Or is it really rude to make your food preferences known if you aren't the host?

[UnlikelySuperstar]

Allergies, religion and genuine diet requirements such as veganism aside aibu or is it really, really rude to say you don't like or don't eat something if you aren't the host?

We are hosting friends and I have been given a list of things they don't like. I've never done this, there's things I hate bit would eat if it was being served to me and especially if I wasn't paying or contributing. Only one couple has done it but its really annoyed me as we have already got the food in and now I feel like telling them to make sure they have tea before they come ( although I won't do that ), I'd put loads of effort in and a lot of expense and I can't see why grown adults can't keep their preferences to themselves.

Yabu - it's fine to let someone else put loads of effort into hosting and time and money only to then say 'don't like that/won't eat that' like a rude teenager
Yanbu - it's rude

What have they said they dont like?

I’m another person who is glad that dinner parties aren’t part of my life. My friends and I either get a takeaway or meet up in a restaurant. It takes the pressure off anyone with dietary restrictions.

I would love to see the list of nine different dishes, @UnlikelySuperstar, and also how extensive the list of "don't likes" you got back was. I get stressy trying to get dinner on the table for any more than the four of us that are usually here, I think I'd be a grateful guest at your house 😃

If I am having people over for a meal, I will always ask them if there is anything they don’t eat, because this covers allergies and preferences and aversions. I’d rather start out with all the information, and use that to plan the meal.

If I’m a guest at someone else’s house, and I’m served something I really don’t like, I will do my best to eat it - for example, I cannot stand coriander (the herb, not ground coriander seed) - it tastes like soap - but if it is in the food someone has gone to the effort to cook for me, I will eat it.

There is one thing I cannot eat even to be polite
and it's a pretty standard food for most people. If I'm going to someone's house for dinner as in a sit down meal I would tell them as if it was in the meal I wouldn't be able to eat it.
But if there were other options I'd say nothing.
If I was cooking for someone I would probably ask if there was anything they didn't eat.

I wouldn't do it myself but I wouldn't mind guests telling me what they don't like tbh.

It would be awful if they turned up and didn't like the main thing I'd cooked.

But would you not, when inviting someone over, ask if there was anything they couldn't eat/didn't like? I was giving a vegetarian girlfriend of DS' lots of Yotam Ottolenghi type vegetable-based dishes for months, before he let me know that she really didn't like this kind of food and 'veggie' in her household meant Quorn substitutes in burgers/ragu/cottage pie. I've known double-dyed carnivores who hate lamb/pork but will cheerfully fall upon everything else. Some people are really weird about any cut of chicken that isn't breast fillet.

It's tricky if the host doesn't ask for the guest to then chip in, though, without looking a bit entitled and snotty. We had a party for some neighbours when we first moved in, and were informed in advance by one guest that she could only drink 'very good quality wine' otherwise she would be ill! I responded we were really happy for people to bring and drink their own to supplement what we would be providing!

I cook regularly for my friends and ask “what are you fancying?”
Why would you cook food if there’s a possibility that some might not like it?

@StockpotSoup quite right 😆😆

Do people with ARFID and other food issues take any vitamin/mineral supplements?

If you can’t be honest with friends are you really friends? It’s not rude unless they told you very last minute. I personally would rather know someone didn’t like something and give them an alternative than watch them struggle to eat something to avoid offending me. I can’t eat food I don’t like without feeling physically sick so I wouldn’t eat it just to please the host which I think would make a more awkward situation.

Depends if it's a buffet type thing then yes it's rude because there's that much variety then there's going to be something for everyone except my autistic son who I wouldn't expect anyone to feed and would say i'll bring his as he doesn't eat many things. A sit down meal I would ask if there's anything they don't really like as a host and I would say what I will not eat at all when invited over. I would much rather people say if there's anything that would put them off the meal, no wasting money and food too that way so I would much rather know.

So rude of your guests. However i have a fat idea of friends likes and dislikes e.g very good friend hates anything pork so I would never serve it

I had the opposite to this once. I hosted a partty for my child and invited a vegan from their class. I offered to get thiings in but the parent refused. I found this also very rude and incredibly awkward. I had to feed the child veg crudites and nothig else as I didn't want to risk it going uneaten. I was prepared to cook separately and everything but was turned down. The parent insisted they would bring something when they later came and didn't show up until around 7. So this child had been in school all day and straight to oyr house with not a lot in her tum until 7. I haven't invited them again as I felt so uncomfortable for the child. She wouldn't even accept an ice lolly.

Think I would ask them to bring a dish they can/will definitely eat. You’ve already gone to a lot of trouble!

It depends how long the list is. I dont eat fish (apart from fish fingers or cod). I dont like tuna, salmon, prawns etc and if they were served at someones house I genuinely wouldnt eat a single bite of them as I find them that replulsive.

I think turning up at someones house for dinner and then not eating it is extremely rude so I always tell anyone who hosts us that I dont eat fish as I think that is more polite than them buying it, cooking it, serving it and them me not eating it.

However, this is the only thing I dont eat. If there was a long list then I would find that difficult to manage, but would probably make them something separate if they were that fussy.

It’s a bit forthright but I would never think a good friend rude for letting me know what their food preferences are. Although it is perhaps bold (and of course inconvenient for you to have to change your planned menu- but wouldn’t you rather know now than on the night when the person doesn’t eat anything and you are both embarrassed?)

