“You can’t possibly have a baby in that flat”

[Mellowpink]

DH and I are in our late 30s and finally decided to start trying for a baby before it’s too late. Mentioned this to my sister, expecting excitement, but she had a totally different reaction. We live in Zone 3 SW London in a 2 bed 3rd floor flat. It's an old building, so no lift, just steep stairs. And our second "bedroom" is more like a box room, currently my home office.

My sister insists it's too dangerous and cramped to raise a child here. I said I’m sure we could make it work, but she says I just don't get it as I'm not a parent yet. We've thought about moving, but staying close to central London for work is a must as we are hybrid workers. We looked at houses in Surrey but prices seem to be crazy, and with interest rates, we'd be paying a more just to inconvenience ourselves by being further out.

Am I crazy to think we can handle raising a baby here?

We had our first in a similar flat, albeit it was only one flight of stairs so I could still see the bassinet bit while I ran the frame up. Bit of a pain but we managed it and our box room was seriously a box! Plan was always to move though and we moved when she was 4 months so never needed the box room to actually be a bedroom for her as she was in with us until quite a while after the move. If you’re only just thinking to start TTC is a move in the next couple of years feasible?

Just read your update, I would definitely get the bugaboo bee, you can take the bassinet off and collapse the frame, you could probably carry both up it's not that heavy

It’s going to be a massive pain lugging a pram up the stairs, carrying the baby in a sling, or carrying up baby in a car seat. You won’t be allowed to leave a pram in the communal parts unless there is a cupboard or storage area (fire regs). It will definitely be cramped once you cram all the basic baby paraphernalia into your flat - pram, car seat, high chair, bouncy chair thingamajig, baby gym etc Even worse once they are a toddler and have bigger toys, bikes etc. The baby will sleep in your room at first but just as you go back to work and need your home office, they’ll be moving into their own bedroom…

On the other hand, moving to suburbia with a massive commute will be a pain too.

Plenty of people raise babies in tiny walk up flats. It certainly isn’t dangerous 😂

That's not a reason to delay TTC.
Does your sister have an ulterior motive? E.g. is she likely to be annoyed at the prospect of her DC no longer being your parents' only grandkids?

Don't listen to her, you'd make it work. Go for it!

Have you got a place to WFH one the baby takes over the 2nd bedroom?

I love how on these threads you get posters jumping in how “horrific” it would be (presumably from their leafy house in Surrey).

Thousands of people in London have children in flats (as well other cities in the U.K.). In so many countries living in a flat is the norm (Singapore, China and Hong Kong).

People don’t want to build on green land so we need to go up to house the growing population.

The lack of a lift is a bit of a pain but just buy a lightweight pram (yo-yo or bugaboo) and a good quality sling.

I guarantee when you go back to work you will be glad you are not having to deal with a huge commute (and also childcare logistics - do you put child in nursery by home or by work).

I think some posters are missing the hybrid element. Can you imagine one person trying to work effectively in that tiny space whilst the other is on mat/pat leave?

Baby in a flat isn't the main issue. Baby plus 2 people and working in it is something else.

It is doable. I mean there's always someone worse off, but it's a low bar to look at life that way! If you were my DD i'd be suggesting starting to ttc certainly in case it takes a while, but also into looking at moving now to somewhere ground floor.

You say there's room for a double bed in the second bedroom and that's great. Good sized room. But i'd want to swap with a place with a smaller second bedroom and no stairs or a lift.

I'm thinking of lugging MYSELF up three flights of stairs when 8/9 preg let alone baby plus buggy plus shopping. Eek.

Oh for goodness sake! I’m sure the child wouldn’t be too traumatised by being brought up in a 2 bedroom flat 😆 Op, my parents lived in a very similar situation until I was almost five. It was absolutely fine, but my mum did find navigating the stairs with a pram difficult after having a c-section.

