To have said I wasn't going to feed them?

[chucklechucky]

This happened last weekend but only had chance to post.

Last Saturday I ended up looking after DSS 11 by myself when DH had to work overtime. We also have a 3 year old together.

DSS had asked for a friend to sleep over which to be honest I wasn't keen on as I was by myself and could have done without another child in the house when DH wasnt there but I reluctantly agreed after a bit of guilt tripping!

I did say to DH though that if DSS's friend was staying then he would have to have tea at his own home first and come after that as I didn't want to have to feed him as well (the friend). We didn't have any pizzas to chuck in unless I dragged a 3 year old to the shop for one and what I'd planned to cook was more of a sit at the table kind of meal which I didn't want to have to do with DSS's friend, who I've never met.

Dh seemed a bit put out by this and was making comments like "you wouldn't say that if it was DC3s friend when they are older".

We ended up getting into a little bit of an argument and I basically said he either eats before he comes or he doesn't come. Dh did end up speaking to DSS who asked his friend to have tea first. Friend did so, came over, and they were fine (if not a little loud and had to be told a few times to keep it down once it was late).

Things with me and DH were tense the next day.

Was I being unreasonable? I felt I was doing DH a favour as it was, and then another on top having DSS's friend over when he wasn't there and I just cba cooking tea for another person on top of that too and having to have a sit down meal with a random 11 year old I didn't know.

I don't see how it's a big deal to just simply ask a friend to have tea before coming over. Aibu?

This.

^^ All of this.
Or just never do sleep overs, but be consistent.

Having been pre-warned he wasn't going to be offered dinner.

I'll bet you have a much better relationship with your kids than some on this thread
I think it’s possible to have a good relationship with your kids and not let them get their own way every time. The two are not mutually exclusive.

Is there any evidence he cares?

I mean when I was a kid if you asked for a sleep over you just hoped the answer would be yes, because it sometimes no. I don’t think I expected another family to be obliged to feed me (nor would my parents of encouraged me to kick off if they didn’t). It was the 80s though, maybe times have changed.

I cannot imagine not offering a guest something to eat. The child is 11. I imagine that he doesn’t want to eat with you either, but you are the adult. Sort a pizza (they deliver apparently), a jacket potato, toasted cheese. Oven chips. It’s not difficult (and neither is taking a three year old into the shops quickly.)
Be honest, you were being arsey. It’s ok, it happens. But don’t do it again, your DSS doesn’t deserve this.

Seriously? Op's stepson had to call his friend and warn him he wasn't going to be offered anything to eat, and you're trying to justify this on the basis that he may not care?
Some people 🤦🏼‍♀️

Yes, seriously.

(sorry for the edit btw)

The father wasn't exactly falling over himself to care for his own child or his child's friend.

This man chose to take a wife and have a child with her but leaves her to do the parenting and the entertaining of his older child's friends.

He didn't cover himself in glory here.

This! ☝️

Why were you so unkind? Do you not feel supported enough? Is money a problem? So many ways to solve the issue: I’m sure you have some slap up meal ingredients at home (chips, chicken nuggets, beans on toast, toasties or the like). As the other mum I would have questioned letting my child stay at yours if you can’t provide food. You come across as mean.

On a personal level I wonder if your relationship with your partner is good in general or if you are always a bit mean and “cannot be arsed”. I agree with his comment that you would have done it if it had been your child who wanted the sleepover. I hope you can rethink your behaviour. Your youngest is 3 and you could have easily popped to the shop or sent your DSS as others suggested.

This man chose to take a wife and have a child with her but leaves her to do the parenting and the entertaining of his older child's friends
Once! The absolute hype 😂

Is there any evidence he cares?

Nope none.

But it's irrelevant.

As neither is there any evidence he wasn't squirming when his mates family were rung and told to feed the other child first.

So it's all open to speculation.

So much dramatic language. Warned he wasn't going to be fed 😂

The liklihood is he just said yeah you can stay after tea. Big deal. I can't imagine any 11 year old hearing something so none eventful and being horribly offended at the idea their friends parent asked them to come after they'd had tea. The main thing is they got their last minute sleepover which is what I imagine they will have given a shit about ultimately.

My stepmum was mean and petty like this. Since I was 10. Exact behavioural pattern. They divorced. Now she's complaining that the third wife is mean to her daughter 🤣

Maybe read the op again rather than balls on about the "likelihood". She's said exactly how it played out 🤷🏻‍♀️

Wasn't he working overtime, he wasn't partying, lol.

This man chose to take a wife and have a child with her but leaves her to do the parenting and the entertaining of his older child's friends.

He was working. Presumably for money that contributes to the family. So I don't really buy this " leaving her to do the parenting etc " thing. If he was in the pub I'd agree.

From OP 's update I'd agree and say he's not covered himself in glory.

Yes she told her husband the child ate first or didn't come. I don't imagine that's how DSS worded it to their friend do you?

I don't know how other people work things but when my DSC have sleepovers these days (similar age) its rare that you're on the phone arranging it with their parents. They just sort it between themselves, typically over text or an xbox headset, and then you drop them off. I highly doubt, regardless of what OP said to her husband, that the friend was literally told "I'm warning you that my step mother has refused to feed you" 😂

🤣

Wow. Doesn't really seem like a well blended family to me. Your poor step son

If he doesn’t care what’s the issue?
Why would he be squirming because his mate has to eat his tea before coming over?

I highly doubt, regardless of what OP said to her husband, that the friend was literally told "I'm warning you that my step mother has refused to feed you" 😂

Kind of not the point what he said.

It's that he knows that although his mate is allowed over, he's not allowed to have tea with him and his little brother just before.

Still feels petty.

If he doesn’t care what’s the issue?
Why would he be squirming because his mate has to eat his tea before coming over?

He could be squirming because he always gets tea at his mates house. Or his SM is being really pissy and he's feeling a hostile atmosphere. Or not.

There's no evidence he cares or doesn't care. That's my point.

I quite often state sleepo guest can come after t. my ds is 13. guaranteed would STILL probably need pizza/french toast or something as "supper2cos they eat like hollow legs. i wouldnt worry over it-kids was happy?

I have 3 DSC of my own... from day one, I treated them as my own. They are my Family❤️❤️❤️... they have never, ever... been an inconvenience to me...

It must suck a bit though, never being able to say no. We all know stepmums are never allowed to say no.