To have said I wasn't going to feed them?

[chucklechucky]

This happened last weekend but only had chance to post.

Last Saturday I ended up looking after DSS 11 by myself when DH had to work overtime. We also have a 3 year old together.

DSS had asked for a friend to sleep over which to be honest I wasn't keen on as I was by myself and could have done without another child in the house when DH wasnt there but I reluctantly agreed after a bit of guilt tripping!

I did say to DH though that if DSS's friend was staying then he would have to have tea at his own home first and come after that as I didn't want to have to feed him as well (the friend). We didn't have any pizzas to chuck in unless I dragged a 3 year old to the shop for one and what I'd planned to cook was more of a sit at the table kind of meal which I didn't want to have to do with DSS's friend, who I've never met.

Dh seemed a bit put out by this and was making comments like "you wouldn't say that if it was DC3s friend when they are older".

We ended up getting into a little bit of an argument and I basically said he either eats before he comes or he doesn't come. Dh did end up speaking to DSS who asked his friend to have tea first. Friend did so, came over, and they were fine (if not a little loud and had to be told a few times to keep it down once it was late).

Things with me and DH were tense the next day.

Was I being unreasonable? I felt I was doing DH a favour as it was, and then another on top having DSS's friend over when he wasn't there and I just cba cooking tea for another person on top of that too and having to have a sit down meal with a random 11 year old I didn't know.

I don't see how it's a big deal to just simply ask a friend to have tea before coming over. Aibu?

This. If a kid comes to my house hungry they get fed, even if it means improvising with freezer tapas! Honestly some people are so bloody precious, nobody was asking for a 3 course slap up meal.

It must suck a bit though, never being able to say no. We all know stepmums are never allowed to say no.

What even the " not my child, not my issue " type?

Op has absolutely no issue saying no.

He could be squirming because he always gets tea at his mates house

I know everyone’s different but it doesn’t sound like something an 11 year old boy would worry about.

• Maybe something obvious like a messy house would embarrass them but “*ohh I’ve eaten tea at John’s house twice now and not once has it been reciprocated” is probably not gonna make it to the top of the list of a teenagers woes.

How very dare she

"You’re not obliged to babysit his child..."

Seriously... ??? If the roles were reversed, and the DH had this attitude about the DW's child from a previous partner... peeps would be saying he's being a shallow Git.

How insensitive and uncaring people are... IMO, when you marry and commit to a person that has custody (or not) of a child from a previous relationship, you should 'Fully Accept' your new partner and their child.

I have been a step-parent for 35 years to three beautiful kids (full grown now)... two girls and a boy... the boy/man, being the youngest is Special Needs... never once were they an inconvenience... I loved my partner (now deceased) with all my heart and soul... and so did I their children... It doesn't take much effort to L❤️VE those that are in your life...

Not a bad thing IMO. Better than being a stepmum who feels like she can never say no. That can’t be healthy.

I'm wondering what has happened to @chucklechucky . Is she a goady fucker, the mother of the unfed unwanted child, the mother of the step child or a troll ?

I'd have ordered pizzas in tbh.

Maybe she just didn’t want to stick around for a kicking. Not everyone does.

Me too. But OP said she didn't want to talk to the child.

*know everyone’s different but it doesn’t sound like something an 11 year old boy would worry about.

Maybe something obvious like a messy house would embarrass them but “ohh I’ve eaten tea at John’s house twice now and not once has it been reciprocated” is probably not gonna make it to the top of the list of a teenagers woes.*

Well I'm not going to come up with list of possible squirming issues for you to wack a mole.

Use your imagination. 11 year olds squirm and feel awkward like everyone else. A pissed off adult giving out vibes would probably be enough to do it.

Were you brought up to be so unkind? It's 1 extra child not the whole of the British Army for god sake! Put yourself in the child's shoes. How would you have felt if you had been him? And how embarrassing for your stepson.

Why couldn't you sit at a table with him? Did you expect him to eat with his feet and throw food about?!

I also don't think you like your stepson very much either if you see looking after him as a childcare favour that you are doing for your husband.(And tbh that way of thinking seems very popular on here in regards to caring for step children)

Children don't ask to be a step child. They just want to be cared for and if you can't do that fairly and willingly then you're in the wrong relationship. You're husband is right to question whether your attitude would've been different had it been a friend of your own child.

Not only were you being unreasonable, you were unkind and horrible.

Mean spirited and mean. On the kids.

I wouldn’t want to embarrass DSS by getting him to ask his friend to eat first… I’d of just fed them… or got pizzas.. or ordered in. Puts him in an awkward position

I can’t believe the husband didn’t immediately fall over himself to suggest a takeaway pizza for his son and his friend which he really should have done if he cared about things being easy for OP. It should have been his immediate suggestion but nope. He would have rather Op went out to the shop instead.

And OP didn’t suggest ordering pizzas in either, maybe because she would have been met with a sulky response from him.

what I'd planned to cook was more of a sit at the table kind of meal which I didn't want to have to do with DSS's friend, who I've never met
Nobody expected op to go to the shop. She didn't want to serve the friend anything he'd expect to be allowed to sit at the table to eat.

Ok and when she voiced her worries to her husband, rather than him snarl back at her he should have said, “Order a pizza in, it will be much easier and they’ll love it.”

Her worries? 🤣

Are you the husband? 😂

Why would you say that? How peculiar.

All 75% of us who think she is being unreasonable must be the husband.

What’s wrong with her worrying about it by the way? Do you ever worry about stuff?

You were being unnecessarily mean! It’s true you would have done it for your own child. Your step child is now your family - treat them like it

Well I’m not asking you to.

I don’t think there’s any point in either of us cooking up imaginary scenario's (no pun intended).