To have said I wasn't going to feed them?

[chucklechucky]

This happened last weekend but only had chance to post.

Last Saturday I ended up looking after DSS 11 by myself when DH had to work overtime. We also have a 3 year old together.

DSS had asked for a friend to sleep over which to be honest I wasn't keen on as I was by myself and could have done without another child in the house when DH wasnt there but I reluctantly agreed after a bit of guilt tripping!

I did say to DH though that if DSS's friend was staying then he would have to have tea at his own home first and come after that as I didn't want to have to feed him as well (the friend). We didn't have any pizzas to chuck in unless I dragged a 3 year old to the shop for one and what I'd planned to cook was more of a sit at the table kind of meal which I didn't want to have to do with DSS's friend, who I've never met.

Dh seemed a bit put out by this and was making comments like "you wouldn't say that if it was DC3s friend when they are older".

We ended up getting into a little bit of an argument and I basically said he either eats before he comes or he doesn't come. Dh did end up speaking to DSS who asked his friend to have tea first. Friend did so, came over, and they were fine (if not a little loud and had to be told a few times to keep it down once it was late).

Things with me and DH were tense the next day.

Was I being unreasonable? I felt I was doing DH a favour as it was, and then another on top having DSS's friend over when he wasn't there and I just cba cooking tea for another person on top of that too and having to have a sit down meal with a random 11 year old I didn't know.

I don't see how it's a big deal to just simply ask a friend to have tea before coming over. Aibu?

And you think the mum of the friend should be calling the social services because the step mum refused to let her son go over for dinner. Even though she made DSS dinner.
Are you completely off your rocker? 😂

Don't bloody marry someone who already has kids then. The absolute state of some of these comments 🙄

Oh give it up hon. You dont have a leg to stand on really.

Agree. I go find it frightening how many women manage to justify to themselves behaving like the wicked stepmother: “oh they aren’t mine, if DH doesn’t like it he shouldn’t have brought me onto the scene, oh I’m not legally required to do a,b,c. Why should I?!” If you knowingly step into someone else’s world - a child, at that - not invited by them, I’m afraid you do owe it to them to bend over backward not to degrade their life by doing so. So yes, sometimes that will involve biting your tongue AND making an effort.

You are very unreasonable and nasty

This sort of crap annoys me. I owe no one anything. My intimate relationships thankfully do not need to adhere to your moral code. If I marry someone the terms and arrangements of that marriage - including the treatment of children within it - are are not your business, so long as the children are cared for. Go and service your own perfect life and leave other people’s more complicated dynamics alone. You know nothing.

The name does suit indeed katbum, I'll give you that. Moral code is different for you is it. It does sound yours is on a different side of the scale indeed. I wish you and your family find a more peaceful place in your life.

Caring for children doesn’t just mean making sure they aren’t naked and dying of hunger.
People do owe each other things: it’s called decency, kindness and consideration.
I do understand- to a degree- the warrior mindset that gets aired on these threads by women who don’t want to be under the thumb of men. Many have suffered and accordingly the reaction is natural. But few have suffered at the hands of innocent children and the “I do what I like and answer to none “ philosophy is not defensible when applied to children.

Funny how step-dads aren’t expected to ‘bend over backward’ for step-children, to use your phrasing.

This thread is dripping with misogyny.

They absolutely are

And again the misogyny word is deployed because the emphasis always has to be on protecting grown women over children.

She doesn’t need to justify or defend it, given that your approval really isn’t necessary when it comes to how her family works.

anyway, this thread has been a riot. Until the next one, folks!

Funny how step-dads aren’t expected to ‘bend over backward’ for step-children, to use your phrasing.

I think you're wrong there.

She doesn’t need to justify or defend it, given that your approval really isn’t necessary when it comes to how her family works.

Probably best not to ASK on MN then.

The misogyny word is deployed because of your misogynistic tropes like ‘wicked stepmother’. All because a school friend had tea at home.

She can ask wherever she likes, you don’t own or run MN.

and deny posters the opportunity to get mad about it?

All because a school friend had tea at home.

night, hun

She can ask wherever she likes, you don’t own or run MN.

🙄 yeah sure

Well in that case people can comment as they like.

She doesn’t need to take any of it on board; but the point of forums is to provide feedback as to how things look from other perspectives.

Yes, people can comment as they like but whoever said below is still right:

She doesn’t need to justify or defend it, given that your approval really isn’t necessary when it comes to how her family works.

Well this has been fun!

She doesn’t need to justify or defend it, given that your approval really isn’t necessary when it comes to how her family works.

No shit sherlock.

Honestly we're at the nuts bit now aren't we.

Stepfathers tend to be labelled abusive. Really tragically, they sometimes are. Not always, but sometimes.

She doesn’t need to justify or defend it, given that your approval really isn’t necessary when it comes to how her family works.
You'd have to wonder why op bothered to start a thread, really, when you see this kind of finger wagging (from someone who told another poster she didn't own or run MN) 😂
Clearly she wanted opinions.