In-laws want their deposit back

[ArnosLeach]

I married 5 years ago and I have a three and a half year old and a nearly nine year old from a short lived relationship.

Full background as I am anticipating the questions I would want answering.

The nine year old sees their father once a month for a weekend. I assume that my ‘ex’ owns his house. He had a vasectomy before our child was born. We do not communicate on any level other than if arrangements need to change. He pays a set amount every month but every month will buy shoes/clothes etc.

We moved into the house my husband had bought fifteen years before. It has doubled in value. Following a miscarriage last year we are trying to conceive again and we are looking to move house. We mentioned this to the in-laws a fortnight ago. I did not know that they had provided DH with deposit.
They have now asked for twice the deposit back comprising the original sum and the proportion of what that deposit has added to the value.

They feel that my elder child will benefit from their largesse. We are both completely gutted by this. A bolt out of the blue.

Anyone arguing with that?!

ILs clearly don't care. That's their choice and decision.

@CatherinedeBourgh except in the OP's case, the in-laws are clearly very present in the step-child's life.

As it is the step-child sees their parents only once a month. We don't know what relationship they have with their paternal grandparents. It may not be very close at all.

They can write their wills however they like going forward if they don't want the step-child to get anything from them. But to expect double the money back - or any money back - from what was a gift is absolutely a slap in the face.

I've got step-kids, btw - they are in their early 20s now and I've known them since they were tiny, although they didn't live with us. But I can tell you categorically if we had been in a Emilia situation, my father would never have asked us for that kind of thing.

I really didn't want to post anything that may be perceived as unkind.

Look, many parents don't want their kids marrying beneath them or marrying people with kids 'baggage as one poster tried to explain how parents see it' and they probably expected their son to marry someone who could contribute at least half of expenses especially if they come attached etc etc or even marrying different religion or race. Yes, abhorrent but that's just that.

In Op's situation, if she really loves her DH, she should be grateful DH was not stopped from marrying her or given 'words' when they married. SO, OP must focus on her relationship with DH please. Which is all these parents want for DH and OP. I would have had more sympathies if they refused him or used this gift as a way to stop the wedding- but they didn't. They just want their money back at an opportune time. You have your soulmate, so the 2 of you should focus on that. I would, and rightly so!

Wtf have I just read?

Missed the point completely in ALL your PPs.

ILs gifted 15 years ago. They have no legal right to ask for it back. Consequently it is irrelevant if OP knew about it or not.

The sudden request has floored the OP and DH because 1) it seems motivated by ill feeling toward OP and her DC and 2) because most people don’t have a spare £80k knocking around, let alone £160k, to hand over upon demand, 3) OP’s DH is upset by his parent’s actions.

None of the vicious comments you have offered have been necessary or legally informative. Pop off now. And perhaps change your handle as forgiveness and hope are not your forté, are they?

It is odd

@ForgivenessHope has zero posting history aside from her 5 posts on this thread 🤔

@ForgivenessHope

I really didn't want to post anything that may be perceived as unkind.

And yet you've managed to.

A load of old toot.

I'm sure we all bow to your extensive legal knowledge and expertise 🤣🤣🤣

Hardly ethical to keep money you had zero effort in accumulating, but then greed is a terrible motivation

None of us know what the arrangement was with poster's partner all those years ago. It was 'gifted'- because it is the only way to avoid tax. But we don't know if that was with the understanding and promise, that if he ever was in a position to repay (and as the house has doubled in price, this could be understood to be the case), he would repay. I can understand OP to feel that perhaps it is because of her son not beign their biological grandchild. She could be right, or totally wrong, on this one. We just don't know.

OP has to have full and open discussion with her partner, and find out what the actual arrangements were. 'Gifted' was probably just about avoiding tax for son, and not actually meant as a gift, but a loan until he could repay. However expecting to repay double is wrong- you don't charge family interest.

I'm sure we all bow to your extensive legal knowledge and expertise

It's standard UK law. Unless there's an actual contract stating at the money was a loan with conditions, which it doesn't sound like it was, then it was a gift and the OPs husband is under no legal obligation to return a penny of it.

Tell me you’re a boomer without telling me you’re a boomer 😂

Because she made zero effort in the acquisition of the wealth. It was a gift to him not her. But I guess greed is a terrible motivation to keep it all.... My precious

Legally unless it's in writing as a loan, he does not need to repay anything. Personally I would return the 80,000 and say thank you. However as this happened before your time, I would let DH have those conversations.

interesting

both @Glen190238 and @ForgivenessHope BOTH have zero posting history aside from this thread

🤔

The parents don't just want their original 80k back, they want double. If that's not greed, I don't know what is! If they considered themselves part owners of the house, where were their contributions to upkeep, council tax etc?

@Glen190238 you can't just make shit up and say this money is legally owed. Unless there's a contract to say it is, then it's a gift. The parents have even said so.

As for the pp saying parents don't want their kids to marry beneath them or come with baggage, wtf is that? Marrying a woman who has a child is beneath them?
If they wanted Italian law to apply to their kids, they should have had them and raised them in Italy and not in UK, where the OP is an equal partner legally to her husband and where the marital home is considered a marital asset!

And it doesn't matter if the OP has contributed 50% financially - it's between her and her husband and fuck all to do with his parents. Gifts shouldn't come either strings!

I mean, you know where you stand now OP.

I think doubling the investment is a bit strange. To ensure no one is out of pocket, I’d give them the deposit they put in plus any interest that may have accumulated. Then I’d distance myself from them.

This happened to a friend of mine and it was to prevent her from moving. So she stayed but ended up divorced. Anyway even if you did pay them back it would be as a percentage. Hiw did they equate the amount they have demanded? If the purchase price was £200K then then £50k equate to 25%. However without legal agreement they are entitled to nothing. If this was their expectation they should have had their names on the deeds at time of purchase.

There are some absolute looney posts on here! Anyway, back to the point, I've only just seen OP's update from this morning. That poor kid, all the mean little exclusions. Just a little dig here and there. As I said in my first post on this thread, the parents are spiteful.

I've only just seen OP's update from this morning. That poor kid, all the mean little exclusions. Just a little dig here and there. As I said in my first post on this thread, the parents are spiteful.

and the Op thoroughly weak for letting her son down by not advocating for him for most of his life. Until… money is involved

No the OP has split up with her oldest child's father. Her current DH ( who is the son of this pair of charmers) are still together and wanting to move house as they are planning more DC.

My advise to dc would be to exclude your deposit legally. In the case of a split you get that back. Also, if the mortgage payments are unequal and dc is paying significantly more, this should also be legally documented and reflected in the proportion you get back if the house is sold in a split. Keep all finances separate. This is if you have, earn or bring more in to a marriage.

My advise to my dc would not be just if I was gifting the deposit but also their own savings and earnings. It’s common sense. Applies to your son or daughter.

Would there be strings to my deposit gift? Yes, I would want an undertaking in writing that the deposit would be returned to my dc in the case if a split. How it would be worded would be advised by a solicitor.

If it was the other way and my dc had to sign away something, I would be fine, you cannot be hypocritical.

When my daughter and bf bought their house we gifted them money for the deposit. We signed a legal agreement that we could not take it back.
Having said that, if this all took place before you came on the scene, leave hubby to deal with it and refuse to discuss it with them. If he wants to give them the money back then that is his call. I wouldn't get involved as somehow you will get the blame!