Or is it really rude to make your food preferences known if you aren't the host?

[UnlikelySuperstar]

Allergies, religion and genuine diet requirements such as veganism aside aibu or is it really, really rude to say you don't like or don't eat something if you aren't the host?

We are hosting friends and I have been given a list of things they don't like. I've never done this, there's things I hate bit would eat if it was being served to me and especially if I wasn't paying or contributing. Only one couple has done it but its really annoyed me as we have already got the food in and now I feel like telling them to make sure they have tea before they come ( although I won't do that ), I'd put loads of effort in and a lot of expense and I can't see why grown adults can't keep their preferences to themselves.

Yabu - it's fine to let someone else put loads of effort into hosting and time and money only to then say 'don't like that/won't eat that' like a rude teenager
Yanbu - it's rude

This.

I don't go out much, but the last few times I've been invited to a meal I have been told what the host planned to make and asked if it was ok for me.

It's awful isn't it. That feeling of not being a bother. Of trying to look like everything is fine when you don't like the food.

I grew up in an eat what your given household. I find it so hard to say 'I don't like that' I prefer not to eat at others houses. I'm always so grateful if someone asks me first.

For a whole weekend, or even a whole day, it’s very difficult when you don’t like the food.

But for one meal, to be pushing the food around and focusing on the conversation and the people who are there, knowing you’re going home in a few hours and have what you like “awful” is a bit OTT.

Not just you - I've never tasted even the mildest version of Indian food that I liked, it's too hot for me and I can't abide the smell.

Most Indian food is not hot .

Same here. Spicy/hot foods make me cough the place down, which I'm sure my host would like to avoid. Also I'm diabetic so need that taken into account - but not difficult or expensive to take into account once they know. 🌹

It is to some palates. I adore Indian food, but go easy on the chilli as DH can't tolerate it.

I don't think it is rude at all to warn your host about food dislikes. If anything is is being considerate to your hosts. I like most things. I dislike parsnip, beetroot and shellfish, and cream doesn't agree with me, so the OP's menu wouldn't appeal.

Luckily we don't have any friends or family with food issues. One is vegan, one vegetarian and a couple are lactose intolerant, but they are easy to cater for.

Could depend on what's hot for someone - I was served chicken with a supposedly very mild peanut sauce (don't know what it was called - satay? Is that Indian?) and I couldn't manage it. Couple of mouthfuls and it was burning.

I was another brought up on meat and three veg and apart from the many varieties of pasta and a couple of versions of chow mein, I'm more than happy to stay with that.

Weirdly I hosted a baby shower we ordered Thai food. I had a chilli dish. Ten minutes later head down the loo. A few months later did the same after chilli dish. When it happened the third time I decided no more chilli. I didn't feel sick my gut just rejected the meal quickly and violently.

Why would you accept an invitation to dinner in the first place?

@StarlightLime foods a big social thing on society. Family gatherings, friends catching up etc. For me it's balance between not isolating myself and not putting myself in uncomfortable situations. For example our in-laws are further away so a visit is usually over night and includes at least 2/3 meals

This

I know it’s really annoying when your a host and plan a certain meal and people give different ideas. It’s actually soooo annoying!
I always ask my guests if there are any foods they don’t eat such as fish, meat etc and then just plan around that so that there is at least an option for someone who doesn’t like a certain food / dish.

We went to a family Christmas meal (20 of us) and the host served fish as the only option (with potatoes & veg). I don’t actually eat fish at all, but that’s what’s she served so I just ate the veg & potatoes. I did try the fish but I just couldn’t eat it. I didn’t complain I just didn’t eat it.
But then I had all the comments like “was it not cooked to your liking” or “what a waste”. But I didn’t know she was going to serve fish so hadn’t reminded her I didn’t eat fish -
She originally said she will do a meat & veggie option but changed her mind.

well we will have to agree to differ.

Amongst my friends it really would not be unusual to be offered a choice of starters and mains. I agree my curry example was a poor one (although to claim - you'd never offer a curry to people coming round says more about your cooking and lack of imagination than anything else.)
I do actually mean that I would offer two dishes.