Yep it’s a pain in the balls but def doable with one…

if you had 2 under 2 or 2 under 3 I really wouldn’t fancy it…

and if there is any one of hallway h&s enforcement / difficult neighbours don’t expect to be able to leave the pram in the hall. That said the newer light weight ones are great

Well it's doable but that doesn't mean it will be enjoyable. 3 flights of stairs with no lift will be shit with a buggy and whilst you can plan to use a sling to mitigate that it doesn't always work the way we think, DS for example hated the sling.

It also sounds shit in terms of your future working from home plans. The baby won't be a baby for long so do you have a plan for when you lose the office room?

Hybrid working. So potentially working at home in a small flat with a baby/toddler/preschooler?? I think it will feel cramped quickly. And it's not just the baby. It's all their stuff.

Does she have dc?

It's not ideal (IMO). But I'm sure it would be fine. Often when you have a baby all circumstances aren't perfect. You can make it work.
The stairs will likely be a pain, and you'll want more space. Do you plan to move out within a few years?

Some posters are being very dramatic.

I know many people who had had babies in small flats with no lift/garden etc. It’s absolutely the norm in London or any other big city.

I think it gets trickier once your child is older, or if you have more than one child. But you can figure that out then.

You have a flat in London, so you’re going OK. You have options! I wouldn’t let any of this put you off having a wanted baby in your late thirties!

I wouldn’t do it.
How will you get shopping in? You’ll have to carry a baby and lug nappies and other bulky items up stairs. You will need to be carrying bikes and other bulky toys up and down with a recalcitrant toddler and won’t be able to leave the baby while you go back and fore to the car.
As others have said it is doable and plenty do but personally I wouldn’t want to face the stress of it all.

Your in your late 30s it's now or never . It's what you make it

Of course you can and plenty of people do. We lived in a second and third floor 2 bedroom flat in an old victorian house until our DD was 2. If you want a child you are right to just do it and prioritise that given your age for sure. There are plenty of compact buggies, the YOYO etc that you can bring up the stairs, if you can't store a buggy at ground floor level. This and use a sling. You will probably find you are just out and about a bit more than a lot of people and will hang out at the park in lieu of the garden etc. It's fine and will mean you make good friends with fellow parents and have more of a network around you.

Ofcourse it will be fine! My brother lives
On the top
Floor with his two young children and they just carry buggy up. If you have the means I'd go for a baby zen yo-yo or something similar they are teeny tiny light buggies that will last from birth to toddler years and will be able to carry it up no problem and fold and store away somewhere. Good luck!! 🤞

They do it abroad .

Babies famously get very distressed if their parents have to carry them and a pram up flights of stairs. Chapter 1 of any parenting book is “THE CURSE OF STAIRS- HOW TO SCAR YOUR BABY FOR LIFE IN 76 NOT SO EASY STEPS.”

🙄

Yeah, I thought the same as you OP with a first floor flat. I envisioned carrying the baby up the stairs in the pram part like a carrycot. Reality is that it’s very heavy and awkward to carry like that. Maybe in the car seat attachment but I wouldn’t want to do that up several flights - it could be unsafe. Also what about going down stairs - would you leave the baby alone in the flat while you take the pram base downstairs? And it’s even harder with a toddler. Not impossible but I think you’d have to keep the pram (if you have one) downstairs in a car outside, or save it for trips out when there are two of you. Or go with a folding buggy / sling.

It’s also really hard bringing bags of shopping, a baby, and a folding pushchair up flights of stairs. Basically because you can’t just safely leave the baby anywhere. We did manage ok with first floor flat and a baby for a year or two, but the stair shuffles were a real PITA and several flights would make it a lot harder.

Im sure you can manage - people manage with much worse - but it will be really hard and annoying.

Also will you be able to move your office into your bedroom? If you hybrid work I assume that means you wfh - can you fit that in with baby?

I think it would be ok with a non mobile baby but probably really quite difficult at toddler stage. Not impossible, just hard. Do you own the flat or rent?

In terms of shopping, do it when your OH is around to help and get stuff delivered. I can't believe a lot of people use this as a reason to not have a child. You just need to be organised.