Or is it really rude to make your food preferences known if you aren't the host?

[UnlikelySuperstar]

Allergies, religion and genuine diet requirements such as veganism aside aibu or is it really, really rude to say you don't like or don't eat something if you aren't the host?

We are hosting friends and I have been given a list of things they don't like. I've never done this, there's things I hate bit would eat if it was being served to me and especially if I wasn't paying or contributing. Only one couple has done it but its really annoyed me as we have already got the food in and now I feel like telling them to make sure they have tea before they come ( although I won't do that ), I'd put loads of effort in and a lot of expense and I can't see why grown adults can't keep their preferences to themselves.

Yabu - it's fine to let someone else put loads of effort into hosting and time and money only to then say 'don't like that/won't eat that' like a rude teenager
Yanbu - it's rude

I wonder if this partly depends on what you want from a dinner party. From what you’ve posted, it sounds like you have something very specific in mind in terms of what meal you’d like to do before you issue the invitations. I’d tend to invite the people I want and then figure out what to cook. Neither approach is better than the other, but the “figure it out later” leaves more scope for accommodating different requests.

Isn't it pretty obvious that fish and seafood are high risk options?

Why else do you think restaurants generally only have one or two fishy options on their menus

I don't eat fish or any sort of seafood - the smell & look of it makes me nauseous before we even get to the taste of it but prawns make me physically sick just looking at them.

I have a phobia of actual live fish/sea creatures though so before they've even made it to the plate I'm already in panic mode!

Thankfully people I'm close enough to eat with are all aware of my phobia & wouldn't dream of serving fish/seafood.

I just tell other people I'm allergic because it's easier than having to go through the whole "well how do you know you don't like it if you've never actually tried it?" "How can you be scared of a goldfish?" "What so you never go to the beach?"

I Imagine people who eat halal food wouldn't be in your circle of friends that invite you to dinner.

I would much prefer if friends told me there were things they didn’t like to eat and so I make something they like (rather then they made up some allergy - which I will remember and next time buy some “allergy free version”).

I always try and do a mix of food (some plain options) and in bowls so people can help themselves.

We are a ND household (lots of ND family) - so lots of us have food sensitives (and I’m sure would be consider fussy eaters). None of us do it on purpose and we’ve spent our life being being chastised for our eating (and apologising for our behaviour).

Frankly, if everyone is eating and happy - that’s consider a win here!

I much prefer it when people do this as then I won’t be worrying that they might not like something and it helps me to narrow down menu ideas.

I host a lot and would always offer a few options to avoid this issue. Eg beef and a veggie option. (epending on numbers, might even do 3 options) Plus we always have starters, bread, salads etc so even if someone doesn't like the main course, say, they are unlikely to starve.

Yeah maybe our way is strange but in our group we've got Spanish, Italian, French, Chinese, South American, Tamil and British people all in our group that regularly eat together in each others homes, maybe once a week or a couple of times in a month and we mostly tend to make food from our culture or background. You know in advance what you're getting.

We have loads more friends that we socialise with in different ways, but these get togethers are to enjoy food, we also go to places that do food we've never tried before and are adventurous eaters, fussy friend just wouldn't work.

If I am hosting between 2 to 4 people, I usually ask if there are any dietary aversions or intolerances. If it is a large number, I don't bother as I will be serving various dishes. Also with larger numbers, the harder it becomes. One of the worst dinners I hosted was for 6. Of that, I had one person who wouldn't eat fish, another who would only eat fish or seafood, a veggie who wouldn't eat cheese, and someone else who was GF and meat eaters. It was a nightmare to plan. I ended up cooking different dishes and did not enjoy hosting that combination. I never did that particular group of friends again!

When I have guests over for the first time I always ask if there's anything they don't like when i invite them. I find this approach works well.

I really dont like cinnamon or rosemary. I also hate lamb so I would have to tell people beforehand, or just not eat anything.
My idea of hell is roast lamb with rosemary .

As a guest I would probably put up with what I was given, unless it was coconut. I'm lucky that I can eat and enjoy pretty much everything. As a host, I ask my guests in advance if there's anything they don't like. For that reason YABU.

You should have cooked something vegan, like a red Thai curry.

Wouldn't have helped the person who only eats seafood, and the meat eaters may have been unhappy.

I think it would be rude if it were acquaintances or people you personally didn't know that well, like a partner's uncle or something, but I'm not sure how you wouldn't know your friends' preferences.

But when cooking for more than 4 people we generally do a table of things people can help themselves to rather than a formal sit down meal. Or we tell people at the time of inviting them what food will be served, for example at new year we did a big multi-part warming tray of separated pulled pork, chicken, stir fried veggies etc for bao buns and tortilla wraps. So people can eat before if they fancy something else, or potentially bring their own/addition.

Have always checked with guests beforehand. One friend only eats chicken, another doesn't eat mushrooms - we cater for their preferences. Not hard to do really

Well, if you do insist @asdunno 😂

This thread just reminds me how much I love buffets.

I always ask if there are any dietary requirements when someone accepts an invitation for a meal.
If it's just a couple or a family, I would tend to do a sit down meal and one of my go-tos is a casserole with chicken, onion, mushroom and pepper in a tomato sauce which I serve with either rice or potatoes. I cut the vegetables into big chunks so that it is easy for someone who doesn't like them to pick them out and I put it on the table for everyone to serve themselves. For a bigger group, I tend to do a buffet with a variety of different foods and I make things that leftovers can be frozen for a night when I don't have time to cook.

I have a group of young people from the church for a meal every couple of months before we go to an event together. One is vegetarian so I just make vegetarian food for everyone. Sometimes I buy pizza and other times I make a couple of pasta dishes - macaroni cheese and a tomato based pasta. I know that some of them are quite fussy and one lives on processed food and is wary of trying anything different, so I stick with what I know they will all eat.

A question I have is do super-fussy guests return the compliment when they host - ie asking everyone about preferences?

It’s the job of a host to be a good host, but the job of a guest to be a good guest. It seems a lot of posters are expecting more from their hosts than they are willing to offer in return. Upthread a poster mentioned “my well-being”: well, I think a host is just trying to get some people together for a dinner, not putting on a personalised wellness retreat.

I eat pretty much anything but once went to a dinner party where they served mushroom risotto. Every mouthful was torture.

Yes they did, I have recently stopped eating meat and this was taken into account on a recent return visit

Upthread a poster mentioned “my well-being”: well, I think a host is just trying to get some people together for a dinner, not putting on a personalised wellness retreat
Exactly this 😂

The considerate approach works well if there's only one individual requiring special handling and that person only objects to, let's say, fish. One item then, or at most two - say fish and tomatoes.

You have a massive problem on your hands if multiple guests won't eat:
Onions
Garlic
Basil
Parsley
Rosemary
Beef
Chicken
Fish
Tomatoes
Cream
Cheese
Pork
Lettuce
Olives
Mushrooms
Carrots
Broccoli
Anything spicy
Food that is green
Food that is red
Potatoes
Rice
Pasta
Food that reminds them of their granny

Allergies apart, people should suck it up for one evening. They're going for dinner in someone's house, not a restaurant.

As a guest you either tell people up front if there's something you really can't eat or you put up and eat it politely/eat around things. It's rude to only say once people have bought the food. And if you are picky acknowledge that you are picky. It's all very well saying you really hate it, but if everyone does that the poor host runs out of possible options pretty fast.

If I think there are likely to be issues I speak to people in advance, but it's on them to communicate clearly. The worst are people who claim to eat anything and then won't. Although it can he hard to remember the things you don't like because you often forget they exist as you ignore them! I'd struggle if served tongue for example.