Or is it really rude to make your food preferences known if you aren't the host?

[UnlikelySuperstar]

Allergies, religion and genuine diet requirements such as veganism aside aibu or is it really, really rude to say you don't like or don't eat something if you aren't the host?

We are hosting friends and I have been given a list of things they don't like. I've never done this, there's things I hate bit would eat if it was being served to me and especially if I wasn't paying or contributing. Only one couple has done it but its really annoyed me as we have already got the food in and now I feel like telling them to make sure they have tea before they come ( although I won't do that ), I'd put loads of effort in and a lot of expense and I can't see why grown adults can't keep their preferences to themselves.

Yabu - it's fine to let someone else put loads of effort into hosting and time and money only to then say 'don't like that/won't eat that' like a rude teenager
Yanbu - it's rude

Allergies aside, yes. Really rude.

Is there something on their list that you are planning to serve?

Have this couple been to you before and dread this particular dish/food?

Thank you, not sure what I want from this thread tbh was just fuming but I'm glad someone agrees!

Yes, really rude. I think you should reply to say, sorry you've already bought the food but hopefully there'll be bits they enjoy.

More or less all of it, they haven't but they asked what the menu would be and I told them only for the preferences to then be stated. But at the point it was known or certainly implied that it was planned out and expense had been spared already so it wasn't like it was a suggestion of what we could eat and they thought it best to mention before hand, which I wouldn't have minded. Was the way it was just stated as well, seemed really ungrateful.

No, not rude at all. Why would you want your guests to put on a brave face but secretly hate the food you'd made an effort to prepare? They're people you like, aren't they?

Depends on the list tbh. I really cannot stand lamb and would probably mention it if I thought there was a danger. I thought people tended to ask their guests if there was anything they didn't like.

If it's a list of 10+ items they are massively taking the piss.

Thank you I think I will, I'm sure there will be enough variety that they can get over it for an evening although now I'm conscious of it.

I would hope someone would tell me if there was something they really didn't like. But long enough in advance that I hadn't already bought it by the time they told me!
Personally, I wouldn't say anything as a guest and would just make the best on the day.

I love my friends and I'd hate to think I was virtually forcing them to eat something they hated, just to appease me.

That said, if I was inviting them to dinner I'd run the menu past them before shopping anyway.

If you have so many food aversions you can't get through a meal at a friend's then you don't go. Or you invite everyone to yours.

Usually they're excellent guests and I like them but I'm taken aback by the rudeness tbh, not what you say but how you say it but then I was bought up that you get what you're given and I can't get my head around people having likes or dislikes so I can't really empathise with completely not eating something which I know is rare.

If someone lets me know in advance that they can’t stand tomatoes/mushrooms/tripe then I’m fine with that. I’d far rather cook people food they actually want to eat than forcing down stuff food on principle that makes them feel sick.

But a last minute request? You’ll get what you’re given.

I suppose it depends how it’s done. I don’t like seafood in any form (really wish I did!) and couldn’t even force it down! I’d hate you to waste your money on me so I’d politely find a way to let you know I don’t eat seafood and if that was an issue due to your planned menu, I’d happily bow out of that course or the dinner party altogether etc.
Personally, if I was throwing a dinner party, I’d ask my guests if there was anything they had a particular dislike of. Just saves the hassle all round!
Certainly wouldn’t act like your description of your YABU though! If I hadn’t told you in advance, I’d either not eat that part or eat around if possible

I don't really like seafood I'd hate to go to someone's house and be served calamari or mussels you would be offended if i picked at it or just couldn't eat it, wouldn't you rather know dislikes than someone not eating or enjoying your food?

Very rude.

I remember being told very clearly by my DM as a very picky child that if I was at someone else's house I ate what I was given, pretended I liked it and thanked the person making it.

Not always easy to do was nearly sick at MIL's but a good rule for being a guest

Presenting you with a list late in the day is rude and strange, but I do always ask if I'm hosting if there's anything my guest really doesn't like, and double check specifically if I'm using any particularly controversial ingredients like coriander. I wouldn't want them to be sitting there uncomfortable and pretending to enjoy it out of politeness!

Hhmm? I don't know really. Was it an extensive list?
Some things you just can't pick around. I'm not allergic, but I really can't handle chilli and spicy food. I always let hosts know this and most try, but it amazing how many people say...oooh, it's not that spicy, you should be ok 🙄
I'm not going to eat spicy food to keep a host happy and If I was hosting I'd make sure all my guests had plenty to eat they liked.

I'd rather know but I'd rather know well in advance. I'd take it that they are close enough friends that they felt ok telling you.

If I was hosting I would always ask my guests what their likes / dislikes were.

It would depend. If someone wasn't fussy and really didn't like a specific food then I'd appreciate the heads up that they really don't like it. I'd rather not make something with fish if someone really didn't like fish. It's no big deal to me.

If someone handed me a list of all the items the don't like /would rather not eat then I'd find it rude though. It makes catering difficult and to me it's quite self-absorbed of the fussy eater to do that.

If I don’t know what people like, as a host I’d always ask. I’d hate someone to feel they had to choke down food on my account.

I think it depends. Telling your host in advance that you'd like fillet steak because chilli con carne is beneath you is absurdly rude.

Telling someone that you don't eat smoked fish because it makes you physically sick is not. It's only sensible to tell your host because no-one wants vomit on new cream carpet.

That is shockingly rude OP! Allergies aside, they are displaying very poor manners.

You have reminded me of the hideous occasion a guest told me that they and their partner were:

Gluten-free - OK
Vegan - OK but now a bit more tricky
Allergic to all spices - WTF!

We don't see them at our house any more and make them pick the restaurant.