“You can’t possibly have a baby in that flat”

[Mellowpink]

DH and I are in our late 30s and finally decided to start trying for a baby before it’s too late. Mentioned this to my sister, expecting excitement, but she had a totally different reaction. We live in Zone 3 SW London in a 2 bed 3rd floor flat. It's an old building, so no lift, just steep stairs. And our second "bedroom" is more like a box room, currently my home office.

My sister insists it's too dangerous and cramped to raise a child here. I said I’m sure we could make it work, but she says I just don't get it as I'm not a parent yet. We've thought about moving, but staying close to central London for work is a must as we are hybrid workers. We looked at houses in Surrey but prices seem to be crazy, and with interest rates, we'd be paying a more just to inconvenience ourselves by being further out.

Am I crazy to think we can handle raising a baby here?

If you got a light pram like a Babyzen you'll be fine. They are tiny enough to fit in a plane luggage carrier.

What are you going to do with the baby while you're going back downstairs for the frame?

The stairs will be a faff but it's doable. If you have a car then you can store the pram there and carry up.

I don't live in a flat but have 30 steps up to my house we just leave the pram at the road.

Things that will make it easier is online food shopping and getting a comfy carrier - ergo ones are good.

Leave it in the cot for 3 minutes.

Get yourself a pram that has a shoulder strap so you can carry it up and down stairs easily enough. Or take the baby up, and get the pram after you put the baby down.

If in time do you do want to live elsewhere, moving with a baby is a faff but not much harder than without a baby. I moved the first time 7 months pregnant, and the second time 4 months pregnant with a 12 month old. You'll be fine, OP.

People like this annoy me so much. They can’t see outside of their own experience. I’ve had 2 in a 3rd floor flat with no lift, 45 stairs. Yes it’s not ideal, and sometimes annoying, but it’s perfectly doable and definitely not a reason to not ttc! I’m also pretty lazy, unfit and maximalist, if I can do it then you definitely can. You’ll be used to the stairs anyway.
my top tips are to get a backpack for the changing bag, and a yoyo buggy (better for London anyway). Loads of people in our block have kids, it’s quite normal. You have to be more organised, but you get on with it. I get a big shop delivered weekly, I sometimes get my partner to take stuff downstairs / leave in the car for me in the morning. But I’m often carrying the baby, backpack, and a few bags of shopping and herding my oldest up to, and it’s fine. The most annoying thing is nap disruption as my 2nd wouldn’t stay asleep to transfer upstairs, but my first did. But this has only been an issue because I have to do stuff around the eldest’s timetable and number 2 also hated sling. The only other annoying thing was I had a tough recovery both times and so took a while to get out, but again, not the end of the world! Honestly just roll your eyes at her and carry on with your own life. I get it as my family also tout the suburban dream as the only option, but I’ve loved living here and being walking distance to coffee shops, multiple baby groups, parks etc. You just get on with it! And if you don’t like it, you’ll move! Good luck!

Completely fine and normal where I live -also in London. If you can manage, you don’t need a pram -I didn’t have one. Use a sling and then later an umbrella-fold buggy. That’s all I ever used. Loads of children are brought up in flats.

It will be a PITA and I wouldn't choose it if I could avoid it, but if you don't have any other options, you'll make it work. Lots of people do.

I feel like I'm living in an alternate reality with some of these answers! Of course you'll be fine, this is how most people I know live, this is how I grew up. My sister and I shared a box room until we moved out! Ideal, no. Fine, absolutely.

We lived in a flat when we had DD, although the first floor. And I hated not having a lift for the pram. It’s annoying as you have to leave them in the flat to take the travel system down and then go back up for them and I think being on the third floor that’s not a quick few seconds up the stairs. Plus there’s always the odd time you’ll forget something and then you’ve got to trek back up again with the baby. Would it be possible to stay in the area but look for a first floor flat? It’s doable of course, I just think you’ll get quickly fed up of it. Or I did anyway, we moved when DD was 4 months.

We are mid 30s and have a 2 and a half year old toddler.

