Or is it really rude to make your food preferences known if you aren't the host?

[UnlikelySuperstar]

Allergies, religion and genuine diet requirements such as veganism aside aibu or is it really, really rude to say you don't like or don't eat something if you aren't the host?

We are hosting friends and I have been given a list of things they don't like. I've never done this, there's things I hate bit would eat if it was being served to me and especially if I wasn't paying or contributing. Only one couple has done it but its really annoyed me as we have already got the food in and now I feel like telling them to make sure they have tea before they come ( although I won't do that ), I'd put loads of effort in and a lot of expense and I can't see why grown adults can't keep their preferences to themselves.

Yabu - it's fine to let someone else put loads of effort into hosting and time and money only to then say 'don't like that/won't eat that' like a rude teenager
Yanbu - it's rude

😂we had the same advice growing up, I think that's why it's irked me but maybe it's normal and I was a bit silly to go ahead and plan a menu without preferences being known. Part of the reason I did is because I thought there was enough variety for everyone though and honestly I couldn't be arsed asking everybody what they liked but I will in future! For those mentioning fish and seafood that's basically what the menu entails which I understand is hard😂There's some very versatile ingredients they have ruled out aswell though like chicken and dairy so I'll have a think. I think dinner parties are on the way out and a takeaway ordered in might be easier in future!

Whenever we invite people round for food I always ask them to let me know what to avoid.

That is good manners as a host.

Why would you not do that @UnlikelySuperstar?

A lot of people have aversion to seafood so I think you were a bit silly not to check with your guests

If I was the host I would say something like "I'm thinking of cooking lasagne - are you all ok with that?".
I would definitely check with them if there's food they don't like before buying anything.
Why would you invite people round to feed them food they don't like?

If its not allergies/intolerance then I think I could cope with 1-2 items someone cannot stand. I say this because I have some items I absolutely cannot eat, I almost have a fear of them. I'm not allergic or intolerant. But I can't. So it's pointless making anything with it in.l and expecting me to eat it.

I have about 9 dishes for sharing amongst couples, I thought it would be enough variety but loads of them include cream and my friend has let me know her dh not can't ( as in dietary ) but won't eat cream with no suggestion of a solution so now I'm going to add a tomatoey one, not with seafood as he doesn't eat that either and not with chicken so just a random dish. I do agree with you though I'll ask in future, I'm not fussy in the slightest so it just didn't occur to me that a varied dish up your own style menu could still be a problem. I also am really unforgiving of fussy eaters and think 'it's not going to kill you even if you don't like the taste just eat it' but I can't say that as a host 😂

I have an eating condition called afrid. Certain textures make me gag, I can eat quite a lot of foods. But somethings I would literally repel back on to the plate. I have issues around dates on condiments/sauces. How long things have been open. How food is stored. How things are cooked.

Needless to say I don't eat out much. But I actually find it extremely rude that a person would prefer their guests to be unhappy rather than have the opportunity to make them something they enjoy.

If they've said they don't like seafood that wouldn't be unusual to me as lots of people don't like it. That would be something I'd check with everyone before planning the menu.

A list ruling out many other versatile ingredients is taking the mick, very picky and rude though.

I can't stand picky eaters.

You arrive, you eat or you don't.

I'm happy to serve coeliacs, IBS, allergy sufferers , vegans, gluten free, or anyone else who might be made ill but faddy eaters can fuck right off.

Surely you want your guest to enjoy their meals?

Seafood is a tricky one and actually yes I'd expect some people to say sorry I don't eat seafood. The polite thing to do as a host is to ask for allergies and intolerance and is there anything in particular you don't eat?

I think sea food is a common dislike and allergy so I wouldn't plan it if I wasn't sure.

Tend to do chicken and a vegetarian alternative - though it seems even these are tricky which takes it beyond usual likes and dislikes.

Another vote for it being rude this late in the day, but equally I think it’s odd not to check in advance for dietary requirements and preferences. Just because you don’t have any doesn’t mean other people don’t!

I think seafood in particular is quite a risky choice unless you’re sure people like it or you’ve also done a veggie option. But equally if they’re ruling out foods like seafood, chicken and dairy, they’re probably not going to enjoy lots of dinner parties!

Many neurodivergent people have very specific food preferences due to sensory problems. I hope people don’t just label them as fussy or picky and treat them badly because of it.

Oh that's interesting. Not trying to self diagnose here but that's the issue I have with certain ingredients where I am almost fearful of the food items. I shall read up thank you

It used to be so much easier to host a group of friends for supper. I think when more allergies became prevalent other people jumped on the bandwagon and talk about their preferences, likes and dislikes as if they are of the same weight as eg coeliac which means someone could be extremely ill if they eat food contaminated with gluten.

I don’t mind accommodating medical need obviously but trying to think of a menu after ten people have stated their dislikes, intolerances etc just feels very hard work and stops me cooking what I feel inspired to make. It’s a shame as gathering a crowd for food used to be more spontaneous and easy.

Maybe wine cheese and biscuits is a safer bet. But not if they’re vegan.

You are not being unreasonable.
This is really ride, sure you just eat what you ate served?
I don't have much time for fussy eaters though

Tbf it was a fairly big risk to plan a very heavy seafood menu not knowing if people like it or not. Some people really detest seafood or fish in any form. I do think you've got to take some responsibility for that one.

This is what I’d do - probably adding it’s X Y and Z - if you want to bring something else for yourself, no problem

Another ARFID-er here, I'd always run a menu past guests before cooking for them, I take zero pleasure in serving people food they hate.

However when I say I don't eat something, I do not mean 'I do not like this, it is not my absolute favourite' I mean 'this food will reduce me to tears and a retching vomiting mess, it instills such horror and revulsion in me'.

And that is generally what I assume others mean when they say they don't eat a particular thing. So I would not make it for them.

I guess for non ARFID types, when they say they don't like a food, what they actually mean is 'I'd not eat it from choice but it's fine, i can physically consume it and won't puke or die or burst into tears/flames'.

The two are not the same thing, at all.

I wouldn’t treat anyone badly, but I wouldn’t always have the bandwidth to cater for them.

To an extent, yes, but not if the cost is too huge, tbh. Hosting is supposed to be fun and if I have to jump through difficult or time consuming hoops and compromise my vision of what I want to serve so that someone can be picky, I’d rather I enjoyed myself than them.

I enjoy meeting some challenges, and don’t feel this way about people with allergies or the like. But catering food for lots of people to rigid guidelines for a few when it’s just a matter of preference just isn’t somewhere I’m that interested in going often.

I wish people were more empathetic.

I hate that i have food aversion issues. I have struggled my whole life with it. It’s not about just turning my nose up at certain food, my body has a physical reaction to certain foods purely because of its texture (I probably have undiagnosed autism). The judgement I’ve had to face by people who are lucky enough to not have these issues is just tiring. I’m sure I can’t stop you hating people like me, but trust me, if we could change, we would

Nothing to do with allergies (DD has a severe tree nut allergy).DH loathes salmon but manages somehow, with a combination of mashing up, or passing to me, or silent retching to deal with it. After 22 years he has now told two sets of regular dinner party hosts.

I have IBS, am lactose intolerant, and due to ARFID, seafood (among other things) makes me vomit. I tend not to go to dinner parties, though my close friends are aware of these things so it doesn’t often cause issues.

Having said all that, if I was invited to a dinner party, I’d likely decline politely and not bother the host with that paragraph. My food issues are my own, and I navigate meals reasonably well these days. Your guests should have declined, I suspect, if their needs are so exclusionary.