say 'no' to an unreasonable request rather than posting on here asking if it's normal (knowing full well it isn't).

Are you hoping they're on here and reading the replies?

lol. Love this 🤣

I didn’t see the deleted post but the poster’s name says it all. The 🤮name is a bit beyond the pale.

I can imagine that part. What I can't imagine is meekly paying up.

I have always disliked group eating out whether children are there or not. Too many tiresome experiences with picky bill splitting, some people objecting to leaving tips, on occasions some getting away with paying at all, freeloaders, complainers and cheapskates.

Now at age 70+ the meals out I enjoy the most are where DH and I are alone, order as much or as little as we like, pay the bill, leave a tip and go 😊

Only pay for what you have. Never understand why people don't stand up for themselves.

With someone like this you go to places that you pay when you order.

Time to do some research!

My in-laws and parents will often treat our kids and pay for them. but I've never heard of doing that with friends. If a friend had a toddler who had a £5 meal I probably wouldn't insist they pay £5 extra. But two kids eating adult meals is taking the mess.

I fail to see how you can have two hefty teenagers and be unaware how much they eat. You don't look at a teenager polishing off a main with side orders of chips and vegetable plus a pudding and think that you're feeding a small toddler. I would never expect anybody else to cover my children's food costs or admission to a venue. It would never even occur to me as a possibility.

You're not unreasonable, I would never think to not split the bill proportionately. We have a family we go away with regularly they're a family of 3 we are one of 5. Accommodation wise normally we do just split between the two families so we each pay half but when it come to meals/tickets etc we always split it fairly and it works both ways for instance we would pay a heftier bill at a resteraunt but they don't always get to go to the places they necessarily want to go to because often them paying for 2 adults and a free or very cheap child vs us paying 2 adults and five normal kids tickets means a cheapish day out for them would be too extortionate for us so we have to find middle ground somewhere else. If we use vouchers we split the money saved between all 8 of us so we all get a bit off rather than just one family but all of this is discussed and organised over a shared takeaway before we even go. I think you need to be firm and organise more exactly who is paying for what before you go anywhere with those people so they know where you stand beforehand.