AIBU to not want to subsidise friends’ children?

[MeanAsBeans]

A friend seems to think that only adults count per head when paying in restaurants. Her 2 are soon to be 9 and 11 and eat more than I do from the adult menu. AIBU to think that the split doesn’t only include adults?

And while we’re on the subject as Spring is getting closer we’ve been discussing trips/outings. A friend of a friend has joined us a few times and more than once has expected others to cover admission fees for her children because “They’re only children”

I don’t have children yet and I’m happy to buy the odd treat for kids l, an ice cream or sweets or similar but I draw the line at regularly covering costs.

AIBU?

On days out if there was another adult I'd often cover the cost of a family ticket including the other adult myself, or just ask for the difference between the adult and kids tickets I was buying anyway.

This is how you deal with it.

My relative does this with their eating off the adult menu kids. Apparently because my baby eats bits (literally bits) off my plate and others it's all square. I kicked up a fuss and it doesn't happen now.

YANBU at all, my best friend is single and childfree, when she's with us we just pay her share as splitting out one meal out of 5 just seems silly.

WhereYouLeftIt is right (as is her username) - CFers have no shame, you need to have no shame back and be just as up front.

because yes, I have similar aged kids, and they eat adult portions now - you absolutely shouldn't be subsidising them as a matter of course (treating is different, but this isn't that)

YANBU at all, my best friend is single and childfree, when she's with us we just pay her share as splitting out one meal out of 5 just seems silly.

And absolutely this - one more person is a drop in the ocean, and I'm just thankful for the company - paying for a single friend is the least I can do if they're tagging along with me and the kids!

I know somebody like this. We only go out for dinner on holidays. She divides the bill per head and then decides how much she will pay. Bear in mind her two teenagers eat and she drinks gin. She puts what she considers her amount and others (couples) make up the shortfall.

Yea they're children, but her children not yours! Say that next time!

When the bill comes take it to the counter. Pay your portion then go hand her the bill back for her share...

If you still want to go places together and want damage limitation - I would only go to places where I can buy my entry in advance, so no chance for her to split the cost.

I'd also get in first and say to the restaurant staff before I order anything 'can we have seperate bills please?'

In truth, I'd probably stop going places with her altogether.

Who the everliving fuck turns up to a paid activity with children in tow and expects someone else to pay them in?
I can't even imagine the scenario. Never seen anything like it.

Also shocked at splitting the bill like that. How absolutely mercenary. How is she not mortified by her own audacity?

I genuinely don’t understand threads like this, or how many of them crop up on here.

Surely the real question is how there can be so many people prepared to let themselves be walked all over time after time?
People can only be CF’s if you let them!

I would ask the server for separate checks before I order my selection or something like 2 checks please. You say it to the server not her so it avoids an uncomfortable
conversation and she hears you so it’s done. Once you do this a very few times you get comfortable with it and it’s fine. I don’t like to pay for anyone when eating out. I don’t order expensive entrees or expensive alcohol. Now if I want to treat someone I say….my treat please one check to me. I just find I can enjoy myself more and feel good about the get together if I pay for only myself. It’s very rare you can’t order separately or have split checks.

Cheeky fucker extraordinaire

But...to even attempt such a thing? What goes on in the mind?

This is where you get you blunt head on. Make it crystal clear beforehand that you are paying your entry fee and your meal. Even offer to paypal cf the cost of your meal and drink and she pays the bill

Just split the bill by what you had. The waiting staff can always do that if you ask. Then pay first (not forgetting tip/service) and leave the rest to the CFs! That’s outrageous and I’d never ask it if any of my friends. Or vice versa. Outings ?- that is just too weird, again I would never expect anyone to subsidise my kids. If someone offered I’d say no thanks. It’s just weird.

Absolutely not. You should not be liable for their children.

YANBU!! I’d never suggest this.

Your friend is a CF but if you don't tell her then you are going to keep paying.

This is ridiculous. Just hold strong. Get your own bill. Don’t back down.

Do you think she maybe hasn’t caught up with the age of her kids in her head. They are still the little tots who used to get in free/ be cheap?

I agree that you have to be absolutely direct preferably when making the arrangements. Look online for the prices so you can say “that’s lovely, let’s have a look, oh Fuckery House is £9.00 for me and £20 for your family ticket, sounds good ” so she knows the score upfront. And say that you need to budget so you’ll be asking for a separate bill at the restaurant. No one can argue with that.

In the restaurant I would take cash, get the bill, and leave cash for yours with the bill ready for her to pay hers. If she says you owe more, ask why, and then repeat "but they're not my children." for as many times as it takes.

Same goes for admission fees CFer: if you're booking in advance book individually, or if paying on the day pay for yourself only. Don't whatever you do get into the situation when you are booking for the group and she doesn't pay you properly for her children's entry. If somebody else booked for the group (including her) send only the amount for yourself. If asked why you only paid X amount: "because that's how much my ticket is." if they say "but we always split the children" then again, it's "but they're not my children." on repeat.

I know I quoted @WhereYouLeftIt's suggestion on how to deal with it but having taken some more time to think about it, what I would probably do is not tell her anything ahead of time but when the waiting staff would come to take my order (or even beforehand by contacting the restaurant directly), and when they arrive on separate dishes (you know the things that the printed till receipt or bill comes delivered to your table on) just say "Oh I'm only paying for my lot today. You have to pay for your lot."
It'll take her by surprise and tough shit if she hadn't budgeted for all of her lot.

Same if you're going to an outdoor activity e.g. the zoo, I'd actually arrange my tickets beforehand and rock up with them already purchased so that you are not expected to work out some weird family rate or whatever.

It would only take one or two times (maximum) for her to realise that you're no longer going to subbing her lot when you're out and about.

There is a lot to be said for the boy scout mantra of "Be Prepared"! It works in many many many walks of life 😆

Seriously OP, dump this freeloader.