Maybe it is because I have lived in cultures where it is normal to have several dishes on the table. But to me it is not odd and allows people choice and avoids problems with people not liking a particular dish.

There is no food wastage, we just have left overs for dinner the next day.

We often eat at friends houses and have never been offered a choice of starters, mains and dessert. They aren't a restaurant.

If it was a dear friend then just wouldn't mind at all. I want them to feel comfortable and would hate them to force down something they don't like. Just awful! I'd rather they had a fun evening.

Put on a brave face????? FFS they are adults, there may be food items that they do not care for but they are grown ups. They can eat it.
I bet there are not a lot of starving people in the world who insist on gluten free or vegan or vegetarian options.
Get over yourself

I bet there are not a lot of starving people in the world who insist on gluten free or vegan or vegetarian options.
Get over yourself

@ScierraDoll
Try telling that to a coeliac.

I remember, as a teenager, going to stay with my mum’s friend for a fortnight in the summer. She asked mum if there was anything dsis and I didn’t eat, and mum told her we didn’t eat liver - we both loathed it. The friend gave us liver pate sandwiches and, having been brought up to eat what we were given without complaining, we forced ourselves to eat it.

She decided that mum must be wrong about us hating liver, and the next time we stayed, she made liver casserole. It was horrible - utterly nauseating - my sister refused to eat it. I didn’t feel like I could - I was afraid of getting in trouble - so I literally held my breath and forced each mouthful down - it was the worst thing I have ever eaten.

If I had to eat it now, as an adult, I’m not sure I could put a brave face on it, though I would do my best not to hurt the cook’s feelings.

@ScierraDoll - maybe there is nothing that you absolutely hate to eat - so maybe you can’t imagine what it is like to force something down that is making you feel sick - I have, and it is a pretty miserable experience. Few of us are going to be at the point of malnutrition or starvation, so why would we eat something that we find vile?

As regards people with severe food allergies or digestive disorders or conditions such as coeliac disease- no, there probably aren't a lot of starving/ malnourished adults with these disorders, because they would mostly have died in childhood without access to food that they could eat without it causing illness. In fact, to give an example, lactose intolerance is commoner in non-white than white ethnic groups; and there have been tragic cases where well-meaning charities have given powdered milk to malnourished Asian people, and some have died due to it causing diarrhoea and vomiting on top of their existing malnutrition.

And many people in poor communities, where malnutrition is common, do nevertheless belong to religions which set dietary restrictions. For example, India is home to many Hindus. Sikhs and Buddhists, all of whom have dietary restrictions and some of whom practice vegetarianism, and Jains, all of who are vegetarians.

So it's not as simple as 'only rich well-fed people ever have dietary restrictions'.

In any case, if you're hosting someone, you don't just want their experience to be marginally better than starving. You want it to be a pleasant experience.

No one is OBLIGED to host big meals; and I myself, not being an accomplished cook, tend to prefer having people for coffee or tea. Some people just prefer meeting for other types of activity than meals. But hosts should not act like harsh and judgemental 1970s school dinner ladies, demanding that their guests 'make clean plates'.

Well said @ToWhitToWhoo

Lots of people have said upthread that they don't mind hosting people with allergies, but have no time for people who are fussy (less deserving apparently?)

I find this curious. I have allergies in my immediate family (anaphylaxis) and have mostly found people to be quite bad at catering for people with allergies with a few notable exceptions.

Most don't realise the lengths you need to go to to ensure a food is allergen free (or GF) where even a crumb matters.

It's actually much, much easier to cater for dislikes.

All these “get over yourself/clean your plate/eat what you’re given” commenters sound like they don’t like cooking for people and for that matter, don’t much like their friends. Just as well so many here are saying they don’t bother now.

I love cooking and baking for friends and family, and I always take on the special dietary requests when catering for fundraising events for the charity I volunteer for.

I understand about cross contamination and am meticulous about making sure that anything I make is safe to eat for people with food intolerance. It isn't difficult. If I am not sure about something I Google it.