Or is it really rude to make your food preferences known if you aren't the host?

[UnlikelySuperstar]

Allergies, religion and genuine diet requirements such as veganism aside aibu or is it really, really rude to say you don't like or don't eat something if you aren't the host?

We are hosting friends and I have been given a list of things they don't like. I've never done this, there's things I hate bit would eat if it was being served to me and especially if I wasn't paying or contributing. Only one couple has done it but its really annoyed me as we have already got the food in and now I feel like telling them to make sure they have tea before they come ( although I won't do that ), I'd put loads of effort in and a lot of expense and I can't see why grown adults can't keep their preferences to themselves.

Yabu - it's fine to let someone else put loads of effort into hosting and time and money only to then say 'don't like that/won't eat that' like a rude teenager
Yanbu - it's rude

Funnily enough when somebody said that people are fussy because they grew up eating 'meat and two veg' type food in previous generations (I think), my experience is that the older people I know (live in an area with an older demographic) eat anything, and certainly would never say that they don't eat/like something.

It's always younger people who are fussy, in my personal experience.

If you can eat fish but aren't really keen, just eat it and shut up and don't make your hosts life more complicated.

I'm not going to eat something that I absolutely hate, just because the host wasn't organised enough to ask guests before they went shopping whether there's anything they don't like.

@unloquacious

always grateful for the opportunity 😂

To be honest, I'd be more pissed off if I'd gone to huge expense and put a load of effort in only for the food to be barely eaten because a guest or guests didn't like the ingredients. I don't think there's anything wrong with potential guests telling you their likes and dislikes. In fact, if I were the host I'd ask them anyway.

I'm not 'fussy'

onions chopped big enough that I can see them

I'm sorry but you are contradicting yourself.

not liking the taste/texture of something isn't fussy. and if you are good friends or family you should be able to say I don't like peppers or fish or whatever without causing offence.

That’s definitely not been my experience. Fussy eating seems to happen across all ages.

No I wouldn't expect you to make yourself ill and if I knew you didn't eat mushrooms I wouldn't invite you round for a mushroom wellington. However if I've got 6 other people all queuing up to eat mushroom wellington I'm not making you mushroomless wellington and I'll probably just see you down the coffee shop or a nice walk in the park instead. I'll invite you when we have Hainan chicken rice. It's not like I hate you, I just don't want to cater for you specifically

I don’t think it’s rude. I can’t stand nuts, they make me want to throw up but if I don’t mention this people feed me things like nut roast (I’m vegetarian) and I won’t be able to eat it.

What would be the point? What a waste of food and that would be mega rude. So I always say ‘I don’t eat meat or nuts’. I’m happy to cater for myself if it’s difficult for people though.

I don't invite fussy people back. If someone has an allergy or religious reason, then fine, but I'm not bending myself out of shape for fuss pots.

I also don't do vegetarian or vegan. If that is your diet, lets meet at a restaurant instead.

I grew up in the 60s 70s my mum made bobotie etc, anything cheap to fill three children. She'd cut recipes from magazines, write them down from the radio. We ate Italian, Asian, SA early on because she sussed the cheap nutritious food.

We actually ate well for very little.

As a veggie I’m fine with this EXCEPT when the same people expect me to cater meat dishes for them at mine. I actually do, but if you won’t cook veggie for me why should I cook meat for you!! (Not saying you specifically, just generally)

Personally I'd cater for the person with allergy or intolerance. I was invited to a friend's for dinner a couple of weeks ago and she was going to make a main course with mushrooms as she's veggie. I explained I wouldn't be able to eat it and offered to take something she could heat up for me. She changed the main course something I could eat although it wouldn't have bothered me in the slightest to be eating something different!

Well I would actually say I won't eat Halal. So whilst that might sound rude to some people ethically and morally its very important to me. My partner can't bare onions, garlic or spice.

I don't invite fussy eaters back either. Actually I've only ever known one seriously fussy person, and she and I are no longer friends – for other reasons, but I do think her fussiness was part of what made her (IMO) difficult and unpleasant. She'd make 'yuck' noises and faces at the table if there was food she didn't like, make a big drama of everything you offered her etc.

But I don't see how veggie or vegan would put you out. There's a billion delicious meat-free and vegan recipes out there.

Why rude? Would you prefer to serve your guest a plate and they just leave it or start picking out bits they don't like? Or that they gag?

Why is dietary requirements for religious reasons OK but vegetarianism and vegan (if it’s for moral reasons) isn’t?

Obviously it’s your house so you can invite whoever you like, I’m just interested!

I mean sending you a long list is rude but I also wouldn't buy food without checking with my invitees roughly what I was going to make first. e.g. 'thanks for confirming you can make sat, was planning lamb for meateaters and vegetarian mousakka for the vegetarians, is that okay with everyone?

