Page 35 | MIL wants to attend funeral but is supposed to be my childcare

Titchyfeep · 15/02/2024 12:39

Ridiculous that you even need to ask! YTA! Oops i mean yabu 😬

PlsSendWine · 15/02/2024 12:47

puzzledout · 15/02/2024 10:39

Have you read the OPs posts? The one where she says that her DH took tone off because the MIL wanted a trip away? Does that not show that it's been her DS that couldn't work.

So I think what you're saying is incorrect and you're cherry picking what OP says.

I will admit that if my DIL told me that I couldn't go to a funeral and insinuated that as a perfectly functioning woman that I can't go, because it was inconvenient to her, it would be the last thing I ever did to make her life easier. How dare you assume the MIL is going to a funeral to get at OP, she's going to pay respects.

You've got an equally shameful and disrespectful attitude as the OP, luckily you're both in the vast minority.

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I’m starting to wonder if this IS OP, or a friend of!

Naheeda03 · 15/02/2024 14:48

The fact this got over 800 replies says a lot about the original commentor who asked this question. Oh dear. Prob should end the discussion if I was you. Excuses excuses. Pay for a babysitter your MIL is not expected to be the full time babysitter if you get offered a new job. Tough shit. Such is life pay for an ad hoc nanny or nursery. Most people do. You are no different. Don't put all the responsibility on your MIL who even if offered to help is prob elderly and will find this long term task exhausting. Don't be so selfish for yourself. Think of her and pay a babysitter.

Carpediemmakeitcount · 15/02/2024 16:09

Naheeda03 · 15/02/2024 14:48

The fact this got over 800 replies says a lot about the original commentor who asked this question. Oh dear. Prob should end the discussion if I was you. Excuses excuses. Pay for a babysitter your MIL is not expected to be the full time babysitter if you get offered a new job. Tough shit. Such is life pay for an ad hoc nanny or nursery. Most people do. You are no different. Don't put all the responsibility on your MIL who even if offered to help is prob elderly and will find this long term task exhausting. Don't be so selfish for yourself. Think of her and pay a babysitter.

Look at the ops past history it will tell you a story.

Greenpolkadot · 15/02/2024 16:14

Your being very entitled,
Im sure she would have looked after your kids ,,but then bugger me,,,someone messes it all by going and dying,, ..How selfish are you,,?

Thegoodbadandugly · 15/02/2024 16:55

TheRedEngine · 15/02/2024 06:37

For anybody doing a funeral who is told you can’t have one for weeks, have a church service in church. And do the committal at the church doors. Then the funeral directors will take the coffin away and will arrange cremation at an off-peak time.

if you’re at a crematorium the body doesn’t generally go through the curtain and straight into the fire; they cremate in batches.

This way you avoid the ghastliness of a crematorium, you get to go straight to the wake, it’s all in a beautiful building, and you don’t have to wait for weeks to organise a funeral.

Edited

Does that mean that you effectively could be getting anyone's ashes?

BIossomtoes · 15/02/2024 17:04

Does that mean that you effectively could be getting anyone's ashes?

No, each coffin goes into a separate compartment.

SquirrelMadness · 15/02/2024 17:46

PlsSendWine · 15/02/2024 12:47

I’m starting to wonder if this IS OP, or a friend of!

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I have also wondered the same thing.

dottymac · 15/02/2024 18:00

"TELL HER SHE CAN'T GO" 😮 Jesus wept!! Do you usually behave like the world owes you a permanent favour, or is this one issue just a sore point?

Fraggeek · 15/02/2024 20:10

For future reference, your husband is entitled to dependants leave, if it's an emergency childcare issue this leaves cannot be refused and he can't be penalised. Telling an employee they can't take the time off is BS. Regardless of having recently had time off. There's no limit. Although the likelihood is it would be unpaid

ScattyGinger · 15/02/2024 21:13

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

CrazyCatLadyCat · 16/02/2024 07:31

Seriously! I can’t believe what I have just read 🤦🏻‍♀️

TheRedEngine · 16/02/2024 09:48

Fraggeek · 15/02/2024 20:10

For future reference, your husband is entitled to dependants leave, if it's an emergency childcare issue this leaves cannot be refused and he can't be penalised. Telling an employee they can't take the time off is BS. Regardless of having recently had time off. There's no limit. Although the likelihood is it would be unpaid

For your refence, this scarcely counts as unplanned lack of childcare. It’s so planned that we’ve had 800 posts on it. You can’t just take time off like that.

https://workingfamilies.org.uk/articles/time-off-for-dependants-leave/#:~:text=If%20you%20are%20an%20employee,aimed%20at%20dealing%20with%20emergencies.

