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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think that ow genuinely fall for the lies their men spin?

315 replies

aimans · 13/02/2024 22:11

Men who have affairs, leave or are kicked out, destroy their children's mental health, speak awfully about their wives/exes , ignore/ let down their kids regularly especially when an offer of sex/ drink etc comes up?
The majority of us know that these men are shit in every way but do you really think that their OW's believe their bullshit or underneath it all, are cut from the same cloth?

OP posts:
determinedtomakethiswork · 13/02/2024 22:14

They are on heat at the time and believe absolutely everything they're told.

LorlieS · 13/02/2024 22:15

Absolutely they do.
Although my ex's wife is finally starting to see his true colours and not all is rosy.

Willyoujustbequiet · 13/02/2024 22:18

They either aren't the brightest to begin with or they honestly don't care.

MohairTortoise · 13/02/2024 22:21

If the OW doesn't believe what she's told, what does she think is happening?
That he's using her, that he's a pathological liar who doesn't give a shit about her, that he's happily married and just fancies a bit on the side, that he doesn't value her at all, that she means nothing to him?
You'd have to have non existent self esteem to tolerate this from any man.

Original poster
aimans · 13/02/2024 22:21

I often wonder what can be so brainwashing , that an OW could believe that a man could have an affair and absolutely turn his children's and wife's lives upside down, without at least wondering ...

OP posts:
Traumdeuter · 13/02/2024 22:23

What if they’re not lying? Plenty of people are aware that they’re participating in an affair, rather than thinking they’ve met a nice but flaky and secretive partner.

NewNameNigel · 13/02/2024 22:24

If the guy is a good enough liar to convince his wife he's a good person to marry and that he's being faithful then surely it can't be a shock that the OW also falls for his bullshit.

Original poster
aimans · 13/02/2024 22:25

I believe you're right in that an OW must have zero self esteem.. absolutely no self love or self respect to tolerate t but she does.. regularly... and they do ... hundreds of thousands of them.
Is it desperation ? Is it that their true characters cannot be masked and genuine , kind men can see that these women are simply poor quality ?

OP posts:
LilBus · 13/02/2024 22:25

My sister had an affair with a married man, it really made me see her in a different light. I actually think it made her feel “special” which is pathetic..

(edit to say she was single so not really an affair on her side just his)

Notamum12345577 · 13/02/2024 22:25

Or could it be that the women are usually equally as bad?

Original poster
aimans · 13/02/2024 22:28

Possibly pp.
possibly being bad characters also , equally rotten as their AP's or simply desperate for a man at any cost.
Maybe, we expect more of women which itself is traditional and outdated.

OP posts:
Fridaysgirl17 · 13/02/2024 22:28

My ex's OW isn't the brightest honestly she believed our newborn was a one night stand,even though we had a 3 year old as well & he lived here, apparently I got drunk one night & mysteriously got pregnant 🤷🏻‍♀️ we were together almost 5 years at that time but she is stuck with him now & has had 2 kids back to back in the last 3 years. She is his Karma though he's moved into her council house & she is not shy about letting him know it's her house & kicking him out, & putting it all on FB 🤦🏻‍♀️

HRTQueen · 13/02/2024 22:29

People have affairs for all different reasons

some it’s a whole web of lies all around other times it’s not

a man who has spun a web of lies around his affair to his wife and the ow will have stated this sort of behaviour long before he was married he will have been done before and more often than not he will do it again

WandaWonder · 13/02/2024 22:29

I think it is a game possessive thing as in the man would not be attractive to them if they were single same with some people and this MIL thing, if some women actually got on with their MIL they would not find the man attractive

It is like a competition on who 'gets him'

IremeB · 13/02/2024 22:31

If the “majority of us know they are shit in every way” why do so many women take them back after affairs?

I mean the OW knew she wasn’t being promised fidelity, the wife did - and then still took them back

is it really that inconceivable the OW fell for their nonsense?

FETFirstTimer · 13/02/2024 22:31

I think there’s a high chance the OW doesn’t care about the home situation initially.

IremeB · 13/02/2024 22:33

It’s all got a bit Reddit/incel in here

”in heat” ? Yak

Boomboomshakeshaketheroom · 13/02/2024 22:33

They're not all the same, are they?

Some women are blindsided and horrified when they find out they are the OW.

Some know but are gullible and fall for promises that the marriage is over, he's about to leave etc.

Some know and don't give a shit.

Original poster
aimans · 13/02/2024 22:36

The facts remain though ... if the kids are hugely traumatised , Mum shook to her core and blindsided , everyone knows in the community what a rat the man turned out to be and being spoken about in such a disparaging way ... surely anyone with a modicum of intelligence would not go near such a man unless she was a very very low value and poor quality woman.
Amd I reiterate .. we all know the man is just an absolute waste of space.
I'm trying to get my head round the reasoning Fr OW getting with such a rat.

OP posts:
eilaka · 13/02/2024 22:36

I think they do believe it. Often it’s very sincere when a man says that he never really loved his wife, felt trapped due to kids and all that claptrap. He will have often re written history in his own head to justify his actions so believes his own bullshit. Newsflash - nobody held a gun to the bloke’s head at the altar.

for a younger woman at work, a bloke with a bit of
seniority who trots out this bullshit seems to be believable

it’s not a cliche for nothing

Aecor · 13/02/2024 22:37

aimans · 13/02/2024 22:25

I believe you're right in that an OW must have zero self esteem.. absolutely no self love or self respect to tolerate t but she does.. regularly... and they do ... hundreds of thousands of them.
Is it desperation ? Is it that their true characters cannot be masked and genuine , kind men can see that these women are simply poor quality ?

This is ridiculous. There’s not one type of woman who has affairs, far less that it’s some kind of guarantee of ‘poor quality’. There are as many reasons as there are affairs. Absolutely affairs create chaos and heartbreak, but they’re also extremely common. You’re demonising a huge percentage of the population.

Nonplusultra · 13/02/2024 22:37

Two of the women I’ve known who’ve knowingly had affairs with married men were distinctly lacking in self esteem. One of them was quite vulnerable. The men seemed sort of predatory. A third was shockingly selfish and cold, but in the intervening years has revealed a lot of mental health issues.

I honestly can’t imagine finding a cheat attractive. I was an unwitting OW when I was young and naive but dumped him as soon as I realised. Been propositioned on the school run too, which was just grim.

Original poster
aimans · 13/02/2024 22:38

But would OW not t check facts with exw in time or at least family or friends of hers to get the truth? It's all a little too naïve sounding .

OP posts:
Original poster
aimans · 13/02/2024 22:40

But surely @Aecor whole there may not be one type of OW, they certainly share character traits? Would you agree with that?

OP posts:
MorrisZapp · 13/02/2024 22:40

NewNameNigel · 13/02/2024 22:24

If the guy is a good enough liar to convince his wife he's a good person to marry and that he's being faithful then surely it can't be a shock that the OW also falls for his bullshit.

This.

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