“You can’t possibly have a baby in that flat”

[Mellowpink]

DH and I are in our late 30s and finally decided to start trying for a baby before it’s too late. Mentioned this to my sister, expecting excitement, but she had a totally different reaction. We live in Zone 3 SW London in a 2 bed 3rd floor flat. It's an old building, so no lift, just steep stairs. And our second "bedroom" is more like a box room, currently my home office.

My sister insists it's too dangerous and cramped to raise a child here. I said I’m sure we could make it work, but she says I just don't get it as I'm not a parent yet. We've thought about moving, but staying close to central London for work is a must as we are hybrid workers. We looked at houses in Surrey but prices seem to be crazy, and with interest rates, we'd be paying a more just to inconvenience ourselves by being further out.

Am I crazy to think we can handle raising a baby here?

The stairs are going to be a pain, I had twins and that would be very difficult.
Working from home longer term will also be more challenging.
But it should be workable with a singleton particularly when they are a baby.

The more I think about it, the more I believe it will be completely miserable.

Mainly the issue with the stairs etc, it's hard enough getting kids out of the house on the ground floor.

Add in space issues and it's a recipe for resentment

Don't wait to ttc.

If it turns out the flat + baby is a nightmare, move then.

mumsnet is full of people who "wouldn't consider" anything other than a detached house with a driveway and a big garden. when, if you live in London, you're very likely not going to have that. even the comments about shopping - if you live up multiple flights of stairs why not just get online shopping, tesco carries it to your door (what i've always done!). you can't just transpose the way you expect to live in a surburban / countryside detached house onto a city flat.

i'm pregnant, live in London and we live in a first floor flat (no lift, car parking a distance away) - we will adapt and manage. and on the plus side, lots of baby groups and coffee shops and supermarkets and nice green spaces in walking distance :)

The baby phase isn’t long though. A cot is smaller than a bed, which they will grow into. A car seat isn’t needed if you don’t have a car and if you do, it can stay in the car. Plenty of prams fold up to be very small and will probably be the bulkiest item, nappies aren’t that big and a high chair will stay at the dining table.

You’ll be fine. Lots of lightweight easily foldable pushchairs available nowadays. You’ll just have to make good use of the space you have and potentially look into moving in a few years time if things seem cramped.
Just don’t overdo it on all the baby gear. There’s lots you don’t particularly need.

It’s perfectly fine. Don’t get a pram, get a lightweight fully flat buggy, and a proper carrier. problem solved. Too many people think they need the buggy equivalent of a chelsea tractor. you don’t. Twins would be a challenge, but for one baby it’s perfectly fine.

This.

Have your baby.

If you can't cope then move to a place.

Sounds exactly like the old flat DH and I lived in when we had DS. His bedroom was the boxroom. Other rooms were lovely and big but we did have 3 flights of stairs, no lift, and the car was usually parked miles away! The flat itself was absolutely fine - it's actually quite handy having everything on one floor when you have a baby. I didn't really mind the stairs, kept me fit, but there were times when I had to do a few trips up and down with baby and shopping etc.
We deliberately stayed in the flat while I was on mat leave as it didn't make sense to me to increase the mortgage while I was on mat pay. We bought our house when he was around 15m but if we hadn't been planning a second, could have easily stayed.

You'll be fine, you won't know any different so will have nothing 'easier' to compare it to. Yes the pram and stairs might be a pain, but you might choose to use a baby carrier the majority of the time. Babies don't actually need to come with that much stuff, yes stuff is nice and fun but babies don't need or want it.
People always just make it work with the situation they have, its one of the adventures of being a new parent.

This.Have your baby.If you can't cope then move to a place.

Yeah sure, have your baby, find out you can't cope, then magically find a new suitable place and magically move stress free

Honest it's fine I did it. Didn't move till child was 5. Like others have said stairs are the hard bit. But with lightweight buggy it's extremely doable.

Here is the thing, you want a child and know where you live. Start now avoiding helpful advice.

Why would anyone suggest moving is stress free?

Moving is stressful. Ttc is stressful. If she waits, she may never conceive.

My daughter has a house with an unusual layout. Baby's bedroom was on 3rd floor. During Covid I looked after baby and they used the 2nd floor as offices to wfh. Only kitchen was on ground floor with no seating in. Carrying the baby up and down stairs constantly was a pain and I struggled at times.
But, the big but, it was doable and absolutely worth it for this little person who had come into our lives.
You'll manage OP and it'll be lovely.

Same!! My Edinburgh tenement was lush. Laughing at the posters saying it's an inappropriate place to have a baby😂 Literally all my friends had their first in a flat then moved later.

Why would anyone suggest moving is stress free?Moving is stressful. Ttc is stressful. If she waits, she may never conceive.

Best to move before ttc is my point, obviously

It's very very convenient raising babies and small children all on one floor of a building. Rooms close, bathroom close for potty training, easy to get jobs done without having to be a floor away from a crawling baby.

Why? Moving takes time. Time is not on her side.

Agree with this. I raised my first in a two bedroom (ground floor) flat and it was much easier than raising my second in a four storey townhouse

Yeah because nobody has ever managed to move house with kids before... honestly.

Yeah because nobody has ever managed to move house with kids before... honestly.

It's a lot easier beforehand.

My comment was in reply to someone's blasé 'have you baby and just move if you can't cope', like it's nothing

Most people both before and some time after having kids I think. It's literally a non issue.

Your "boxroom" sounds bigger than my teenagers bedroom! Plus a large kitchen...

This flat seems ample for a child family. A small one piece fold pushchair plus good sling will be fine. Good for buses and the tube as well.

What an absurd statement this is.