Or is it really rude to make your food preferences known if you aren't the host?

[UnlikelySuperstar]

Allergies, religion and genuine diet requirements such as veganism aside aibu or is it really, really rude to say you don't like or don't eat something if you aren't the host?

We are hosting friends and I have been given a list of things they don't like. I've never done this, there's things I hate bit would eat if it was being served to me and especially if I wasn't paying or contributing. Only one couple has done it but its really annoyed me as we have already got the food in and now I feel like telling them to make sure they have tea before they come ( although I won't do that ), I'd put loads of effort in and a lot of expense and I can't see why grown adults can't keep their preferences to themselves.

Yabu - it's fine to let someone else put loads of effort into hosting and time and money only to then say 'don't like that/won't eat that' like a rude teenager
Yanbu - it's rude

So rather than just having an honest conversation with the host about what foods make someone ill you think we should be excluded (or exclude ourselves) from eating with friends. Even when it's easily resolved by TALKING to one another!
There is pretty much always a solution even if it means the guest bringing their own prepared food.

If they don't like what's on the menu tell them you'd be really happy for them to bring a plate that you can heat up for them.

Ps they should have said 'I'm so sorry we are such fussy eaters... can we please bring an extra dish along as we won't eat that menu/can we join for the dessert course and drinks after?'

I’d tell them you’ve already done the shop and menu planning and you can order him a takeaway or they can sit this one out if they prefer.

Yes it’s rude. Did you ask if anyone had any dietary requirements first though? If someone really can’t stand a particular food I’d expect them to tell me then.

When I host, I always check re allergies, dietary requirements AND dislikes. So whilst I feel it was a bit rude of your guests, I can't imagine ever having people round and not checking what they eat.

Good ideas.
I think bringing an extra dish sounds great and would save OP from doing more. I'm guessing they didn't offer?

As long as I was told when they accepted the invitation, I wouldn’t mind.

Close to the day when food has been planned/bought, that’s rude.

We’re used to catering for a lot of different needs as in our household we have, 2 vegans, a vegetarian and a meat eater, an allergy and an autistic child with some sensory issues with food. Meal times are always fun! 🥳

You can't get your head around people having likes and dislikes? This is Def a you issue. Do you eat any food put in front of you even if the taste / texture makes you feel sick or have you genuinely never had a food you don't enjoy? Sounds like you've learnt that your wants aren't important and so you expect others to repress theirs.

A good host would check of there was anything someone really didn't like.

I don't like prawns. I'm likely to retch at having to put one iny mouth and eat it. As my friend and host why would that be something desirous to you?

This is what I always do too

I wouldn't choke back seafood for anyone. If you told me the menu and it was seafood I'd make my excuses to not attend, sitting in someone's house surrounded by the smell of seafood would make me retch. Not my idea of a good time. I'd be polite about it though.

Surely the first thing you do when you are hosting is ask if people don’t like certain foods? I’ve never hosted or been hosted when the person cooking hasn’t asked this. Surely you want to cook something everyone will like, that’s the point of a dinner party?!

How was it done? That determines if it was rude or not.

When accepting an invitation, stating dietary requirements to your host is the right time. It is not rude. Bad manners would be turning up and informing your hosts them. Or even worse, having weekend guests and people stating a new preference for a during a meal.

I am more than happy to accommodate food preferences, if done in advance. In your case, as long as your guest can eat a few things I would be happy. Say bread, salad, chicken and pudding. I would still serve paella with seafood for other people.

I hate mushrooms. I absolutely could not force them down to be polite (and why should I??) to be honest if I were hosting people for food I would ask if there were anyhing the guests don’t eat - I’d want them to actually enjoy the food…

This. When I host I always ask ‘anything you don’t eat?’ If I get a list as long as my arm I will eye roll (allergies aside obviously), but if I heard ‘I eat anything except coriander/mushrooms/mayonnaise/something else easily avoided it wouldn’t bother me.

It does seem a bit rude, but whenever I ask anyone for dinner and they accept, my first question is always is there anything they don’t eat? So in a sense, they may have inferred that you would want to know this ahead of making a lot of effort to plan a meal.

When I host, I always ask for foods they don't like, or do particularly like. I want to ensure my guests enjoy the food I make for them, why would I want them to grin and bear food that they don't like?

I think you are being ridiculous to find this really rude. The only way I would be on your side is if they've done it really last minute like on the day or within a couple of days.

I personally, will always ask about food preferences when inviting, so I don't start planning the menu until I know likes/dislikes.

It seems weird and rude. Unless maybe one or both have some kind of ED issue or are ND and get freaked by certain foods? Is the stuff they don't like already part of what you were planning to make? Could you just literally offer them the veg and sides only? If people are uber fussy then it's better than nothing. Or ask them to bring something they can eat as you'll be making x dish.

I'm also think ED!

This is why I hate going to dinner at someone's house

There's loads of things I don't like and I'd hate to be rude and refuse whatever it was - and I would never give a list!

So I'd rather we'd go out and I could choose!

I’m in 2 minds about it

on the one hand, if they are fussy, they should have said upfront. A friend invited me and dh to a dinner party and I immediately said look I’m really sorry, my dh is quite fussy, if that makes anything difficult, he can just miss parts of the meal out. It was fine and we were invited again! He did end up eating everything anyway, both times.

on the other hand, serving a lot of seafood is quite risky. I’ve never eaten oysters or crab/shellfish/stuff like that, don’t even know what to do with it or what it tastes like. I’m not fussy, however I think I’d be a bit hesitant at a dinner party as it seems that stuff is often responsible for food poisoning. Shellfish is a common allergy - but how might you know if you’re allergic if you’ve never come across it? I would have gone for something simpler for these reasons.

I don't cook for people until I know their food preferences. If I host people I want them to feel comfortable and enjoy their food. I can't do that if I haven't talked to them about what they do and don't like to eat. I think your attitude is all wrong; hosting is about your guests having a good experience, not you pleasing yourself and then getting the arse because you've cooked something nobody wants to eat.

You are rude not to ask them in advance if there’s anything they don’t like.

I abhor cucumber, raw onion and anything with vinegar in it, and would gag if I forced myself to eat them. Luckily all my friends know this. But if a new friend was catering for me I’d tell them.

Why would you want your friends to force themselves to eat food they hate? Surely as a host you’d want them to have a nice experience?

Tbh, if there are no allergies/intolerances or other medical/religious/ethical restrictions, I would assume that an adult probably had an eating disorder if they gave me a list of likes and dislikes in this way.

Most grown adults are more than capable of eating what is in front of them, so this level of fussiness would indicate some kind of psychological issue?

I frame it as is there anything that makes you unwell? That moves it away from mere not liking.