AIBU to not want to subsidise friends’ children?

[MeanAsBeans]

A friend seems to think that only adults count per head when paying in restaurants. Her 2 are soon to be 9 and 11 and eat more than I do from the adult menu. AIBU to think that the split doesn’t only include adults?

And while we’re on the subject as Spring is getting closer we’ve been discussing trips/outings. A friend of a friend has joined us a few times and more than once has expected others to cover admission fees for her children because “They’re only children”

I don’t have children yet and I’m happy to buy the odd treat for kids l, an ice cream or sweets or similar but I draw the line at regularly covering costs.

AIBU?

I mean I’d just not have allowed that habit to have started but genuinely none of my friends or myself would expect people to subsidise our kids. I have one child and most of my friends have two or three and I’m never expected to pay for theirs, nor do I expect my child free friends to pay for mine. It’s a case of either address it bluntly (since it’s the only way these people seem to “realise” their ways) or just don’t invite them anywhere you’ll be purchasing something. Let brisk spring walks and coffees in a flask be your friend!

Of course YANBU

Especially at that age.

maybe next time just pay for yourselves and say you're watching the pennies so you'll just cover yourselves

If they really think what they're doing now is an even split anyway then they shouldn't mind!

yanbu. Just ask for separate bills.

Just pay for your own

I wouldn't do a split per head in case it isn't equal (such as if adults are drinking), but would pay for what I had. If you can share a family ticket I'd get her to pay and then give her the standard adult admission.

When the bill comes I would say " do you want to get it and il transfer you £20 " (or whatever YOUR bill comes to) - she won't be so bold as to ask why you are not sending more to cover her children surely?

That's not on. We always make sure to cover the price of our DCs. When they were little, we'd work out what they'd had and put that on our bill (if the bill was being split by head count) but as soon as they are eating adult priced food etc they need to be included in the headcount.
I wouldn't even consider other people paying towards their admissions or anything! Basically you pay for your own kids. Nobody else is expected to!

friend of a friend has joined us a few times and more than once has expected others to cover admission fees for her children because “They’re only children”

I have honestly never encountered such CFery. I wouldn’t have paid if I did!

What sort of places are you going with admission prices for children? Are you paying in advance? I’d just say I’ll get my own ticket.

I am single, my brother has 2 kids ( so 4 people when we go out) and my parents are a couple. When we used to go out my parents would always go “let’s split it three ways” because they wanted to treat the grandkids (on my money), and it would encourage my brother to bring the family out more. The first couple of times I protested they would push back saying the maths was to complicated now I just grab the bill and say I’ll sort the maths shall I? People always know when they are being CF

If you're going on outings, get her to book the tickets and then transfer her the money. A massive CF!!!!!

DH has got good at grabbing the bill and doing the maths, much to his brother's sad face.

If someone has 2 kids and someone has 3 then it makes sense to just split the bill sometimes if no one’s bothered but no way should you pay for their kids to eat. Unless you’re having stake and 10 cocktails!

Bring cash the next time and say you are paying separately as you need change.

Don’t be a mug again!!

Why are you not speaking up and saying I'll just pay for myself? Stop being a mug!

You see, I personally couldn’t be friends with these people. I would just fall out of contact.

If it happened once, I would probably be so blindsided I’d pay.
the second time I would have my excuse ready, if that wasn’t taken serious….
Ghost them.

We always did this until I went out with my dd and my friend and her 2 dc.
Because my dd was a light eater she was never allowed a starter as she wouldn’t eat her mains. She was allowed dessert.

Friend actively encouraged her 2 to order every course, most of which got binned and then obviously we split the bill.
So I effectively subbed her 2 dc’s starters which I wouldn’t have minded if the dc had eaten their food.

Yes they are only children, you're not expecting the children themselves to pay or contribute now, are you? It's their parent - presumably an adult - who should pay.

If you go to pizza express the app lets you pick your bits of the bill and pay for yourself

@MeanAsBeans I don't understand this. Always, always, always say separate orders when ordering food and when paying for anything else, just say one adult please or whoever you're paying for. Absolutely no need for debate and if you're 'friends' don't like it then you can do free things together in instead.

You are not being unreasonable. It's like when you are out for a drinks and a couple think they can pay for a round of drinks as one unit and not two individuals.

Definitely don't pay for the children. But better still, dump anyone who would do this - they are not a friend!

Well children arent actually wage earners. I wouldnt object. But if you do object then dont go out with them for meals.

If they’re eating off the adult menu, then they’re classed as an. Adult, and their parent should pick up their portion of the bill.

However, if you’ve never spoken up, you’re partly to fault. Next time, speak up and stop allowing this situation to occur.

My DB tried this once. DB, SIL, & 12 yo nephew each had 3 courses.
DH & I skipped pud.
DB wanted to pay half, I pointed out 9:4 is not half.
Luckily, my DSIL is sensible & accused DB of being a tight-fisted git.
Very unpleasant, now stick to eating in each others homes.

I'd be telling her it's time for a change..
And splitting the bill by 4.
Or go to a place where one kid eats free per paying abult