“You can’t possibly have a baby in that flat”

[Mellowpink]

DH and I are in our late 30s and finally decided to start trying for a baby before it’s too late. Mentioned this to my sister, expecting excitement, but she had a totally different reaction. We live in Zone 3 SW London in a 2 bed 3rd floor flat. It's an old building, so no lift, just steep stairs. And our second "bedroom" is more like a box room, currently my home office.

My sister insists it's too dangerous and cramped to raise a child here. I said I’m sure we could make it work, but she says I just don't get it as I'm not a parent yet. We've thought about moving, but staying close to central London for work is a must as we are hybrid workers. We looked at houses in Surrey but prices seem to be crazy, and with interest rates, we'd be paying a more just to inconvenience ourselves by being further out.

Am I crazy to think we can handle raising a baby here?

What a perversely snarky comment.

Couriers etc don’t always wait long do you can’t just amble down several flights.

I have a DD14

I lived in an apartment when she was small. It was ok but the stairs were a real pain.

You need more space as they grow, I'd be planning to move if I was you.

I suppose while baby is not mobile you or DP will do the shopping and carry it up leaving other with baby?…. Get a car with a massive boot so you can leave a foldable pram in the boot locked up… later the same will apply for bikes etc!
You’ll have to except toys being in lounge if room is really that small or come up with really clever storage solutions .. cabin bed with storage underneath maybe.
my friends raised 2 kids in a 2nd story
flat, they spend a lot of time out doing things, but we do benefit from living somewhere with lots of green spaces to enjoy! And beaches.

I think you’ll manage, you have to adapt to having a child regardless of whether you live in a flat or a palace!

You have literally just described my life that year. Can’t tell you how much exercise i got just trying to set up bath time. Not to mention the mental gymnastics figuring out what felt like a watson-glazer logic problem of ‘where to put the baby?’
I hate that i’m complaining about living in what is ostensibly a nice big house but it was such a pain and i ended up resenting it multiple times a day.
Small is great. And also all these things are solvable. Even though i moan. If there were no other options, I still wouldn't have swapped living somewhere i loved like london just because the stairs were a faff.

I think life with very young children just is that bit more complicated in most circumstances- except perhaps an extensive one level penthouse with live-in childcare! But you work round it. The world is full of mums working with what they have to work with and few of us would “ un-have” them.

Just get lots and lots of baby wipes and keep them everywhere! The number of times I was halfway through a nappy change and realised I’d run out and the spares were upstairs/downstairs. But they are trying things at the time but really not big in the scheme of life and certainly not a reason not to not have a baby at all. Happy galloping!

Why?

Toddlers can typically walk up and downstairs with supervision, so will get easier not harder.

A lightweight umbrella fold buggy can be carried by shoulder strap or side handle.

Some people must have extremely easy lives if they consider this a real problem or barrier for OP.

It’s also only one aspect and there are advantages also (covered upthread).

Looking back the most difficult thing about living in the flat with a baby was... the bins. Taking the bin out was an expedition... but you didn't want to leave nappies too long. Not helped by our bins being in the car park, which was up external steps as well...

well it would be very difficult. How are you getting the buggy up and down the stairs?

Car seats on wheels are absolutely awful for a baby.

You fold it and carry it - or just carry it - exactly the same way you do it on buses, tubes, trains and the underground. No big deal.

Yes I agree they aren't suitable for use for a prolonged period of time, but they do have their uses on occasion. Some people feel they need a big bulky travel system for the rare occasion they might want to attach the car seat, I was just pointing out that it was an option.

I’d make sure you get the most compact & lightweight pram you can. Bugaboo seems to be the pram of choice for city living (which I wish I realised before buying our pram).

it’s totally doable & doesn’t sound like it’s your forever home, but it’s sufficient for what you need now.

tell your sister to adjust her attitude & support you.

You will want to move fairly quickly once baby comes. The main problem is all the stuff that they need that will spill over into every room of your flat.

You’ll find that happy compromise on somewhere bigger, affordable and commutable somewhere in SW London - don’t look at Surrey as anywhere with a fast commute will not be any more affordable than where you are now. My first purchase was a large maisonette with a garden in zone 5; 10 min walk to a station that was 30 mins into Waterloo.

We didn't. We stayed in our little third floor, liftless flat until "baby" was five years old. It was totally fine.

When our daughter was small, we also had a foldable, light buggy that folded down completely flat, so the baby could lie flat on her back, and we put a basic carrycot in it to make it comfy. I was a bit younger than OP, mind, at 29, but if she was asleep when I got home I'd tuck the whole buggy under my arm, with the baby still asleep in it, and carry it up the two flights of stairs. This was once the Caesarean scars had healed, obviously!
In those days there was no delivery service for supermarket shopping, though, so maybe we all just had massive biceps!

We live in a world of excess - particularly in the baby realm. A comment like that is uncouth. Of course you can raise a small child in that environment. When they get a bit older you can consider a larger home with another bedroom when the time is right for you and DP.

How would you get your pram up 3 flights of stair with a baby in it? You would have to have someone else with you as you couldn't take the baby out and leave it in the flat on its own whilst you go get your pram and your neighbours won't thank you for leaving a pram lying around or it will get stolen. I'm inclined to agree with your sister even if her delivery was poor.

I'd worry about conceiving first, sometimes it can take longer then you think

Perfectly fine to have a child with you in a flat just make sure you have window restrictors to stop any unwanted accidents. Babys eventually are curious and explore anywhere and everywhere. Good luck on future and baby 🍼

Why don't you RTFT? This has been answered multiple times by other posters with experience of the same living situation.

I think it's absolutely doable.

Like many other posters have mentioned the stairs may be a nightmare with a buggy. Get yourself a good sling though and you are sorted if you've managed your weekly shop up 3 flights though, a baby and buggy should be no big issue. However, slinging is so much easier.

I'm sorry your sister didn't seem as excited but don't let it dampen how you feel about starting a family :)

I can't see the problem. Children have been housed in mangers before now, so I'm told, so you can certainly make it work in your flat, with a bit of effort.

Absolutely 💯 you will just make it work. I worked overseas for many years as a nanny. The family I worked for lived on the third floor with no lift. No issue. Lots of families in countries inside and outside of the EU live in flats. I don't see the problem myself.

We did it in a similar situation in East London. The buggy might be an issue but you can carry the baby up then bring the buggy, or wear a sling instead. We only left our flat when our son was 3 and we had a new baby. We felt our son needed more space as he was getting quite fractious cooped up by that stage but all kids are different. My son loved that flat and still now at 11 talks about it and would love to live there again apparently! It was a lovely flat, albeit cramped! So many people do it too so I don't know why your sister is saying that.