In-laws want their deposit back

[ArnosLeach]

I married 5 years ago and I have a three and a half year old and a nearly nine year old from a short lived relationship.

Full background as I am anticipating the questions I would want answering.

The nine year old sees their father once a month for a weekend. I assume that my ‘ex’ owns his house. He had a vasectomy before our child was born. We do not communicate on any level other than if arrangements need to change. He pays a set amount every month but every month will buy shoes/clothes etc.

We moved into the house my husband had bought fifteen years before. It has doubled in value. Following a miscarriage last year we are trying to conceive again and we are looking to move house. We mentioned this to the in-laws a fortnight ago. I did not know that they had provided DH with deposit.
They have now asked for twice the deposit back comprising the original sum and the proportion of what that deposit has added to the value.

They feel that my elder child will benefit from their largesse. We are both completely gutted by this. A bolt out of the blue.

What is the house value now and will it detriment you if you were to give them £160K?

Was it made clear it was to be paid back with profit?

So their issue is that if you move house, you will own it 50/50 with your DH. Then, your eldest will benefit from a share of this when it comes to a potential inheritance.

Are you in England? Do they not realise that as a married couple you already have a stake in the existing home?

How much do they hate you, or more specifically, your eldest child?

what's your AIBU? If it's to be gutted and annoyed then of course not. They are not only being petty and saying they don't see your eldest son (and likely you) as their family but also want to specifically disadvantage their son and grandson by putting the whole family at a huge financial disadvantage. They sound horrible.

If it's to consider giving them what they're asking for, absolutely not. They have no legal right to it (unless DH specifically agreed to those exact conditions, which seems very unlikely) and they have already damaged the relationship, possibly irretrievably, by asking so you're not losing anything by saying no.

At the absolute most if I were DH I'd consider giving the original deposit back plus interest (so what that would be worth now) but they have no claim on the amount the house has increased by! And even if I did that I wouldn't ever want to see or speak to them again so it would be a lose/lose to both parties.

Set it out in a Will not a Deed of Trust

They'll have had to sign a document declaring that the deposit help was a gift. So they legally don't have a leg to stand on asking for any of it back, never mind double the amount.

There is no easy solution you are in a no win situation.

One thing I would say is that they have no regard for you at all.

Relations have already been soured haven't they? His parents don't give a shit about soured relations

Genuinely if my parents did this I would consider cutting contact. It's not about the money but about their spiteful attitude to someone I'd chosen to have in my life, and the fact they are willing to lower the quality of life for their family for the sake of OPs DC 'benefitting'

They’d have to pay cgt too wouldn’t they?

Blimey how do they treat your eldest boy? They sound awful.

Wow this is really nasty of them to do this purely because you have an older child.

Do you get along with them generally? Because this would really sour the relationship for me, I don't see how I could get past it.

They'd rather see your family unable to move house than allow you to keep the deposit they gifted their son?!!

What was their plan for this money had you not been planning to move?!

So you had a child when you got together with your current husband. You moved into his house and had a child with hims your ILs want the money they gave towards the deposit back when you move (plus interest) and because they feel that your eldest child may benefit ultimately via inheritance and they don't want them to be upset they are not related?

I totally understand why you feel gutted. From a purely legal point of view if there was no legal contract put in place (or charge on the property) at the time they provided the deposit - they have no legal grounds to ask for it back now.

You argue it was a gift and a similar gift was made to the other sibling and ask them to provide evidence otherwise.

I understand though that this is not a purely legal question.

If it was me, I would leave it as your DH decision what to do. It would destroy my relationship with them though - such a heartless cold way to behave.

Absolutely not. It was a gift. If they care so much about spiting your elder child they don't belong in your lives. Don't give them a penny. Don't discuss it any further. Don't defend yourselves. To think they should GAIN money from taking a gift back is a fucking joke.

Your DH literally needs to repeat "you gave me a gift and I'm keeping it."

Why would you want anything to do with people who clearly hate your child so much they'd spite their own son.

And even if they then dropped it I wouldn't talk to them again without a sincere apology.

Yep

I'm lost
I'm probably super slow today

but the original agreement is with their son

if they didn't legally sort it as a loan,...?

There is no relationship now, whatever DH decides to pay them.

I certainly wouldn't want anyone like that near my children. The relationship is dead.

This here.

@ArnosLeach

Is the info about your ex owning his own house / having had a vasectomy your way of saying that your DC will be sole beneficiary from their dad? It's unclear.

I assume the inheritance issue with your DC has already been discussed between yourself and your DH now you are looking at moving? What was decided?

Your inlaws sound awful, I can't imagine this is the first example of them treating your older DC like an outsider?

As someone in exactly the same situation as your ILs I'd say they are completely and utterly wrong.

What a dreadful, awful attitude.

Has DH discussed this with his sibling yet? I'm sure they'd have a def opinion if they were also gifted money.

I would tell them to go fuck a cactus and tell your DH that for their benefit you or your children won't be in a room with them again

It's a large gift so would they have paid cgt?
I think when you give a gift to an adult child you know that they may marry/ remarry etc so not sure why they ask for the money back.
Such huge monetary gifts though - are they loaded??thought it was going to be about £5 G

I think people are missing that the op and the dh have split up and now live apart.

I hope dh told them to fuck off?. Hopefully he has paperwork to show they gifted the deposit.. Then I hope you never see them again. Hopefully your dh will agree with this. Utter cunts op.

How old are they? You could just put moving houseoff until they are gone?

didn’t they have to sign that the deposit was a gift? Most mortgage companies would insist on this

what’s the deal with their other sibling?

you are married so have joint claim on this house unless you have signed otherwise

you could look at excluding the deposit from any future settlement, but that won’t allow for any increase in value. If your PIL have effectively bought a share in the household, that would have to be documented, if not then it’s not their money, they have no right to any profit and as shit as that would be for family harmony, that’s basically it as I understand it.

your H is under no legal obligation to return any money at all to them, especially if they are not demanding the same from your BIL/sil.

he does need to stand up and be counted on this.