“You can’t possibly have a baby in that flat”

[Mellowpink]

DH and I are in our late 30s and finally decided to start trying for a baby before it’s too late. Mentioned this to my sister, expecting excitement, but she had a totally different reaction. We live in Zone 3 SW London in a 2 bed 3rd floor flat. It's an old building, so no lift, just steep stairs. And our second "bedroom" is more like a box room, currently my home office.

My sister insists it's too dangerous and cramped to raise a child here. I said I’m sure we could make it work, but she says I just don't get it as I'm not a parent yet. We've thought about moving, but staying close to central London for work is a must as we are hybrid workers. We looked at houses in Surrey but prices seem to be crazy, and with interest rates, we'd be paying a more just to inconvenience ourselves by being further out.

Am I crazy to think we can handle raising a baby here?

I think it would be shit and stressful in those conditions but you could make it work if you had to.

How big does she think babies are?

It'll be fine. Many people around the world raise families in homes that are about the size of the average living room here.

You just need to make good use of the available space.

But if she's offering to buy a house for you, that's fine too. 😁

Carrying the pram and baby up the stairs is the main issue here it seems to me, maybe if you can leave the pram at the bottom of the stairs it would be a lot easier

I think flats are fine, small bedrooms are fine, but no lift might be difficult. Is there storage on the ground floor for a pram / buggy?

Well, it's absolutely workable.

You might grow to hate the stairs though unless you can store a pram at the bottom!

Plenty folk have raised babies in flats.

Its doable but you may just resent it

It’s doable but will have its downsides!

however, babies don’t stay babies and are eventually toddlers, older children and then teenagers. Will there still be enough space then?

I had my baby in a flat and it was absolutely fine.
We had one set of steep stairs to get up to and nowhere to store a pram downstairs.

We had a Bugaboo that came apart in two bits so I would carry the carrycot or car seat upstairs first and then came back for the other bit. We also used the sling a lot.

People have raised children in flats forever. I raise my own in flats. The buggy thing will be a ball ache (we had a ground floor flat til our dc were well past the buggy age and now have an upper floor flat).

How do you plan on getting a buggy and baby up and down three flights?

I wouldn't worry about the size of the flat, but 3rd floor with no lift will be a nightmare.

Is there somewhere secure to keep the pram on the ground floor? If not, I think it will be awful. Sorry.

It’ll be fine. My BIL and his wife had two kids while living in a 4th floor flat with no lift and a less than ideal lay-out. They didn’t even change their car which was a 3 door.

They could well afford to move and get a new car but they didn’t. It wouldn’t be my cup of tea but it’s not any of my business the same way it’s not any of your sisters. Don’t worry about it, you’ll manage if you want to and they are not babies forever.

The stairs is the only issue I can see. We've consciously chosen to stay in a city centre in a flat and I'm so glad we did as I can walk to so many baby groups, libraries, friends' houses etc. We have a similar room set up. The smaller 2nd bedroom is the baby's and DH has set up his home office in the kitchen. It's worked absolutely fine for us.

What is inappropriate about it?

Can you fit a bed in the second bedroom? Depending how big the main bedroom is, you might quickly lose your office space. If you can fit a cot in main bedroom, you've got a year-18months or so

Baby... well the stairs can be conquered with a decent baby carrier. And actually...once inside, a flat is easier than a house with a baby/toddler! Always close by, no stairs to worry about.

However, wfh in a small space while the partner is there with a baby... that could get stressful.

I think it sounds like hell, I wouldn’t want to have to do those stairs and have no garden access.
I’m sure it’s doable but completely unenjoyable. It’s not where I’d want to raise a family.

In ten years you could potentially be in a ground floor flat, or a house, and you'd potentially have your much wanted child in a more suitable place.

How would it feel in 10 years time, when natural conception is nearly guaranteed to be unsuccessful, knowing you didn't have a baby when you wanted to start TTC and now you have the opportunity for a much more suitable place but you don't need it.

I'd go for it. Yeah it's not an ideal housing situation but you know that so you can make it work. Once they're walking and you're not lugging a car seat or pram up and down it'll be much better.

I moved my office into my own bedroom, it was fine! Honestly. Babies don't need much, and when my DD was a toddler we went out for many walks. She loved it!

We raised our first as a baby/toddler in a small one bedroom with no washing machine and no lift. I did shift work too. ‘Twas fine, good memories.

How about moving to something comparable but ground floor?

It's not ideal, but a lot of people's situations aren't. Your flat will be okay while your baby is a baby, but if you only have 1 proper bedroom and need the box room as an office I'd aim to move sooner rather than later.

Babies are bought up in many different living situations. Best to crack on due to your age and reflect on living situation as you go along. You might manage fine with a front or rear baby carrier.

It'll be fine. If you want to go ahead you will make it work.Plenty of babies are born into much worse conditions.
When our first DC was born we were living in a tiny one bedroom flat. The bathroom ceiling sloped so much you could hardly stand up but we all survived.

It's totally fine. We lived in a similar flat for the first 3.5 years of DS' life (until his toys took over...). My DB and SIL lived in a smaller flat until their daughter was 2. The stairs up are a pain but it's so much easier having a baby in a flat where everything is on one level.