To think that ow genuinely fall for the lies their men spin?

[aimans]

Men who have affairs, leave or are kicked out, destroy their children's mental health, speak awfully about their wives/exes , ignore/ let down their kids regularly especially when an offer of sex/ drink etc comes up?
The majority of us know that these men are shit in every way but do you really think that their OW's believe their bullshit or underneath it all, are cut from the same cloth?

Why differentiate men and women? The type of person to conduct an affair has poor character. Or one of them is very vulnerable, or young enough to lack experience and empathy.

I’ve been the wife shattered by several of these OW. Ex wife now 🥳
I have always thought anyone who starts anything with a married man is scum. It’s black and white.
You can’t ’fall in love’ with someone if you don’t start something. The OW in my examples all knew.
I have also been approached by so many married men. You know what? I just didn’t start anything. Because they are married men.
I am not religious. I just have my own standards. Yes I know the French way of doing things and human nature and all that but if you do anything in your life you have to hide you know it’s wrong.

What a horrible thread. It suits the OP narrative to see everything as all or nothing when it comes to affairs, but there is nuance and different situations and different outcomes.

Everyone involved in these situations is a person with their own stories, motives, hang ups and personalities. Whether that's an OW or an OM, a husband or a wife. It's really just humans doing what they do.

The harlot (OW) and the angel (ex-wife) viewpoint is very misogynistic.

Why would one assume that the OW is being used?

Is it because women don't like sex so it's always a man enjoying it and a woman giving it to him to get some other benefit?

You have no idea why someone is having an affair.
Or that anyone "is falling for lies"

I think often the man sees a younger, fresher, more nubile woman and the OW sees a distinguished slightly older male with a lot of £££ and smooth talk. 😂 Both often end up disappointed IME.

Yes because they are madly in love / lust. To them he is Mr Wonderful , a wounded dove who has been treated dreadfully by his wife / partner.

I was told by my brother that a man will tell
A woman anything to get her into bed .

Yep . Once something goes up sense goes out of the window

My mum had an affair - she was married, her affair partner was married. Why this focus on the women's motivations? It takes 2 to have an affair.

I think every man and woman will have their own motivations and rationalisations - life is not simpe, there are many shades of grey. In my mum's case they saw each other as starred crossed lovers fated to be together. They did divorce their respective partners and marry. It was a long and pretty unhappy marriage, but I think having created such turmoil to be together it was far harder to bail a second time.

Both the cheated on parties eventually remarried - I know my dad's second marriage was very happy, so in that respect my cheating mum did him a favour. So no easy winners and losers - just messy human emotions.

Most people I know who have had affairs over the years have been women and they have arranged these ' exit' affairs in order to end unhappy marriages
Although the husbands involved didn't realize for ages.
I'm certainly not condoning anyone who cheats but this my own experience of a few people I've
come across or heard about

I think that it may be because they may not expect a happily married man to be paying for a membership at Match.com and Tinder? plenty of “happy husbands” there, playing to be single or separated away from people who knows they are not.

I have heard a lot of women complaining of married men in online dating, but I have never heard a man complaining about married women being there…

Very much doubt exH's OW thought she was being used.....exH was her OM.

This is a hateful thread and whilst I agree that affairs are destructive to families, misogynist views such as the ow is thick, zero self awareness, removes blame from the man who said I do to his wife.

I agree it’s a lazy trope. My friend has had two affairs. She has attachment issues I think and likes her partners less available.
She also doesn’t have kids, has her own house, good job and lots of friends. There’s nothing financially or materially to be gained from dating a married man. In fact she binned one when he split from his wife and it was clear she would need to be supporting him through the divorce.

I think the OW is a bit dim OR just very indifferent to the pain of others and thinks what the man has done to his wife he won’t do to them.

And yes I agree the OW is not to blame for a man breaking his vows. Neither is she blameless in the situation though. I wouldn’t knowingly go near a married man.

This is massively disrespectful @determinedtomakethiswork , women are not dogs on heat. Many people are stupid, give people the benefit of the doubt or want to believe what they hear, but there is no need to call them animals.

What is your point @aimans ?

Man in our town behaves entirely like a single man. No reason to think he is married. Fooled me. But I won’t be fooled again!!!

Yes.

It's easy to blame and vilify the OW, which is why so many people on here do, but if the wife thought he was a keeper then it's not too surprising another woman thought the same.

Once again, people are questioning why a woman would have the married man, and not why the married man would shit on his family.

That sounds like something a cheated on wife would say.

I know that whatever the excuses or whatever the OW believes, I could never collude with a cheating man in stealing the personal agency and right to informed sexual consent from another woman. I also could never be in part responsible for the pain the children go through when this has happened within their families. If you knowingly have an affair, you knowingly engage in the above. I’m at a loss to find anything more women hating that that but there you go!

It sounds like OP is referencing a particular situation here.

Sometimes the OW doesn't know she's the OW and falls for it, particularly if the guy is a really convincing liar.

Sometimes they go into it eyes wide open and see it for what it is, bit of fun on the side with someone they're attracted to (generally in that situation I guess there's no need for the lies, it is what it is)

I would find it hard to be with a guy who spoke disparagingly about his ex (without good reason) or who are shit fathers, either due to or as well as having an affair I guess but that would be the same whether I was an OW or not.

In my case the ow was my best friend and she went after him from the word go.

I was having mental health issues at the time as was he with 3 young children.

Yes they are still together. No she doesn't get to play happy families like she told people she wabted. My kids see their dad and love their dad but want nothing to do with her and they are all now old enough to make their own choice

So some women are predators going after weak men

These other women are just desperate of having a man, of being regarded as wanted, sexually and partnership chosen, so this is why morals do not play role there, and anyone who comes round, is taken in.

The worst I saw was a good looking man, a single mother from the school gate made him divorce, they got married and this poor ex wife still had to come and share picks ups and drops offs

Sorry, I'm missing something. Obviously that was shitty and I'm sorry for what the poor woman went through, but why would she not do pick ups and drop offs after they divorced?

And how did anyone "make" him divorce?

Edited because I got confused with school runs. Question still stands.