We live in a 3rd floor flat (no lift), 1 bedroom, 2 box rooms. One box room is my husband's home office, the other is our son's room.

He slept in a next-to-me in our room until 8months old. Then moved to a cot in his own room. His room is just big enough for what he needs: his cot which will soon enough convert to a toddler bed by removing the side, a bedside cabinet with a lamp, a little bookshelf, a rocking chair where he would be rocked to sleep when younger (now we sit there for bedtime stories, and even some baskets of his favourite trucks and an IKEA toy kitchen. He has a lovely room.

Our living room has a sofa bed which we bought when he was newborn. Was much needed as I often co-slept and husband slept on sofa bed. It's still needed now on occasion when son is very sick and sleeps in my bed with me.

The living room is basically a play room but everything tidies away neatly at the end of the day. We have a Kallax unit for you rotation and keep the rest of the toys out of sight in a cupboard in our room. Highly recommend toy rotation for a small home and being very careful about what you buy. You don't want to swamp your flat.

Pram stays in our close at the bottom of the stairs, our neighbours don't mind this. When he was newborn the infant car seat remained in the car and we carried him in our arms up and down the stairs. As soon as he could walk (1 year) I started getting him to practice walking up the stairs. Bit by bit he would do more and more stairs by himself. Now at 2 and a half he walks the entire 3 flights himself. Too heavy for me to carry so he simply has to.

It has never been a problem but we are outgrowing the space now and have recently bought a house with a garden. We always thought we would manage fine until max age 5 if need be. I was raised in a similarly small space until the age of 12 when my parents could afford a house.

Utter privileged nonsense.

You will be fine even with a toddler with that tbh. You have a second bedroom. Only challenge would be no lift but tbh just baby wear instead of a pram which tbh would be easier in London and the tube etc anyway. I think your sister is being silly.

Ridiculous. My friends in Berlin have babies in flats on 5th floor of high ceilinged buildings with no lifts. Yes, it is a slog, but it is doable. Storage of buggy might be an issue. We used slings though, infinitely better with just one child.

You can certainly raiase a baby there, but babies dont stay babies!

Contrary to popular belief on MN you don't need a 5 bed detached house in the sprawling Surrey suburbs to have 1 baby.

Crack on TTC. You'll probably get to a point where it's too much when baby is older.

I have friends who have done this.

The OP is late 30s. Moving could take her 2 years.

She needs to start TTC now as that's the clock that is ticking.

You do need to sort the pram issue. We keep ours in our close but if you can't then you need to get one that fits in the boot if your car and leave it there.

We've done well but I would never lift a pram up and down. We didn't even lift the infant car seat up and down, it stayed permanently in the car.

I'll also say that we live in a small town far from cities so no garden hasn't been an issue. We have beaches, multiple parks, and lovely outdoor spaces a short walk from our door which has helped us survive without our own garden. We have a very outdoorsy toddler.

It will be fine, people all over the world cope

Respectfully, your sister is crazy and so are some of the previous posters here. You've basically just described my old flat (ex-council maisonette, external stairs, zone 3 SW etc) where we happily raised our daughter until she was 2.5 and we bought our current house. And tbh sometimes I miss that home!

Just get a buggy with a snappy fold and ideally a shoulder strap and you'll be fine.

Trust me OP this will not work. You need somewhere to leave the pram. I would ask your neighbours if they're happy for you to leave the pram at the bottom of the stairs.

I carried nothing but changing rucksack on my back and baby in my arms. By one he needed to start learning to walk the stairs himself. It's hard but doable.

I don’t think you should delay things considering your ages, but I would be looking to move as soon as you can, it sounds like it would be a very cramped living situation.

And you don’t need to live in Z3 to work in London, I used to live in London, now I live in Hertfordshire and the train into London is 35 to 45 minutes depending on stops.

Do you have a car? We were living in our second floor flat, no lift, when DS1 was born. I left the pram in the car boot, as there was nowhere to store it downstairs. We now live in a 4 bed house and the pram still lives in the car boot the majority of the time tbh

You can do it but you may live to resent your decision.

Personally i couldn't but Many do