Time off for Dependants - Working Families

Time off for Dependants gives employees the right to take a reasonable amount of unpaid time off work to take necessary action to deal with particular situations affecting their dependants. Employees are entitled to this right from their first day of e...

https://workingfamilies.org.uk/articles/time-off-for-dependants-leave/#:~:text=If%20you%20are%20an%20employee,aimed%20at%20dealing%20with%20emergencies.

dimllaishebiaith · 16/02/2024 10:23

TheRedEngine · 16/02/2024 09:48

For your refence, this scarcely counts as unplanned lack of childcare. It’s so planned that we’ve had 800 posts on it. You can’t just take time off like that.

https://workingfamilies.org.uk/articles/time-off-for-dependants-leave/#:~:text=If%20you%20are%20an%20employee,aimed%20at%20dealing%20with%20emergencies.

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I think your article actually proves that time off can be taken in this case - relevant quotes below from the article linked:

So time off can be taken for:

To deal with the unexpected disruption, termination or breakdown in care of your dependant (for example, if your childminder fails to turn up)

Such as an unexpected disruption to the childcare arrangements

Things to consider:
Is there anybody else that can help?
Is there any other arrangement that is possible?

The OP and her DH have considered this and found another childcare solution, but had they not been able to find anyone else they have at least covered this off

Unplanned doesn't have to mean that you haven't had warning:

However, knowing in advance that something will happen does not mean that you definitely cannot take time off, so long as the time off is necessary. In the case of Royal Bank of Scotland plc v Harrison the Employment Appeal Tribunal found that a mother who had two weeks’ notice that her childminder would not be available, and who had tried but was unable to make alternative arrangements for her children, had taken time off for dependants when she was absent from work.

NannaKaren · 16/02/2024 14:15

Funeral should take priority I would have thought 🤷🏼‍♀️💔

10ThousandSpoons · 16/02/2024 14:17

This is evil

Mamabear487 · 16/02/2024 15:09

Wtf is wrong with you!

Pootle23 · 16/02/2024 15:16

tinatsarina · 14/02/2024 08:32

So my MIL has the kids for me next Monday while I have 3 job interviews that afternoon. she's now told me she has to attend her sister in laws, brothers funeral. My parents both work so can't cover my childcare (half-term here). Told my partner to tell his mum she can't go but he said she's entitled to and people don't owe me anything. He's now potentially taking the day off even though she had already agreed to the childcare first AIBU to be annoyed that they are prioritising this funeral over the childcare?

OMG! Are you for real. How bloody selfish can you be! Of course the funeral trumps your childcare.

Can’t believe just how unreasonable you are!

lolacherricoke · 16/02/2024 17:32

Any other time I wouldn't be working this is my first position after a long period of staying home because she said she'd do childcare I've been there as a temp the interviews are permanent I can't reschedule, unfortunately, it's a position I've went to part time uni for and finally have an opportunity and yea I'm a bit annoyed that a SIL brother is taking precedence over pre planned arrangements. Mentioned that if it was to impact partners job she wouldn't go but mine seems fine 😕

Wow you really are a piece of work!! A nasty one at that!

Manthide · 16/02/2024 18:39

CheeseCakeSunflowers · 14/02/2024 08:36

I think it depends on how close she was to the deceased. If its someone she knew well then and its relatively easy for your dh to book a day off then I don't think its unreasonable. If she hasn't seen the deceased for years and your dh is putting his job at risk taking time off then it is unreasonable

OP is being very unreasonable. It is not up to her to judge whether her MiL was sufficiently close to the deceased. Its a funeral and people attend to show respect and support the grieving relatives. Her dh is taking the day off and she can attend the funeral.

Daphnis156 · 16/02/2024 18:47

Send the MIL a bill for the DH time off.

And we thought Harry and Meghan were entitled...

Calliopespa · 17/02/2024 08:42

LimeViewer · 15/02/2024 10:25

Funny how the mil must support her family, anything to support sil, but op is being literally attacked as inhuman for wanting support for can't change the date job interviews that the mil promised. Only goes one way i see, to the husbands relatives and not the dil. The vitriol to the op is quite something. I've also never thought of funerals as a gathering of anyone who might want to come but for people who are grieving and close to the deceased.

Why is the simple answer of booking a babysitter being ignored? Too lacking in drama?

LadyBird1973 · 17/02/2024 15:48

It's not always that easy to just book a baby sitter. Few parents want to leave their kids with someone they don't know. And some people live in places where there aren't many ad hoc childcare resources.

ColleenDonaghy · 17/02/2024 16:16

Calliopespa · 17/02/2024 08:42

Why is the simple answer of booking a babysitter being ignored? Too lacking in drama?

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I wouldn't leave my children with a babysitter I didn't know, and I'm sure many other parents feel the same.

puzzledout · 17/02/2024 16:19

LadyBird1973 · 17/02/2024 15:48

It's not always that easy to just book a baby sitter. Few parents want to leave their kids with someone they don't know. And some people live in places where there aren't many ad hoc childcare resources.

Best OP doesn't upset her MIL then, because then she'll have no help at all.