As others have said, if they don't like something to the point where they physically cannot eat it (I'm like this with baked beans, which tbf are unlikely to feature on most dinner party menus, to the point where I can't even smell them without wanting to dry heave), then surely you would be equally annoyed if you'd spent ££££ on fresh lamb/lobster or whatever only to have several portions go to waste and the guest going hungry.

Even if I like the food on offer it's still nice to have a heads up so I don't eat the same thing the night before/plan it myself for dinner the following day.

Good manners should work both ways - surely the point of being a good host is that your guests are happy, it's hardly a successful dinner party if some of them go hungry and leave early to sneak to the chippy before it closes, so I wouldn't expect guests to dictate the menu but would at least check they would eat what I was planning.

Equally so if I was the guest I wouldn't expect to choose like I was in a restaurant but if I couldn't eat lamb and got my example text above I think it would be fine to say 'So sorry, I'm really not a fan of lamb, could I have the moussaka instead please?' If host is cooking it anyway it's hardly a big imposition. If there wasn't another option I'd say something like 'So sorry I can't eat lamb, but will just have whatever you're doing with it,' (i.e rice/salad/starter etc.) and would eat more before I went so as to not be hungry, or offer to bring something myself.

I am sat on the fence. I hate all fish/shellfish and lamb. I physically cannot bring myself to eat it. Im not fussy in any other way apart from these two things.

I would mention this as prawns are a very easy starter and lamb can quite often be served. I would also add a caviat that I totally understand if this was their plan and I wouldnt attend

If you went to a dinner at Buckingham Palace and sat next to Queen Elizabeth II and would be capable of eating something with out a fuss but maybe not love it, that is not something that should be on any list given to a host about what you don't like.

TBH in that scenario I’d be more worried about sitting next to someone who’s been dead for 18 months.

I did specify fussy rather than allergic or intolerant but I don't think it's happened by accident that the majority of people I eat with are all happy eating anything.

Mostly we say what we're making when we invite people, they can choose to come or not, requesting changes would be weird

Bizarre how many people seem to either not like their friends or just turn into Victorian schoolteachers when it comes to food! Absolutely mad thing to feel superior and intolerant about, let alone the posters suggesting deliberately humiliating your guest?! But having a couple of foods you prefer not to eat is the 'weird' behaviour🙄

If I'm hosting it's because I want to put on a nice dinner for my friends. I want to make an effort for them and I'd far rather tweak my menu than have them cancel or feel uncomfortable - or waste food my guests don't like. If they have truly challenging dietary needs that you cba adapting to, you can always suggest just drinks, or going to a restaurant they approve. I have a couple of friends with intolerances and preferences and I'd always factor that in and accept it - just like most people adapt to all kinds of other needs and preferences, including ones you don't personally relate to.

The last minute aspect is not great, and you can say Oh no, it sounds like a lot of my menu won't be suitable. It's a bit late to re-plan but I'll try to adapt 1 of the dishes, and you're welcome to bring along or order in anything extra that would suit you.

I've just had this conversation with my Mother and my son. His wedding coming up, one adult relative with eating issues/disorder even, no special needs. So I suggested she get the same meal as the children at the wedding as she will eat the kid meal. I will make her pack snacks just in case this doesn't work. Everyone else will eat the wedding meal bar those of us with allergies (2 or 3)vegetarian (2 or 3) Not like we can go off and eat elsewhere it's country house wedding.
Going to a meal at a friends house they need to make their food needs known well in advice. I do.

Having an eating disorder is special needs…an eating disorder is a horrific thing to have. It’s absolutely special needs.

I would find this rude and entitled although I know some people would disagree.

I asked friends to dinner one Sunday and not only did they bring their two kids (not invited because they are spoiled little moaners.)

The couple emailed a long, long list of the uninvited kid’s preferences.

One stipulation was that their sons would only eat meat that didn’t look like meat, vegetables that didn’t look like vegetables etc.

So I decided f…k that and decided to give them a short lesson on manners.

Stuck 3 pounds of cocktail sausages in the oven.

Made a salad of mashed tomatoes.

Added a plate of hard boiled eggs with shells on.

And a large plate of white sliced bread and butter.

I also put the knives and forks the wrong way round - just to see their faces as they pondered my ‘ignorance.’

Weird thing was they stuffed themselves and there was nothing left and I had to put out more white bread.

There was no hard feelings as they had no sense of irony and thought this was normal for people like me 😂

We ended up dragging them on a very long walk, climbed a few stone walls, got chased by cows, escaped by climbing a rocky hill and ended up back home, grateful to have survived the cows and celebrated by drinking ourselves silly and them all staying the night.

P.S. Kids asked for sausages for breakfast 😂