Taxi service for teenagers

[Bleakmidwinter1977]

Frustrated with this situation. We have 4 older teens who we encourage to be independent. We have good public transport where we live, both buses and trains, and its a generally "safe" town, with low crime rate.
Eldest son (17) has GF (18) who is ferried everywhere by her parents: college, gym, friends houses, and back home again. She is one of 2 siblings. I have no issue with what her parents do for her, that's their choice, only DH has started mirroring their behaviour and has started going out of his way to offer not only DS lifts everywhere, but his GF lifts home from ours.
It's driving me insane. They both have feet and it takes them no longer to organise making their own way between venues than it does for an adult to take them here, there, everywhere.
Both are currently taking driving lessons, GF will be given a car when she passes, so will be "independent" at that point. DS will save for his own car and expenses.

Why are you bothered? It's not you doing it.

Gave my DC lifts all the time. They grew up independent.

It is nice to do this for your children if you can, and gives you a special time with them in the car as well. It is safer too

I feel your pain but I don't know what to suggest. I don't consider car-dependency to be freedom, but many people do.

As adults, do you go places on foot or public transport yourselves?

Your pissed off because your DH gives your son lifts???? It's nice to be nice!

Ferry a 17 year old back and forth every day is not "being nice", its ridiculous given that he's almost an adult and would rather drag his dad out every five minutes because he's too lazy to get himself to the train station. Dad has other kids, health problems, job, is busy. Ferrying a teenager back and forth adds to his load, its not something he enjoys, he feels obligated, for zero reason and I'm disgusted that DH accepts knowing his dad has enough on his plate.

Special time? He's 17, not 7. He spends plenty of time with his Dad, he also has plenty of time to go get the train/bus/walk alone, like the big boy he is.

It's not you doing it so don't know why you're so bothered about it. Assuming your DH is a grown man and has the ability to say no if he wants to 🙄🙄

To be disgusted at your DH for ferrying his child about is a bit extreme. Maybe your husband realises that your 17 year old soon won't "need" him at all and wants to do this for him

Special time with a 17 year old is much rarer and harder to come by than with a 7 year old - appreciate all that you get

Mine are early 20s and at uni, but will still give lifts if I can. Especially at night, or during rail strikes etc. I love being in a car with them - it's when we have our best chats.

As long as your DC have the skills to negotiate public transport, and aren’t demanding lifts, then I don’t see why you’d get so exercised about doing them a favour from time to time. Now my kids are older I no longer have to take them to parties or host playdates, so there’s a little more time and energy in the parenting bank, some of which goes on lifts. I take mine to a thing every Saturday morning as the public transport journey’s a bit awkward and would take 1hr 15, whereas I can whizz there on the motorway in 20mins. And I agree that some of my best chats with them happen when they’re captive in the car.

Is your DH happy to do it?

I had a toddler when my dd were teens so I was less keen to play taxi. They both learnt the bus and train routes sufficiently and are now confident travellers both locally and beyond. I think independence is a good think personally. And I wouldn't feel pressured to do something because someone else is

I've ferried my children everywhere they asked me to untill they left home. I've even roadie'd for my son. I've done what my own parents never did, I always had to get myself to places and back home while my friends got picked up or just had to call. It was nót nice, so I did it differently with my own children ánd now with my grandchildren while their parents are at work. What's your problem? You decided not to do this, your husband made a different choice. Have you thought your husband actually might like to do this for his boy?

My Dad used to regularly take me places and pick me up. I used to be a bit puzzled by it, especially in the evening with the thought process “wouldn’t you rather have a drink?” (Yes I was young, dumb and full of fun)

now I’m a parent to two girls, I now know exactly why he did it. And when mine need lifts, I will be exactly the same. Especially in the evening, it means they are safe and I can spend time with them.

I’m not sure why you have a problem with this, tbh. I ferried my own kids around before they could drive. Now they return the favour when I need them to help me out. And I relish the time I get to spend with them during those journeys.

I was under the impression that being married was a partnership.
Most married adults don't just "do what they want to do", irregardless of their partners feelings and a situation we have discussed at length (and previously agreed on).
One rule for one and a different rule for the rest is not the most consistent way to parent. A lift every now and then, no problem. Taking everyone, everywhere is not feasible, nor necessary.
However, is setting the bar where he will end up driving every one around every evening/weekend.
And while he is back and forth, I'm left with five others at home.
I'd love nothing more than to go off on a jolly drive every evening with a child of my choice, however, I'm left home doing everything else.

Your DH is creating unnecessary work. If there are good public transport options your kids should be using those (tbh your DH should also be using those!)

So basically you’re annoyed he’s giving lifts instead of doing other things around the home? Or because he’s choosing to do something you don’t want him to do? Partnership doesn’t mean you get to choose for both of you any more than he does.

your son isn’t demanding or even asking for lifts. You said you DH is offering.

Basically, you need to be a grown up and use your words if this is such a big issue to you, but I definitely think you’re overreacting.

Probably should have included why it was driving you insane in your op.
So, you've got 6 kids, so a load of work for you both, and he's choosing to do an unnecessary thing to get out of sharing looking after them when it actually needs to be all hands on deck - is that it?

I'm with you OP
I don't think it's good for kids to be ferried around but I do think it's good for them to be able to make their own way around.
I do give lifts- it is nice to be nice. It's also nice to encourage them to be independent and to enable them rather than do everything for them.

It really does. It's a good opportunity to talk and enjoy their company. We did it for years, even after they could drive if they wanted a night out.
Like a pp said my parents did nothing like that and I wanted to do it differently.

You sound really angry but is it not up to your DH?
My eldest is in a student flat and I often pick him up from work (nearer me than his flat) and give him a lift home late at night. He doesn't expect it but he does appreciate it and we catch up and chat about all sorts on the journey. To me it's time well spent even if at times I could do with putting my feet up.