In-laws want their deposit back

[ArnosLeach]

I married 5 years ago and I have a three and a half year old and a nearly nine year old from a short lived relationship.

Full background as I am anticipating the questions I would want answering.

The nine year old sees their father once a month for a weekend. I assume that my ‘ex’ owns his house. He had a vasectomy before our child was born. We do not communicate on any level other than if arrangements need to change. He pays a set amount every month but every month will buy shoes/clothes etc.

We moved into the house my husband had bought fifteen years before. It has doubled in value. Following a miscarriage last year we are trying to conceive again and we are looking to move house. We mentioned this to the in-laws a fortnight ago. I did not know that they had provided DH with deposit.
They have now asked for twice the deposit back comprising the original sum and the proportion of what that deposit has added to the value.

They feel that my elder child will benefit from their largesse. We are both completely gutted by this. A bolt out of the blue.

They are trying for a baby and looking for another house to move to...

It doesn't say that at all??

For the last two years since I returned to work I pay a third of the household expenses (and joint savings) which is proportionate to our salaries.

The house is worth around £650,000 with £140,000 left on mortgage.

I have seen no paperwork but it emerged this week that siblings were getting married around the same time when all this was done. Only Sister’s money was ring fenced should she divorce. Husband’s and his brother’s weren’t.

I haven’t asked DH why he offered them £80,000, I assume as a compromise.

We are in a state of shock.

I think people are missing that the op and the dh have split up and now live apart.

No she's split from the dad of the oldest child, it's the parents of the current DH/youngest child's dad who want the money back. But I was confused too and had to read her post twice.

You need to answer if it was a gift or a loan with terms.

Once we know that, we can give opinions on the rest. On the idea it was a gift, they sound like awful awful people and I hope your husband doesn't give them a penny and treats your son well.

If the deposit was a gift wouldn't they have had to legally write it was a gift & had no claim on the money?

Are they asking for money back from the siblings too?

Surely no explanation further than ils don't consider you or your dc family. Is that acceptable to dh?

They're resenting your elder child - their step grandchild^^ from benefitting from something they chose to do over a decade before you married?!?! That's outrageous! What petty, mean spirited people

Are they very controlling of DH in general?

This is so spiteful, I'm not surprised you're in shock.

I would be able to get over the way they're treating you and especially your DC.

Your ILs are pretty scummy people.

So the issue is that your dh bought a house when he was single. And he chose not to protect his interest in the property when you married.

So they want it back, plus interest. Doesn’t sound like it’s really about the child. It’s about you.

in all honesty if someone’s parents were giving a large deposit on a house, the advice would always be to ring fence it in the event of divorce. If you love someone into a home you already have, it would be sensible to ring fence your part of it, before getting married.

If you posted that your parent gave you 80k towards a home and your dh moved in years later and expected 50:50 of the whole house, people would say he was taking the piss and to ring fence your own money in the house.

I think they have gone about it poorly. But I also understand them wanting to ensure that in event of a divorce, your dh walks away with more. The shop has sailed on that.

I can’t believe you ah e married your dh and he never mentioned he managed to buy the house only because his parents paid a large deposit on it though. Sounds like he kept that from you on purpose

They feel that my elder child will benefit from their largesse. We are both completely gutted by this. A bolt out of the blue.

That would be the end of my relationship with them.

I wouldn’t give them the money back and that would be the end of the relationship.

really terrible way to treat family

The reality is your IL's don't respect you or your eldest child. Therefore your relationship with them is dead. They don't respect your DH either if they can treat him, his wife, stepson and biological child this way, as it was his choice to create the family you know have, so his relationship with them is as good as over, too.

When your IL's die, they will clearly leave nothing to you or DH. Perhaps only for DH's biological children. Maybe not even then if they think there is a chance they would share with older half sibling. Considering chances of inheritance from IL's are low, you have nothing to lose financially by ending the relationship with them, and everything to gain emotionally by removing these toxic people from your lives.

I'd pay the 80k back. If there's no original agreement on the increase in value then I don't think that's at all reasonable

At best you'd give them some interest. A mortgage company doesn't get increase in value !

So odd. It will depend on what was agreed at the time. Was it a gift (therefore not repayable at all) a loan(therefore repayable the original amount plus potentially interest) or what they seem to be arguing, a sort of investment? If it was an investment they could potentially claim a share of the profit made on the house but not otherwise.
I mean, f them. They are being appalling. Presumably they are worrying about you or your child inheriting a share of the house in your partner's Will. It's not their place to do so. If they wanted to control the money they gave to your partner after it left their hands they would need to have agreed conditions..too late now.

Even if they hate your guts they are playing their hand terrrrrrribly.

Its so embarrassing for them.

I really feel for your DH thisust be.awful for him.

Absolute arseholes. What a shitty thing to do. Do you get on with them OP? What is their issue with your child? If that were my parents/inlaws, I'd give them their sodding deposit back and cut them off completely. Disgusting behaviour and towards a child!

If dh feels he needs to repay set up a direct debit for a pound a week.

A mortgage company doesn't get increase in value !

This!!!!!!!

Honestly OP, this is genuinely, hand on heart the most shocking thing I've ever read on Mumsnet

Increase in value is just total nonsense anyway - interest if it is a loan but not doubled!!!!!

Yeah this is probably too but as PP has said, it's not just a legal question now. The relationship with PIL now hinges on the response to this ask.

In OP's shoes, the relationship with PIL would be over for me now anyway. The clear resentment of OP and her older child is awful. Their son married OP and they are now a family, not to mention the PIL have absolutely no right to any part of the increase in property value. Appalling behaviour by them.

What?

I can see their point somewhat, they gave their son money towards buying a house, he is now in a situation where the possibility exists that he could lose 50% of that money in the event of a split after the new house is bought. It could be looked on as them trying the protect their son's long term interests, as usual if this were a woman who had received the money from her parents the MN attitudes would be different!