AIBU to not want to subsidise friends’ children?

[MeanAsBeans]

A friend seems to think that only adults count per head when paying in restaurants. Her 2 are soon to be 9 and 11 and eat more than I do from the adult menu. AIBU to think that the split doesn’t only include adults?

And while we’re on the subject as Spring is getting closer we’ve been discussing trips/outings. A friend of a friend has joined us a few times and more than once has expected others to cover admission fees for her children because “They’re only children”

I don’t have children yet and I’m happy to buy the odd treat for kids l, an ice cream or sweets or similar but I draw the line at regularly covering costs.

AIBU?

We always just buy our own tickets unless it’s cheaper to get a family ticket and work out what is owed. I’d never expect anyone to pay for my children or expect to be paying for someone else’s unless I’d specifically said so.

YANBU, you need to get different friends who aren't freeloaders.

That’s so cheeky !
When you place your food order tell the member of staff you’d like yours on a separate bill please. If your friend pulls a face let her !

Anywhere you go with an entrance fee, meet them in there, not outside so no chance of them trying to shaft you !
If they try to prebook tickets insist you’ll get yours yourself separately.
I’d have probably told them to fuck off by now though.

My grandchildren must have hollow legs the amount they can put away.

I really, REALLY want to hear from an honest to goodness CF. Are you just chancers? Do you not care what people think or what position your audacity puts people in? Are the rest of us just idiots to you for going along with it? I am genuinely really curious

@MeanAsBeans

No way should your friend ever expect you or anyone else who is a friend of hers, to subsides her family expenses whilst out for the day anywhere whether it's more local or further afield...

you are not her children's grandparents or family members of theirs...

If you want to give her children a drink
or
ice cream that's 🍦 a treat and up to you,

Your friend with children is a one of hell of a piss taker of highest order,

Who the hell does she think she is...

Completely agree with you. It's one thing to offer a treat, quite another to just expect you to pay for meals.

Put your foot down!!

I don’t get why just picking up your own tab is seen as being cheap! You’re literally paying for what you’ve had! Madness!

It's not just people with kids that do this. I used to go for occasional meals out with a small group of women. Most of us had soft drinks as we were driving. One woman though, who always insisted we went to this same restaurant near her so that she didn't have to drive, (the rest of us had to drive due to the location) would be knocking back several double brandies during the meal. Then she'd want to split the bill equally.

Madness. If she was a bit squiffy and worked it out wrong that would be one thing but to calculate it and then actively decide that others should subsidise her family blows my mind!

A similar thing happened once with my BIL and his wife. Went out for a meal with them and DH (first time meeting them). Their share of the bill was around £55 and ours £25. I would have happily split the bill in half but SIL took £25 out of her purse and put it in the table, silence ensued. BIL said I think our share was more than that. She quickly replied ‘no it wasn’t’ but after prompting from BIL she parsimoniously slid an extra £5 from her purse, then closed it and put it back in her bag. Other family members were on a table adjacent and when I looked over they were just grinning at us. Then I realised BIL/SIL had form for doing this which is why the others sat separately and wouldn’t split the bill with them. Wish I’d questioned it more at the time but I was genuinely flummoxed!

YANBU CF

I would be caught out by this once at a push, this person is no friend.

If a single friend comes out with our family I am more inclined to pay for them!

YANBU - don’t let your ‘friend’ take advantage of you again, the cheeky fucker!

I bet her opinion will change if you have kids and hers are no longer wanting to come out for meals and days out

Before I had DC I had a friend, from uni days, who had one child and behaved exactly as you describe. She expected me to buy birthday and Christmas presents for her and her daughter, split bills 50/50 (even when daughter was 10), buy treats, Easter eggs, babysit etc but I had one, always very cheap, present in return, often home-made by the DD.
It wasn't the money, it was the feeling that I was always taken for a mug. She was comfortably off.

No, this is crazy. Occasionally we have split the bill between us and another family, we have 3 kids- 1 eats a baby portion- they have 2. I’m not about to split hairs with long term friends over a baby bowl. But your situation is crazy, that wouldn’t fly here.

Is this really happening to you? I cannot fathom behaving like your friends are, to be honest. I have an LO and I assume that she’s my responsibility when it comes to everything.

I don't mind covering a bit, but the expectation to always do this would annoy me. Don't know how to vote on the app, but no, YANBU.

Same for groups made up of singles and couples. Some couples treat themselves as one entity when it comes to buying rounds /splitting the bill - unless they're going to be sharing a drink or a meal, they are two people - stop asking single people to subsidise them!

My DB and SIL have form for this, constantly. I especially resent it because their DC are quite overweight so in addition to a doormat I feel like I'm enabling some negative behaviours and damaging them for life. But how do you say "your children don't belong at buffets"?

I'd just say when the waiter/waitress comes 'just to let uou know ahead of time we will be on separate bills, in case you process those in a different way.'

Also who would say in front of their children 'they're only children', if I was the child I'd be embarrassed. If someone said that to me I'd just say, well I'm only one person so if you'd like me to pay part of two additional bills perhaps you can just cover mine instead which would be cheaper.' Well, I'd think of it and other rude comments, IRL I'd actually just say 'separate bills please, I'd like to pay XX ' to the server.

Never undestood why groups of people share a bill at restaurants, thats a very odd habit to me. Everyone pays for they eat and what their children eat. Just say from now on everyone pays what their family eats.

The friend of a friend is just absolutely bonkers. Again, everyone pays for themselves and their children.

That's not a friend, that's a user!

Just pay for your own! Waiting staff are used to split bills

Right?!

I read about the most extraordinary behaviour on MN.

I feel like I’ve just never socialised with anybody who behaves this shockingly!

If one of my “friends” tried this I’d be truly flabbergasted.

Can't you ditch these CFs and find some better friends?