Or is it really rude to make your food preferences known if you aren't the host?

[UnlikelySuperstar]

Allergies, religion and genuine diet requirements such as veganism aside aibu or is it really, really rude to say you don't like or don't eat something if you aren't the host?

We are hosting friends and I have been given a list of things they don't like. I've never done this, there's things I hate bit would eat if it was being served to me and especially if I wasn't paying or contributing. Only one couple has done it but its really annoyed me as we have already got the food in and now I feel like telling them to make sure they have tea before they come ( although I won't do that ), I'd put loads of effort in and a lot of expense and I can't see why grown adults can't keep their preferences to themselves.

Yabu - it's fine to let someone else put loads of effort into hosting and time and money only to then say 'don't like that/won't eat that' like a rude teenager
Yanbu - it's rude

It sounds like it's the one DH who's being picky.

Honestly, if it were me, I'd do him something different, just for him. And, depending on how much or little I liked him, I'd make a show of ensuring it's in its own little serving dish and announce "this one's just for Terry, seeing as he can't eat any of the other stuff" and put it right in front of him.

People can be so rude sometimes. You welcome people into your home to break bread and they state their preference of how it's done - in YOUR home!

You're probably best not accepting invitations, tbh. I get that you can't help it, but issues around sell by dates and with how food has been stored / cooked are best kept out of someone else's kitchen.

I’d find an unasked for list of ‘here’s what we don’t want’ quite off-putting but agree it’s nice to ask as a host. That said I’ve asked the ‘anything to avoid’ question in the past and been told a resounding no. I made a very tame paella, and it turned out they didn’t like prawns, chicken on the bone, peppers, onions, or rice that isn’t from the Chinese takeaway. I also made chocolate fondant and one of them doesn’t like chocolatey desserts. Then they had kids, said the kids ate anything and - oh no they didn’t. I am wildly over-accommodating but FFS gimme a chance!

I always ask about likes/dislikes.

I’d hate to serve someone something they hate.
(the only food I dislike is mayo and I once had to force down egg mayo and then coronation chicken).

I definitely think a good host checks - not only for allergies, but in general if there’s anything your guests don’t eat in particular.

Rude. Although I have to say if someone offered me seafood I would leave it untouched.

I once cooked salmon specifically because one of the guests said she was a pescatarian. Only for her to say at the dinner table that she only eats small fish...

My friends are all well aware of my pickiness and go out of their way to check with me if the food they are making is ok. I really love that they think of me, even though I don’t expect it. I think it’s just what you do if you are hosting and want your guests to be happy

It always gives me a little dilemma when asked round for a meal, especially sandwiches. Because I have an issue with brown bread, (and mashed potato, but that's much less often an issue). I will vomit if I try and eat either about 90+% of the time. The rest of the time I just retch. It's not an allergy. It's totally psychological, but knowing that doesn't help.
I don't normally tell people unless they ask if I've any preference, but occasionally I've had to be quite creative, if I put it that way, to get round it. It's a difficult one, but often it means I will just avoid going to eat because that's easiest.

What would you rather I did? Not come to eat, tell you those things I can't eat (I'll manage anything else even if I don't like it), or stay silent?
Personally I'd rather the person told me before coming, but I rarely do, so I obviously don't take my own thoughts on it.

I always ask if it’s people I don’t know well enough, I actually find it very odd to invite people round and not ask them if they have any items they can’t or don’t eat. Someone might have an allergy, or an intolerance or simply really dislike something. No hosf should think you accepted so you will eat what I give you and it’s all about me.

The host should really ask about food issues before planning the meal, or state what the food is going to be if they really want to cook a certain thing. Unless there’s definitely enough variety for everyone to have something they’ll eat.

I have huge sensory issues with certain textures - anything creamy is a big “no” for me as I would literally be gagging if I tried to force it down - so I would mention that as it’s really beyond a preference. I would be annoyed if someone had a whole list of things that they just didn’t particularly like, though.

Generally yes, it's really rude.

The exceptions are

1. if it's because of a disability/ health condition/ allergy,
2. if they're really close friends that wouldn't mind (but then you'd probably know their dislikes anyway!) or
3. if you can't eat something because you find it so revolting that it makes you feel sick - so it's a very strong aversion rather than just a dislike.

Anything other than that is quite rude. I wouldn't dream of sending a host a list of foods I don't fancy eating.

Leaving the food is even ruder.

I'm not a picky eater generally but I can't stand mince in all its forms - from spaghetti Bol to lasagne to homemade burgers. I was very ill in a bout of food poisoning in my school when I was 8 and it was linked to mince served in the dining hall (I wasn't the only child affected).

So if we're ever invited anywhere one of my first responses is "I know I'm being fussy here but I really don't like mince!". The one time I didn't say anything I was served up shepherds pie and that's why I always say so now!

If I'm hosting people then I will specifically ask them if they have any strong preferences. It's just basic manners. You can't assume everyone will eat the food that you choose to present because you like it. And I hate wasting food.

If we're hosting people, we'd always ask them if there's anything they don't like/eat before deciding on a menu and doing the shopping. After that it's tough luck!

Just tell your hosts that you’re a picky eater and that you don’t like this, that or the other.

I have quite a number of foods that that I can’t stand or that make me boak or ill. I just eat or don’t eat. I don’t make a fuss about it.

Then what are people like me meant to do? Certain food will make me gag or even vomit, so I can’t be rude and dictate what food is given to me and I can’t be rude and not eat what’s in front of me, so guess I’ll just throw up on the table? Bet that’s considered rude too.

i think we need to stop with the over obsession with being rude

Difficult because while it is a bit rude and prescriptive, as a host and cook, I really want my guests to enjoy their meal and would hate to serve something they struggled with eating

So I'm think I would prefer to know in advance, especially if they're commonly served ingredients. But not a long list, maybe one or two items max.

I regularly host and always ask before I plan the menu if there's anything they don't eat. Surely that's pretty standard?

I always ask when inviting. There’s no expectation on anyone then,

I do think that if what you can’t eat is as common as chicken or cream, you should mention it as soon as you’re invited, and not expect that it can be sorted at the last minute (or at all)..

I remember a few years ago we met a lovely couple at a friend’s house, and they said oh you must come over for dinner. We’d love that, I said, but we are both vegetarian. Her face fell.. an invitation was never given! Shame but far better than a situation of “here’s some potatoes and veg, there’s only a tiny bit of gravy on them don’t mind it”.

If it makes you gag or vomit then that is more in the realm of a health issue. It's fine to get in touch and say sorry to be awkward but you have a strong aversion to XYZ foods and can't eat them. That's not really what OP is talking about.

What's not fine is sending a host a list of foods that you could actually eat but just don't fancy.