I don’t have any allergies and like everything but for health reasons I can’t eat sugar or anything high in carbohydrates. It is sometimes a pain (pizza and pasta nights aren’t fun!) But normally it’s as simple as having the chilli but not the rice, the meat or fish but not the potatoes/ pastry, the cheese but not the crackers and so on. Obviously passing on pudding (sob)! My good friends know that I have to follow a virtually ketogenic diet and there’s always a tray of cured meats and cheese on hand if their main dishes can’t easily be separated from the carbs. If I’m going to people I don’t know very well and who don’t know how I eat, I generally don’t announce it in advance. Instead I have a good snack beforehand at home, so that if there is little I can eat I’m not starving and I just don’t draw attention to it when I’m there. Nobody really scrutinises what you’re putting on your plate anyway.

One or two major aversions/dislikes is OK, but I do think it's rude to rattle off a big list of things you don't eat unless there's medical, health or neurodivergent reasons.

I have a full-on food aversion to melted cheese (which close friends know already) so I would mention that if the opportunity arose, but I know it's weird and a pain so I'll always do my best to appreciatievely eat everything else on offer.

Only managed to read half of the thread so far but I too think it was a bit of a gamble opting for shellfish/fish as many, many people I know either are allergic or dislike intensely. However, I really hope your dinner party goes well now OP.

I will admit to being a nightmare eater.
Just as a starting point there is no way I could eat anything containing garlic, mayo or vinegar. I cannot eat blue cheese or any smelly/runny cheese including goat, parmesan etc. I cannot eat the vast majority of Italian, Spanish, Moroccan, Greek or Mexican foods. (You wouldn't believe how many countries I have visited though 😂). I love crab and lobster and pretty much all fish but definitely not squid, mussels, octopus, whelks etc. Cannot stomach dressing on salads or anything cooked in a sauce. This isn't a complete list by a long way 🙄. Basically I can only eat really PLAIN foods.

Believe me when I say I absolutely hate being this way but it is a result of a somewhat difficult childhood and being left to fend for myself for much of the time back in the late 50's/60's onwards when life and foodstuffs available were very different.

As you can imagine we hardly ever eat out in this country as I find the menus just too stressful. We almost always refuse dinner invitations too but I do thank the host profusely but follow up with, "Honestly, you really don't want me there as I am a nightmare with food."

Some people are genetically programmed to taste food differently. Coriander and avocado are two main ones and if you have the mutation they taste like soap.

My mum has severe reflux and a hiatus hernia she can't eat dairy, meat, spice, garlic, alcohol including in a sauce, caffeine plus other stuff
My sister is vegan
My other sister has had her gallbladder removed and can't tolerate fatty dishes
I have a histamine intolerance which causes non immune anaphylaxis
My daughter has 20 food allergies
My dad doesn't eat anything with rice or pasta
I have a very strong dislike of mashed potatoes it tried to suffocate me. Pull me two out before you mash them and I'm good!

We still find it pretty easy to eat as a full family. The accompaniments are the same the star of the show is tailored to the person.

I have a friend who doesn't eat anything that has been in water
Another that doesn't eat beef or anything spicy
My sister in law has extensive probably afrid like issues with food and dissects everything she eats

I love entertaining and I don't think we have ever failed in adapting dinner for everyone. Me made a chilli free vindaloo for our friend that didn't like spice. She was thrilled and enjoyed the curry flavour without any chilli at all.

I think once you have dipped a toe into food related issues you start seeing just how many people are living with restricted diets either through food intolerance or allergies or mental health with afrid or eating disorder to sensory disorders and general food dislikes. I think for those that don't realise to check with guests about foods that can't or won't eat. Check your privilege.
Ensuring my daughter has appropriate food at nursery and parties takes up so much of my life. I do respond at the same time as the invite. She has an extensive list of allergies so I always go with the approach of find out what they are doing and how it can be adapted rather than give the full list.

As a host I would generally ask if there’s anything they don’t eat for whatever reason.
I cannot eat lamb or butter but if I arrived to roast lamb I’d just say I’d have everything else bar the meat.
DD has a nut allergy. For her I would always bring back up food . Luckily family know and ensure she has food.

I would tend to ask in advance, e.g. "I am thinking of cooking chilli, do you like that?"
My DP and I are vegetarian and our friend invited us over for dinner. She had checked with us a couple of weeks before that we were vegetarian and I said yes, hope that's ok. On the day she said, looking forward to seeing you later, I am doing a fish curry, hope that's okay? I felt awful saying so sorry but we don't eat seafood...but am relieved that she did check

It’s obviously good manners to ask your guests if there’s anything they don’t eat and to work your menu around your guests.
To invite a guest without asking and expect them to eat something they don’t like is absolutely absurd.
What kind of a hostess are you?
You sound appalling, I bet they’re all looking forward to a real fun night with you!

Allergies, religion and genuine diet requirements such as veganism aside aibu or is it really, really rude to say you don't like or don't eat something if you aren't the host?

How do you know about allergies, religion and diet requirements if you don't ask them in advance what they can eat? And if/when you ask this, does the subject of things they don't like not arise?

I can't imagine asking people for dinner and not asking them. I know someone who won't eat cheese (preference, not need). Would I make a lasagne and expect them to eat it regardless? Of course not. Another one never eats chocolate. Would I make chocolate cake for them? Of course not. It's supposed to be a pleasurable occasion, why would you do this?

Giving people food they hate and expecting them to eat it anyway is just weird. You're the rude one here OP.

It's really quite entitled.

I hate having to warn people about me having to be strictly GF but I also hate the thought of them buying and wasting food for me. I also worry that they may have no idea re cross contamination etc when cooking so I usually offer to bring my own food.

As for things I don't like, I hate liver but I've forced myself through my fair share of pate's. It's the grown-up thing to do, surely? Just eat the bits you can and hide the rest under the garnish!