Or is it really rude to make your food preferences known if you aren't the host?

[UnlikelySuperstar]

Allergies, religion and genuine diet requirements such as veganism aside aibu or is it really, really rude to say you don't like or don't eat something if you aren't the host?

We are hosting friends and I have been given a list of things they don't like. I've never done this, there's things I hate bit would eat if it was being served to me and especially if I wasn't paying or contributing. Only one couple has done it but its really annoyed me as we have already got the food in and now I feel like telling them to make sure they have tea before they come ( although I won't do that ), I'd put loads of effort in and a lot of expense and I can't see why grown adults can't keep their preferences to themselves.

Yabu - it's fine to let someone else put loads of effort into hosting and time and money only to then say 'don't like that/won't eat that' like a rude teenager
Yanbu - it's rude

Most people aren't meticulous and they do find it difficult@RampantIvy. And it's expensive too to make sure that every ingredient is nut free (for example). You're limited in the type of bread you buy as an accompaniment maybe. Usually only packaged products are safe, not the artisan loaf from the nearby bakery that you'd otherwise choose when having guests. Or the spice in your cupboard is may contain...that sort of thing. Many people with allergies have multiple allergies too which complcates things.

And most people are busy and they don't think of everything and I totally understand that. Some don't think of anything much. The meat is sliced on the same board nuts were chopped for the salad earlier, that sort of thing. Constant vigilance is needed and I hate being that person...again. No choice though.

Thank you for the care you go to when cooking.

Ofcourse it’s not rude. Why would you want to spend all that money cooking something they won’t eat? If they tell you at least you can make something people actually like.

I never understand people who host and just assume that everyone will like X dish.

Tbh I'd rather someone tell me what they don't like so I wouldn't waste my money or time.
If I was planning on asking someone to dinner, I would tell them beforehand what I was preparing and then if there is any food issues or aversions, they can tell me. I'd rather my guests have a good time but that's just me.

I've had to tell people about my intolerance to chilli due to my IBS. Surely that's a good thing to do so I don't embarrass myself or them?

I guess it's different for everyone.

Absolutely!

I invited DHs cousin who was in the area for a meal. Told her roast dinner.
She asked to bring a friend. FOUR people turned up - all refused veg AFTER I was plating up. Not much left to divide the just meat potatoes and yorkies meant for 2 between 4.

They were absolutely rude to present you with a list, and even more rude to let you know so soon before the meal, but bloody hell, some of the responses on here. All this ‘’You should eat what you’re given and pretend you like it’’ What on earth is the point of going to a dinner to eat something you don’t like just for the sake of politeness?

If I was a host I’d want to know what my guests enjoy, as that’s the entire point of hosting and attending dinner parties. I do get your point, OP, it’s the idea that someone shouldn’t ever make their preferences known at any point that I find baffling. Why would anyone want to put themselves through eating something they can’t stand, or the hosts cooking going to waste?

@ftp

I invited DHs cousin who was in the area for a meal. Told her roast dinner.^ She asked to bring a friend. FOUR people turned up - all refused veg AFTER I was plating up. Not much left to divide the just meat potatoes and yorkies meant for 2 between 4.^

Oh my goodness - how bloody rude of your cousin! I hope you read her the riot act afterwards and not invited her for a meal since. 🌹

It’s a bit awkward, I can see why you’re annoyed but would you really be happy serving people food they don’t like? What’s the point of that?