Taxi service for teenagers

[Bleakmidwinter1977]

Frustrated with this situation. We have 4 older teens who we encourage to be independent. We have good public transport where we live, both buses and trains, and its a generally "safe" town, with low crime rate.
Eldest son (17) has GF (18) who is ferried everywhere by her parents: college, gym, friends houses, and back home again. She is one of 2 siblings. I have no issue with what her parents do for her, that's their choice, only DH has started mirroring their behaviour and has started going out of his way to offer not only DS lifts everywhere, but his GF lifts home from ours.
It's driving me insane. They both have feet and it takes them no longer to organise making their own way between venues than it does for an adult to take them here, there, everywhere.
Both are currently taking driving lessons, GF will be given a car when she passes, so will be "independent" at that point. DS will save for his own car and expenses.

I totally get you, I was never given lifts everywhere despite both parents driving., I mean sometimes I got a lift, but I had friends who got lifts everywhere and even back at 2am from nightclubs... we got taxis. It does mild you as a more independent person though, I ended up doing a lot of independent international travel as a female student and although I moaned at the time I'm grateful for how extra independent it made me. I also had to work and save for my first car although I do think that's harder today as insurance Is so much more expensive , even relative . So I'm with you, I hate mollycoddling and being a taxi martyr. There is an argument that girls are safer in *some scenarios being picked up. I'd be annoyed with your husband and son too.

I ended up doing a lot of independent international travel as a female student and although I moaned at the time I'm grateful for how extra independent it made me.

I got lifts to work well into my twenties and also studied abroad and alone at 19. It doesn't have to be one or the other.

Well if you dh doesn't want todo it he needs to put his big boy pants on and tell him no.

It seems the teenager is the step child which explains the anger towards him.
And the husband is planning to retire forcing her to finance the house as well as do everything else while he is sailing around in the car half the day.

This extra information would have been helpful.

Me and hubby do this for our kids if we can and have no problems with it. Funny enough we were actually talking the other night as hubby was saying about convos with oldest in the car. One of the better times for us one on one chats and they let us know what's going on more in there life which is nice

So what's your point? If DH is happy to do that well done him and just let him get on with it you could even support him!
These times do pass.

Oh dear, I was driving myself from late 17 year old

@flutterby1 why the ‘oh dear’?

Really don’t understand this - unless it’s a financial issue. The car is a brilliant place to talk to teens in. I look forward to ferrying my kids about. My parents did the same for me and I flew to the US alone in my late teens. I think your kids will be fine!

I'd agree that making the most of any time with a 17 year old is worth it, they'll be gone soon enough.

Also unless you live in central London I'd be very surprised if using public transport takes the same amount of as driving. Where we live it would definitely take twice the time at least. Eg drive to friend's house in next town, 15 mins, versus walk to station, wait for train, 8 minute train, walk to destination, at least 45 mins to an hour. Or, 20 mins drive to nearby city, versus walk to bus stop, wait for ridiculously unreliable bus service, 40 minutes bus journey so again need to allow at least an hour. Plus if it's raining or cold it's not very pleasant.

If I'm not busy and it's not inconvenient I drive my teens places. Eldest hopefully will be driving herself soon (and maybe taxi driving the others 🤞)

I ran my kids everywhere. And regards your son's GF, you must realise that it's not great to have a young girl out alone, in the dark in winter, especially when there's a car on the drive!! I also ran my DD to her work and back for a year, when she lived with us - I work from home, so it was no skin off my nose.
So, I'm in your husband's camp I'm afraid.

Basically @Bleakmidwinter1977 you resent your step kids and your dh spending time with them. Nice.

The word 'ferries' drips with resentment. Your husband has offered and the kids are both taking driving lessons so clearly this is not going to be long term. It sounds like you don't like your son very much.

Why don't YOU ferry your son sometimes then, and leave your DH home to look after the other children? Easy solution.

You sound a bit weird tbh.

I can't work out why it pisses you off so much.

Growing up, my dad was a fucking ogre and wouldn't give us lifts anywhere. It was embarrassing, especially in front of friends.

Me and DH will happily ferry our 15yo everywhere.

It doesn’t get any better when they are older and drive. Today my 31 year old is out tonight after work, so asked for a lift to work, it’s a 45 minute walk from nearest station. Other 27 year old will want a lift to station tomorrow to visit GF 4 hours away and will want collecting Sunday evening. They both drive and do drive us where we want and we do use their cars if they are here.

Picking your kids up after work or a late shift at the pub is not mollycoddling them or being a taxi martyr. Nor does it make your kids hermits who will never set foot outside the house in the future. I picked my kids up and drove them to places because I wanted to. Because I wanted to know they were safe and it was a great opportunity to chat, talk things through and have a laugh. Unbelievably to some they have flown the nest as strong independent women, despite me giving lifts to them in the past when I could so easily have left them shivering in a rainy bus stop.

I can't see the problem here especially given that both teens will soon have their own transport. DH giving GF lifts home from yours is really important imo. When I am visited by teen relatives I always drive them home. I know it's stupid but I get paranoid about something happening to them on the way home from my house. I would feel somehow responsible so I always make sure I see them safely through their front door.

I grew up in a town with lots of buses and had a bike. So that was easy from about 13 onwards. Then from 16 had a motorbike.
Lived in a village 10 miles of narrow main roads from a town with cinema etc when our children were growing up. Therefore we drove them about.
When variations of this topic come up do parents suggest that motor cycle/moped/scooter would be a sensible answer? If not why not.

You can't control what other people do. When your kids meet other people there will be a clash on all sorts of values, behaviours etc. They will do Christmas differently for example. And you can't stop it! I give my daughter lifts and shevis 24. She has autism but covers it well and most people have no idea of her problems with public transport. They are probably criticising me behind my back too.

She's a step parent so resents the step children. It's a horrible Op with a really nasty, jealous tone to it. She openly dislikes the son who sounds like a, decent lad. Yet another sad example of a so called, 'blended family' just not working due to jealousy and resentment from a sp.

You and your DH chose to have (6? It’s not very clear) children but your DS did not choose to have 5 siblings.
Maybe he wants to spend time with his dad before he grows up and moves out. Maybe dad realises it too. Maybe he’s just taking the easy option but as it is an option being offered to him why are you so annoyed with him about it?
My DH will drive our DD everywhere, even if she could easily get there herself. He has health issues and this makes him want to do it more because it makes him feel useful, and he is aware that time is precious.
If this was the other way around and a dad was on here complaining he would be told to stop being controlling and allow mum to have that 1-1 time with DS.

Is the teen your step son by any chance?

Ugh is that what it is? I was wondering why she was so angry over something that seemed to barely affect her. Is this from prev posts?

Have you ever thought, what comes around, goes around OP? I’m loving life now. I want to catch up with someone and have a glass of champers, I go out for dinner, I don’t want to catch public transport etc, the expectation is that one of the kids will chauffeur me😁. We did it for many many years for them all, now they can do it for me (and DH) when we would like a lift places🤣. They can sort out between themselves who is doing it/logistics, I couldn’t care less, but someone will be giving me/DH/us a lift if and as requested. Maybe take a long term approach with this?