MIL wants to attend funeral but is supposed to be my childcare

[tinatsarina]

So my MIL has the kids for me next Monday while I have 3 job interviews that afternoon. she's now told me she has to attend her sister in laws, brothers funeral. My parents both work so can't cover my childcare (half-term here). Told my partner to tell his mum she can't go but he said she's entitled to and people don't owe me anything. He's now potentially taking the day off even though she had already agreed to the childcare first AIBU to be annoyed that they are prioritising this funeral over the childcare?

You wanted to tell her she 'can't' go to a funeral?!

Bloody hell, she wouldn't have been unreasonable to refuse childcare ever again if you'd tried that!

Are you incredibly stressed by the interviews? Can you take a step back and look at this clearly and see how outrageous it would have been to tell her she can't go to a funeral?! Thank God your DH has stepped in before you did that!

YABU (slightly) - it’s a funeral. It’s unfortunate timing but MIL has the right to change plans as she is now unavailable. Let DH take the day off, it is now his problem/responsibility to sort.

Having said that, MIL has just shown that she is not a reliable source of childcare. Do not rely on her when you and DH are both working, you need to hire someone or arrange daycare.

firstly they might, and secondly she might well choose to go anyway, with or without permission - people do put funerals above their jobs you know

This has to be a reverse. No one is this entitled.

And? Maybe she wants to go to support her sister in law? I can't quite believe your attitude. It's a joke right?? 😱😱😱

Of course they would, I always approve requests for leave for my team for funerals and I've never seen a request be denied even if its inconvenient

You need to stop abusing your Mils good will or you might find it runs out and then you will have far bigger issues

It's OK that she hasn't seen the deceased for years. Funerals are very special occasions, a one off event that can't be replicated.

This is so bizarre though, I'm beginning to wonder if things are difficult between you. If so then she could be using this as an excuse to perhaps get out of a dynamic she finds hard to navigate, but even then it's OK to cancel looking after her grandchildren in order to go to a funeral.

Do you pay your MIL for childcare?

This cannot be real.

Of course she'd get time off work for a funeral, that's entirely normal. Unless she was a teacher or something with restricted leave.

How do you think people go to funerals normally? There not only attended by retired people

It's not all about you. Stop being an entitled and selfish hun, and think about someone who wants to pay their respects to a relative who has died. Working out the right thing to do in this situation isn't complicated.

Of course they would 😂

If this isn't a reverse, you are horrible.

Are you for real?

It's a funeral. Your DH can and is taking a day off.

Be grateful you didn't moan to any of these potential employers about it first as you'd have been unemployable with such a lacking of any emotional intelligence.

She'd be within the realms of reasonable to tell you she's never looking after your kid for you again.

She's not off for a jolly, she's going to a funeral. Have some grace.

This can not be real. Surely no one is this self centred

But she’s not employed, she’s doing you a favour by looking after your kids on occasion (or routinely?). And she wants to go to this funeral, pay her respects and possibly catch up with people she’s not seen in years.

I don’t know about your boss but mine who can be a bit of a twat at times would try very hard to make it possible for someone to attend a funeral. Because funerals are usually late notice and it’s no one’s fault.

This isn't real, no one has three interviews in one afternoon. You'd be weeping your way through the last one and forgetting what you'd said in which one.

If it is real, you're insinuating that your MIL is feigning affection for a dead distant relative in order to get out of childcare. If you think she prefers a funeral to caring for your children, you need to find a childcare alternative!

YABVVVU Are you not reading your own comments?? Surely you can see how unreasonable you’re being.

it’s unfortunate that she now has a funeral, but you don’t pay her, so you can’t decide if she gets to have ‘leave’ to attend a funeral!

Wow. This is a reverse?

Of course your DH should look after his children so his mother can go to a funeral and his wife can do interviews.

If you're finding the childcare arrangements unreliable, you'll have to make alternative arrangements and pay for them

When my parents did regular childcare for me, it was always on the understanding that they might be unavailable for any and every reason and that we'd have to manage that, but they'd give as much notice as they could. Which is perfectly reasonable IMO.

Depends on the company. My company would. Obviously holiday or unpaid but they would give it

My work would absolutely give me time off to attend a funeral.

It’s unfortunate but people can’t usually plan when to die and then depending on how/where they died, there may be a delay in the expected time span for the funeral. Out of MIL’s hands - shame it clashes with your plans but that’s life and she should go to the funeral

Told my partner to tell his mum she can't go but he said she's entitled to and people don't owe me anything

Wow!!! Aren't you the entitled CF. Glad yo see your partner is a more thoughtful & decent person than you

If she was employed they wouldn't give her the time off

They probably would. I dont remember any occasion at my work where someone has had a request for time off for a funeral request turned down

You might want to also remember she's doing you a massive favour in childminding for you. She might change her mind when she realises how entitled and inconsiderate you are

That’s the trade off with informal childcare arrangements.

You need to organise paid childcare with a formal agreement and release your MiL from this obligation.