In-laws want their deposit back

[ArnosLeach]

I married 5 years ago and I have a three and a half year old and a nearly nine year old from a short lived relationship.

Full background as I am anticipating the questions I would want answering.

The nine year old sees their father once a month for a weekend. I assume that my ‘ex’ owns his house. He had a vasectomy before our child was born. We do not communicate on any level other than if arrangements need to change. He pays a set amount every month but every month will buy shoes/clothes etc.

We moved into the house my husband had bought fifteen years before. It has doubled in value. Following a miscarriage last year we are trying to conceive again and we are looking to move house. We mentioned this to the in-laws a fortnight ago. I did not know that they had provided DH with deposit.
They have now asked for twice the deposit back comprising the original sum and the proportion of what that deposit has added to the value.

They feel that my elder child will benefit from their largesse. We are both completely gutted by this. A bolt out of the blue.

If I was the husband I'd be telling them to do one! They gave it as a gift which they will have had to declare it a gift when giving for the mortgage. They also gave it to the other child. I'd be saying I'll pay it back when sibling pays back the same amount. What a joke that they are so tight they can't accept that the women their child loves has another child and they come as a package.

Cut off all contact and tell them to take you to court. They would never win because they would have to prove it was a loan which they can't

What do they want to spend the money on?

Do they need it?

The info you gave pertains to the ex, not the current, so is irrelevant. You have a son not biologically related to your current partner is all the info we need on that.
Has the house gone up that much that their £80k has doubled?
It seems to be really mean as yes while his stepson (if you are married) will benefit, but so will any of your subsequent children, plus their son (your partner). Do they really want to remove any relationship with their son and future grandkids? Because that what it looks like they want to do.
I don't think they can legally ask for it back unless there was paperwork showing their financial interest in the house when it was bought.

@Mistlebough

The only way around this I can think of is for both people in a relationship to contribute equallyinstead of someone moving in and taking advantage of someone who has saved and paid i to a mortgage

Good god this gets worse and you wonder why ILs “get a hard time on MN”.

So basically no one can marry your dear children if they earn less then them or come from a different background, god forbid they’re “taking advantage” of your DC?

What about the millions of women who have put their career aside or gone part time or earn less in order to raise a family at home? Do they count or don’t they qualify for your money? Or does that not count because it doesn’t affect personally affect the ILs or their DC (read - DS).

You either give a gift or you don’t. If you do then a gift is a gift and it’s not a stick to best people with. And if you don’t they’ll inherit it when you die anyway and the same thing will happen. Gifts don’t give you the right to try to control someone else’s life.

The difference is you can either die knowing you’ve cultivated the best relationship you can with your family and children, however you choose to do that.

Or you can die having lost the relationship with the people you love because you’ve made a spiteful decision like these people have.

It’s a choice.

How is it not her business when they are married and he's being asked to sign a cheque for £160k which will clearly alter their financial situation and the decisions they make about moving house. She absolutely shoudn't have to just stay quiet and suck it up and let the man deal with it, especially as neither of them agree with the repayment.

If I was your DH I'd be tempted to tell them that it's caused such a lot of stress that you're now getting divorced as a result and he's agreed a 50;50 split of the marital equity.

She might be doing very well but the in laws are only being cunts because OP had a kid before meeting her husband. He was obviously fine with that and the money given to him was a gift.

I agree to offering to ring fence the money to pacify them.

Having said that they would never see me again nor my children

if I was to be particularly horrible I might mention capital gains tax etc to them

Rubbish! @penguinbiscuits OP is not counting her losses in monetary value, I would imagine she's horrified at the implosion of the family set-up she's had for five years. Her husband knows it's crazy to expect either scenario if these were not previously set out in legal documents and has spoken to his wife about it. Do you not discuss things with your nearest and dearest? She's allowed to be hurt and frankly shocked because it is so ... shocking.

To be honest I would sell the house pay them off then fuck them off, they would never see me or my kids again, petty bastards. I would explain to them that they are not the kind of people I want around my children and it was exactly this act that made you decide that.

This is the thing with accepting large sums of money. It often comes back to bite you.
They've shot themselves in the foot though now really haven't they?
Cut them loose.

Exactly, I bet many of the 'in-laws' referenced did not work full-time and pay 50% into their own properties but are happy to benefit from their husband's money.

It is not at all unusual for one partner to earn more and therefore put more money into the family pot - including into assets like houses.

Tbh I'd put moving on the back burner for a while. Let things settle.
If it was a gift then I wouldn't be offering anything.

Tell them 80k that's that. It wasn't an investment it was a gift and there lucky to get that back. Cheeky sods.

What an absolute load of rubbish.

I wondered this too. It does seem to be a strange way of getting it back.

Actually scrap that I would take the house off the market and wait for them to die. Then sell.

How nasty can they be to a nine year old child.

It sounds to me you're counting their money. It's not yours to count. This business is between your husband and their son.

Also surely the loss of £160,000 is going to massively impact where they can move? So it is OP's business as well as this will change their plans completely.

Exactly, especially as in the ILs generation. In fact I cannot think of a single family I know of that generation where the parents were equal earner, or indeed where the DW was the higher earner.

They sound awful. It was a gift, it's not something they can ask for back.

I wouldn’t give them a shiny penny back. It was a gift and now they are asking you for a gift worth twice as much!

Was the deposit a gift or loan and also was it 80k or for example 25% of the house as in that expected their loan to increase in value as the house went up?

Does anyone know the tax position if they get the £160K, would the profit be taxable. Also if they signed documents say the £80k was a gift, which I had to do when giving money to my kids, and they now say it wasn't a gift is that fraud? From the banks point of view it would certainly be something they needed to know.

I'd love to own my own house but if it meant having to be fake nice to people who preferred one of my kids to the other I'd tell them to fuck off. Yes she was lucky to be able to move into a house that was already paid for but the in-laws are being twats.

Absolute bastards

Surely you and DH will struggle to have any relationship with them now, what the hell are they thinking?

No way would I or my children see them again. And I'd be telling them why.

You’ve tons of equity, can you not sell original house but refinance and rent it out? Then no way to pay it back?