Taxi service for teenagers

[Bleakmidwinter1977]

Frustrated with this situation. We have 4 older teens who we encourage to be independent. We have good public transport where we live, both buses and trains, and its a generally "safe" town, with low crime rate.
Eldest son (17) has GF (18) who is ferried everywhere by her parents: college, gym, friends houses, and back home again. She is one of 2 siblings. I have no issue with what her parents do for her, that's their choice, only DH has started mirroring their behaviour and has started going out of his way to offer not only DS lifts everywhere, but his GF lifts home from ours.
It's driving me insane. They both have feet and it takes them no longer to organise making their own way between venues than it does for an adult to take them here, there, everywhere.
Both are currently taking driving lessons, GF will be given a car when she passes, so will be "independent" at that point. DS will save for his own car and expenses.

@Mickeymix When variations of this topic come up do parents suggest that motor cycle/moped/scooter would be a sensible answer? If not why not

No, I wouldn’t suggest, or encourage this. Because in my line of work, I saw many people riding such things over the decades, and it really wasn’t good. There is a clear difference between having an accident on one of these as opposed to being inside a robust motor vehicle.

I agree with you OP. I work with young adults and am forever surprised that some are unable to navigate their way around and use public transport because they have grown up totally reliant on lifts from family.

You don’t sound as if you like your son very much. IS he your son? Is that the issue.

Because I can’t think of any other reason why you would object to your husband doing something nice. He’s not out on a ‘jolly’: he’s giving his son a lift. You sound exceedingly resentful. There’s more to this than one issue.

It's only temporary. My parents did it for me (way more than I do it for mine) so I can't get too het up. It gets easier once they drive themselves.

I agree with OP. It’s breeding an entitlement attitude.

@Redkite11 not in my case. My kids are very well adjusted and appreciative of everything me and their dad have done for them actually.

I agree with OP. It’s breeding an entitlement attitude

Surely that depends on the child? My three kids can now all drive, so giving lifts is rare, unless they have gone out drinking. But we used to ferry all three around - sometimes they asked, sometimes we offered, sometimes they made their own way if it wasn't convenient. But none have an entitled attitude, either then or now. They are always very grateful for lifts, and will also give us lifts if we ask. Isn't this just how families work?

And I agree that time in the car one-to-one with a teenager is a great time to chat - especially if you've got a lot of other teens/kids at home!

OP, if you say that you'd rather be out driving the kids around than being at home in the evening, why don't you sometimes offer to do it instead of DH? It's something we have always shared.

Ah I wondered if it would be a step child

Generally think walking should be encouraged as sets up good habits for life. The amount of kids I know that can’t walk 5 minutes down the road is ridiculous. My Year 7 walks 20 minutes to our nearest town centre (also safe area) if he meets friends and then back again (obviously day time). If he can walk it, he’s walking.

I would probably still offer the late night lifts though just for peace of mind he is home, other than that, he can make his own way unless it suits you.

It's pretty obvious why OP is pissed off - because her "D"H uses the driving as a convenient excuse to opt out of doing his fair share for the family and the younger kids.

I'd down tools while he's out OP. Can you settle down to a game or a TV show with the little ones while he's swanning around doing unnecessary lifts? And of course massively reduce what you do for him. Are you the one doing his laundry?

I agree with you, OP

I thought this is the generation who are supposedly concerned with the environment, yet many of them seem happy to be run around in cars when there's a decent public transport service available to them?🙄

It's pretty obvious why OP is pissed off - because her "D"H uses the driving as a convenient excuse to opt out of doing his fair share for the family and the younger kids.

Would you say the same if it was a woman giving her teenagers lifts while her husband was looking after the little ones?

I suspect if this was a step-dad complaining he'd be told to bloody well suck it up.

The driving of DS will not be for many more months.

How about having a chat with DS.
Ask him to try to be more independent and choose to transport himself more often and to ask his Dad less.

Also ask DS and girlfriend to baby sit the other children one night per month while DH takes you out driving - to dinner, the movies, a show or something nice.

You sound like you could do with a night off and a huge dose of attention from DH.

Yes, upthread i think. It's become clear that she is sm to the 4 older children. Poor kids. Her dh wants to do something for his son while sm seethes with jealousy , verging on hate. I bet those children's wouldn't have chosen her as a sm but I guess they had no choice. She did. It's not about lifts though is it, it's about her openly disliking her step child.

Surely that's only the case if you allow it to happen?

My parents regularly offered me lifts well into my twenties but it was never expected and I was quite happy to walk or catch the bus.

I ferried my ds18 everywhere before he passed his test. Now he drives and has his own car we barely see him, he’s out having fun and enjoying his life so I truly value those little chats we’d have in the car.

I will do the same for dd15 until she has her own car. Her best friend’s parents are a bit like you and the poor girl is often having to walk miles on her own or waiting for unreliable public transport, in all weather. I will offer her a lift whenever I can cause I’m kind like that!

Not sure what your gripe is especially as you aren’t the one offering up the taxi service.

I should imagine the "little ones" would be in bed much of the time that dh is driving son/girlfriend. Even if they aren't, the other kids are teens so won't need input and Op obviously doesn't like them much so probably ignores them. In theory, she's only looking after her own 2 kids while dh is taking care of his son.

Oh god is it that woman again? She actively dislikes her stepson and is always on here trying to throw shade on him and get MN on her side, which never works. It's actually a really weird thing for her to keep doing.

So the older ones are your stepchildren. You sound jealous of them getting attention from their dad, hes doing nothing wrong, being left at home for a short while with a 6 and 8 year old and a couple of teens is no problem. You need to have a think about your attitude

Your reaction for this seems really extreme, which makes me wonder if there's something else going on. I think it's really nice that your husband is doing this for your son! My parents often gave me lifts at that age (and still would if I asked them to, at the age of 36), and I will be doing the same for my daughter x

I do think it's nice to do things for your children and make sure they are safe etc. We don't have a car but we do accompany our kids on the bikes to their activities (both teenagers) if it's dark. But they are perfectly capable of getting themselves to and from friends/activities at other times. No need to rely on public transport either.
Sitting in the car isn't the only time people can talk, I think sometimes it's the case that giving lifts in a car is an easy option for some when they don't do other things with their kids. DH's parents and my parents were always offering us lifts as that's one of the only things they could offer as it's just sitting in the car with minimal effort. For example, DH's parents never even took him to the park as a kids but was happy to give lifts etc to him as a teenagers, which he refused mostly as he could cycle. My parents were similar. Once I remember they insisted they come up and pick me up from work (30min walk) and it took way longer in the car due to traffic. But they wanted to do it as that's the only thing they could offer. Sample size of 2, so I'm not saying everybody is the same!

I agree with you-lifts to difficult to get to places etc no problem-but ferrying kids everywhere when they can walk or get the train-why? I used to share lifts with other parents which worked well. I used to give my dd a lift to her Saturday job if the weather was poor but she walked the mile there and back normally. We had plenty of time for chats.

As the teen who had to get herself everywhere in our honestly not that safe back then run-down post-industrial northern city, while my friends got driven, and my younger siblings got taken everywhere, I can see the DH's point.