“You can’t possibly have a baby in that flat”

[Mellowpink]

DH and I are in our late 30s and finally decided to start trying for a baby before it’s too late. Mentioned this to my sister, expecting excitement, but she had a totally different reaction. We live in Zone 3 SW London in a 2 bed 3rd floor flat. It's an old building, so no lift, just steep stairs. And our second "bedroom" is more like a box room, currently my home office.

My sister insists it's too dangerous and cramped to raise a child here. I said I’m sure we could make it work, but she says I just don't get it as I'm not a parent yet. We've thought about moving, but staying close to central London for work is a must as we are hybrid workers. We looked at houses in Surrey but prices seem to be crazy, and with interest rates, we'd be paying a more just to inconvenience ourselves by being further out.

Am I crazy to think we can handle raising a baby here?

It'll be absolutely fine!

We lived in a flat when our baby was born. No lift was a pain but I used to leave the pram / buggy in our car boot and use a sling to carry baby up the stairs. We did have a balcony for some outdoor space and a bigger second bedroom though. Would you be looking to move when baby is a bit bigger or would this be long term? Long term probably not great. We’re in a house now and I wouldn’t go back, but staying in that flat for a bit longer helped us save for this house!

The no lift thing would be the issue for me too.

If you have a car to keep the buggy in (unlikely in London I guess) or somewhere else to store it that might be possible, otherwise no way.

But then shopping. You get home and you're lugging a baby/heavy toddler up the stairs with bags.
It sounds minor but I think that would drive me mad.

I suspect even if you start in the flat you'd soon decide to move. Either ground floor or with a lift because it doesn't need to be a house.

Seriously?? I'll just ask half the population of Edinburgh to vacate their flats then

For those asking, there is no buggy store on the ground floor unfortunately. It’s a very small corridor area to enter the flat, so definitely no way I’d be able to leave a pram down there.

You probably can’t wait much longer if you’re both late 30s either…

"That environment"?!
Babies need decent parents, love, care and attention to thrive, and that's it. Many, many people raise their babies in small spaces that aren't someone else's idea of ideal.
Good luck, op, if you and your partner decide to go ahead and have a baby.

I had a baby in a top floor flat and I'm posh af. Edinburgh tenement life isn't for everyone but I love our flat, and we've paid our mortgage off now.

It's a faff to carry the baby up three flights but it's not forever and the benefits outweigh the downsides for us. And I have killer leg muscles!

@PuttingDownRoots yes the small second bedroom can fit a small double bed, desk and wardrobe etc, so with those removed we’d be able to fit a cot and furniture for baby.

re the stairs, my thoughts were we’d get a buggy that detached from the frame so we could carry baby up in carrier, then come down and bring up the frame.

This will soon become most people’s reality, buying big houses will be a thing of the past for many. It’s fine. Not the most ideal but it will be fine. You’ll need a compact stroller though like the Babyzen yoyo with the newborn pack. I think you wouldn’t be able to have more than one child in your current living environment though.

Same way social housing tenants do - baby in arms, buggy slung over shoulder and you use your legs?

It's not that hard and if it is difficult due to disability, you have difficulties with three flights of stairs before babies.

You'll lose your home office when baby is 6 months ish. How will that work? Is there room for a single bed plus chest for drawers in the little room?

If the main living space is being used as a wfh area will there be room for toys, baby chair, ect? How about noise?

My eldest has a little house with 2 quite decent sized bedrooms - but a very communal living area downstairs, not a lot of storage and a three month old baby. One of them wfh and it's getting stressful wrt noise. They have two cars and use them both for storing baby equipment in the dry!

I had my first in a one bedroom 2nd floor flat and it was fine. It did have a lift which is a must if you have a pram, but a pram isn't actually a necessity for a baby. Get yourself a good baby carrier and you'll be fine. I didn't use a pram at all with my second, only carriers. You'll make it work.

We did it. Was fine until lockdown. Does help to have space for the buggy downstairs. We uave 2 and live in a house now though.

It wouldn’t be safe to detach the carrier and carry it up steep stairs with baby within. You’d have to either use a sling or buy a buggy you can collapse and carry up the stairs with one hand

The stairs will be a pain but you can use a sling at first and from 6 months a really light pushchair. Not everyone needs a tank. Presumably you can do most of your shopping online. Honestly, this would not be enough to put me off. Mumsnet is disproportionately suburban (if not in location, certainly in worldview) so you will get some daft responses. Kids grow up in flats all over the world.

Thousands of people bring up babies and children in flats.

You'll be fine, she's being ridiculous and it's none of her business. The family below us live in a 2-bed flat with 3 kids!

There's also no need for baby to have their own room by x number of months either. We room shared with with ours for years. Not for lack of space, just through preference.

Do you have a car? I'm guessing if you live in London possibly not but if you do then a pram can be kept in the boot so it never needs to be brought up the stairs.

it does sound a bit hellish but you'll manage. My Dd is expecting at the moment in a 2 bed basement flat. Get the lighted buggy you can and learn not to go out with enough equipment to stock a kids shop and you'll be ok. Longer term consider moving somewhere like Bromley, Beckenhzm, Chislehurst- greater London and still nice areas but you'll get more for your money than in SW London. You could manage more easily in a flat if it was a garden flat with a bigger second room if you can't afford a house. DS sounds like a judgy cow BTW

I've had a baby and now 5 year old in a flat. In London most people I know live in a flat.

For the pram, can you leave the frame downstairs or is there no space? I left the frame and took the bassinet up on the bugaboo bee. I could also carry my son in the pram at the stairs if I needed to. I use the sling loads as well.

We are happy in our flat, my son loves living here.

It really will be a struggle as no one can take calls at the kitchen table while a baby screams in the background so whoever is trying to work will need to be in the office full time. Lugging the shopping up and down while you leave a baby in a flat isn't ideal but it's truly shit with a toddler who can't be left alone. Personally I doubt you last a year after the baby in that flat. Your sister might have been blunt but I think she's mostly right.

I had DS in a 1.5 bedroom flat in zone 2. We were only one flight up, which made the pushchair situation easier, but all perfectly doable -- sling/carrier until the baby is old enough to use a lightweight pushchair.

I think you'd manage with a baby - sling light weight buggy/using car for storage of pushchair - depend on what you can cope with post birth.

Depending on what's nearby - parks, libraries groups nurseries - relatively cheap places you can take an active child even in wet cold winter - you may well be fine with toddler and young child. I think you'd have to be fairly ruthless with stuff though - babies/toddler come with lots some of which can be done without.

I think you will lose the second office bedroom to kids room.

Beyond that as child grow I think it will be vary hard - though may depend on the child activity levels - and you'll want more space.