Or is it really rude to make your food preferences known if you aren't the host?

[UnlikelySuperstar]

Allergies, religion and genuine diet requirements such as veganism aside aibu or is it really, really rude to say you don't like or don't eat something if you aren't the host?

We are hosting friends and I have been given a list of things they don't like. I've never done this, there's things I hate bit would eat if it was being served to me and especially if I wasn't paying or contributing. Only one couple has done it but its really annoyed me as we have already got the food in and now I feel like telling them to make sure they have tea before they come ( although I won't do that ), I'd put loads of effort in and a lot of expense and I can't see why grown adults can't keep their preferences to themselves.

Yabu - it's fine to let someone else put loads of effort into hosting and time and money only to then say 'don't like that/won't eat that' like a rude teenager
Yanbu - it's rude

Much easier to just not invite them

If your inability to cook other dishes is a problem then yes, I guess so.

Not rude. I don't eat red meat and would freak out if you served me lamb.

Sometimes in here it’s like a parallel universe. I cannot fathom how people behave. Or declare they behave. From someone who Cooks multiple starters and mains for some unknown reason, I assume they are unable to come up with a menu to suit all to to others thinking you should eat what you’re given no matter how much you dislike it, or enquire as to the menu and decline of its not to your taste,

i mean wtaf is this behaviour. Are people making it up in the remote chance they are actually invited to dinner or hosted? This is their imaginary scenarios?

Whenever I invite people round for food, I run the menu past them/give them a choice of two options to make sure I'm not feeding them something they hate.

lol

Whenever I cook for friends or family I always ask them what they’d like and make a plan so I know I’m catering to everyone, I wouldn’t ever want to anyone to force down food just to be polite.

Goodness I have some catching up to do on this thread haha! Sorry for abandoning it I have been working all day today. For context, me and my dh and the other couples who will be coming along have previously visited a famous chefs seafood restaraunt and loved the food on holiday. Not saying I can match it but it gave me confidence fish / seafood was okay. Never had this couple for dinner dinner before, like I say barbecues but they didn't come to the restaraunt either so probably shouldn't have assumed but that's where the theme came from. I know some people have asked whether I've ever been served anything I genuinely dislike, I'd say honestly no but I do appreciate I'm really easy to cater for and my friends are generally good cooks too... from reading it seems maybe I do need to be a lot, lot more considerate of people's reasons for preferences ( especially from the post that said about people someone's saying its a dislike when infact it can cause embarrassing symptoms such as ibs etc if someone eats something they can't really tolerate ). I certainly will ask in future but like I say, it's more the way it was said in response that irked me however I do overuse smiley faces and emojis not to come across rude and I know not everyone messages that way so maybe it was intended to be read differently I don't know. I have frozen some of the bits from the menu and swapped them out for meatballs in a plain tomato sauce and added cous cous because its super easy. I think that should work. Added fruit too for dessert as it was very cream based. Thank you everyone for your replies :)

I always cater for my guests, i love cooking for people and I prefer to have them at my home then I can control the food.

I always cook a variety of things anyway, we are vegetarian, pescatarian, carnivore so I'm used to catering for 3 variations of one meal. I never plate someone's food either. It's either come and help yourself in the kitchen or in plates/bowls at the table to help yourselves.

I think it depends what is on their list and when they gave you the list.

I absolutely hate cucumber. Even the smell is just vile to me. To the extent that I very, very strongly prefer not to eat anything that has even touched cucumber. However, I don’t tell hosts this in advance because it’s very rarely the main part of any dish and I can almost always just eat round it.

However, if I felt similarly about something like fish that is often the main part of a dish then I probably would mention it in advance to avoid the host going to wasted effort/expense and me having to choke down something I hate.

That said, I would have to absolutely LOATHE something to think it worth mentioning and I would only do so at the time of the invite or very soon after, not closer to the date when plans may have been made. I would also have limited patience with being presented with a long list. One or two things fine, lots is just being fussy.

As a host when inviting people I always say to let me know if there’s anything they don’t eat - saves annoyances when finding out later and I want to make them food they’ll like.

I'm a nightmare around food. I get really anxious when we go to stay with people, and quite often can't eat what they're serving, I just eat the bits I can and move the rest around the plate.

A few friends know me well, so ask me if so and so will be ok and that's great. It's a throwback to when I was young, and I've tried to get over it, but there's still an awful lot of food I can't eat without gagging, so if someone asked me to give them a list, I'd be so grateful.

I always try to persuade people to go out one of the two nights if we're away for a weekend, then at least they don't have to worry about me, and I can eat something I know I can.

Why is it wrong @UnlikelySuperstar to say there are things you don’t like to eat? If you’re good friends it should be perfectly permissible to have this conversation.
If your friends visit and only nibble at your food, or hide it under their cutlery/napkin, you’d be mightily pissed off especially if you’d gone to a lot of effort?

Why not eat the nice food you’ve ordered on another day and enjoy it, instead serve them something simple and tasty? Then everyone is happy.

We always check with our friends first, for allergies obvs, also because why would you want to serve something they’d hate?! Surely trying to get something down you really hate and gagging on it has to be worse? Or do you want them hiding your meal in their handbag?

I wouldn’t go to a restaurant and choose a lentil stew because I fecking loathe the bastard things. Be nice, serve them food you will all eat.

Would you rather be offended if, after cooking the food, your friends felt awkward, forced to eat something, or just couldn't bring themselves to eat at all?
If people are coming round to mine, I ask if there's anything they'd really like to have, rather than dislikes. I think that's just being a good hostess.

This is so rude!!

I think I prefer this to the one evening when I’d told my in laws I was making a risotto with leeks. They waited until they arrived and my BIL said “so is there a lot of leek or just a bit as I don’t like leeks”

Haha you poor thing, out of interest was there a lot? Again though, leeks? Really are they that bad? I seem to have a lot to learn about food aversions in my head a leek could never cause offence...

It was chicken and leek so yeah a fair bit of leek 🤦🏻‍♀️ even the kids in my house enjoyed it so thought I couldn’t go wrong. He tried to pick the leeks out. I haven’t invited them back since then unless it’s been a bbq 🤣

Besides which Thai red curry contains fish sauce!

What do you want them to do, pretend they like it?

I LOVE leeks. Though by god what they do to my gut for about 3 days afterwards has made me avoid them for 20 years.

According to this thread I should eat them or I’m pathetic.

Theres a middle ground.

Why should people be required to subject themselves to food that revolts them - especially if the host is serving it knowing they hate it - just to please said host? All this talk about eating together not being pleasant, but what about how unpleasant it is to be expected to eat something horrible to you and pretend you like it?

I just won't eat anything that chains me to the bathroom anymore. But that's my problem so unless the host mentions her menu I just avoid those dishes.

All our friends are menopausal middle aged now so we all have food, drink issues these days even the men

I always ask before I buy if there is anything they don't like.

I personally think its ridiculous people find it rude. Why on earth would you invite people over and serve food they don't like? I was raised with a you get what your given attitude but when you actually think about it the idea that you would expect a grown adult to fake enjoying a meal for your own pleasure of hosting is ridiculous. They would just go home say how awful the food was and make a promise to get out the next invite. I would much rather my guests left happy, well fed and enjoyed my company

I usually ask people ‘is there anything you can’t or don’t eat’?
I’m GF and recently dairy free plus trying to lose weight so am sympathetic to most things but would not cope with short notice