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Original poster

In-laws want their deposit back

1000 replies

ArnosLeach · 15/02/2024 14:30

I married 5 years ago and I have a three and a half year old and a nearly nine year old from a short lived relationship.

Full background as I am anticipating the questions I would want answering.

The nine year old sees their father once a month for a weekend. I assume that my ‘ex’ owns his house. He had a vasectomy before our child was born. We do not communicate on any level other than if arrangements need to change. He pays a set amount every month but every month will buy shoes/clothes etc.

We moved into the house my husband had bought fifteen years before. It has doubled in value. Following a miscarriage last year we are trying to conceive again and we are looking to move house. We mentioned this to the in-laws a fortnight ago. I did not know that they had provided DH with deposit.
They have now asked for twice the deposit back comprising the original sum and the proportion of what that deposit has added to the value.

They feel that my elder child will benefit from their largesse. We are both completely gutted by this. A bolt out of the blue.

OP posts:
wombat15 · 15/02/2024 14:34

If the deposit was a gift it is pretty outrageous to ask for it back. If your DH doesn't want to fall out perhaps give the original amount back but that is it.

wombat15 · 15/02/2024 14:35

How much was the deposit?

ginasevern · 15/02/2024 14:35

What arrangement did your DH have with them when he bought the house? Did the ILs make it clear they wanted the deposit back or did DH assume it was a gift. If there's nothing in writing or a legal agreement then I imagine they haven't got a leg to stand on.

JimBobsWife · 15/02/2024 14:37

What do they mean by your elder child benefitting? The house has already been bought - long before you came along. How does your elder child benefit in particular and is this why they want the profit in addition to the original sum repaid?

FirstTimeMum887 · 15/02/2024 14:38

Depends what they agreed at the time. It's a discussion between your DH and his parents, don't get involved.

My dad gave me 50k when I bought this house. I agreed I would pay him back that 50k plus the increase in value when I sell. I intend to comply with this agreement since my dad did me a great favour, I pay a lot less in mortgage than I would in rent and I also benefit from the increased value.

MiniCooperLover · 15/02/2024 14:38

Unfortunately I think what they actually mean is they don't want you or your DH to be able to upgrade as they don't want you to benefit from their deposit. As it is marital money I think that ship has sailed. Are they really willing to risk their relationship with their son for this?

PurpleFlower1983 · 15/02/2024 14:38

The likelihood is it was a gift and they will have had to sign something to say so for the mortgage company. In that case, they don’t have a leg to stand on but it would likely sour relations if you don’t at least give them the original amount back.

Tinkerbyebye · 15/02/2024 14:38

If the deposit was a gift then they can rock on but your dh needs to have that conversation along with the conversation that their biological grandkid(s) is/are going to suffer here as well and that’s not very nice

Babsexxx · 15/02/2024 14:38

I would give the initial deposit back but absolutely no more just to save arguments.

cheeseandketchupsandwich · 15/02/2024 14:38

It's between your DH and his parents. Speak to him about it and him only. Let him speak with them.

Harvestfestivalknickers · 15/02/2024 14:39

Don't move house. Tell the in laws you can't afford to now so are considering an extension

Original poster
ArnosLeach · 15/02/2024 14:40

The original deposit was £80,000, they want £160,000 back to reflect house’s increase in value.
It was a gift given to both siblings as well.
DH offered them 80 but they feel my eldest will benefit at their expense and at the expense of the other grandchildren

OP posts:
goingrouge · 15/02/2024 14:41

They sound like fucking arseholes!

There's two issues isn't there. The legal bit-what was agreed, was it a loan or gift? Any papers or charge on the property?

If it's a gift then legally they can swivel as they can't change the terms now.

I guess then you both have to weigh up the personal impact and the relationship. Is your husband willing to risk his relationship with his family if he tells them no?

Is there a compromise if he isn't willing to say a flat no?

Easipeelerie · 15/02/2024 14:41

If it was a gift, you don’t have to return it. If there were strings attached, they should have told you at the time.
If it was a loan then obv needs to be paid back in the way specified when it was given to you.

Easipeelerie · 15/02/2024 14:42

Why did he offer them 80 when it was a gift? He didn’t need to offer a penny.

Greentangerines · 15/02/2024 14:42

Is it because the house is in his name and the new house would be in both your names?

Does your DH have any savings?

What have you contributed to the house/mortgage.

Herdinggoats · 15/02/2024 14:43

Is there something to do with location here? Are you potentially moving further from them and this is an attempt to gain control?
As others have said-you need to know how this money was given. But doubling the value of the payback is CF-territory. If the house had lost value would they have happily written off the money?

PurpleFlower1983 · 15/02/2024 14:43

Cheeky fuckers!! All because of your older child? They’re arseholes!

Haydenn · 15/02/2024 14:45

Can you offer to ring fence £80k in the property for their biological grandchildren? Not ideal, but may offer them the peace of mind to fuck off.

Azandme · 15/02/2024 14:45

This is a hill I'd die on.

If my ILs were this petty about my existing dc, and then put 100% increase on a gift, I'd be done with them. Permanently. As would my OH.

ElizaGolightly · 15/02/2024 14:45

There must be paperwork with them saying it was a gift. We had to do this under money laundering rules. Tell them that you are glad they discussed the issue with you and then act no further on it. Their wishes could be reflected in your DHs will but entirely at your own discretion to decide that!

Godwindar · 15/02/2024 14:45

Did the house double in value then?

blackcherryconserve · 15/02/2024 14:45

They are unbelievable! If they gifted to your DH's siblings are they asking them for the money back? How does it work that your eldest child 'benefits'? You are a family now. I'm sorry for your DH as his parents sound like a nightmare.

ArrestHer · 15/02/2024 14:46

Is the deposit sum protected in the sale documents as still being his parents money and to be paid back with associated increase in costs. If that was their intention it should have been set out legally on purchase.

if their intention was to gift this wouldn’t have happened (but there should be paperwork somewhere for the mortgage confirming that the funds were a gift not a loan). If so, they can’t just change their mind because they don’t like the fact you have an elder child from a previous relationship.

So what does the paperwork say?

TangoinTokyo · 15/02/2024 14:46

Haydenn · 15/02/2024 14:45

Can you offer to ring fence £80k in the property for their biological grandchildren? Not ideal, but may offer them the peace of mind to fuck off.

Not easily if they need a mortgage

Was the agreement that he would pay them back when the house was sold?

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