To think that ow genuinely fall for the lies their men spin?

[aimans]

Men who have affairs, leave or are kicked out, destroy their children's mental health, speak awfully about their wives/exes , ignore/ let down their kids regularly especially when an offer of sex/ drink etc comes up?
The majority of us know that these men are shit in every way but do you really think that their OW's believe their bullshit or underneath it all, are cut from the same cloth?

OP did your DH have an affair?

I don't think they do, I don't think they care about anyone but themselves. They know they're being used and it's lies but truly do not care enough to challenge it unfortunately.

There's nothing normal about wanting to indulge in an affair with someone whose committed to someone else. You have to be lacking in a great deal of empathy and / or emotional intelligence to do that.

I think they are only thinking about themselves and what they want.

The OW believes what they have is so special because he's willing to risk everything for her. Or that their marriage is effectively over anyway, I mean they never have sex and sleep in separate beds right? Or they are 20 years younger and don't have the life experience to see the BS for what it is. Or they don't give a crap as long as they have won and got one over the other woman. Or they see the trappings (money/status) as worth shitting over the other woman for. Any kids in the mix? Collateral damage.

theres also some people that know x person is married or in a relationship but they try to seduce and have an affair due to the challenge of it

This is a horrible thread.

Reporting for several reasons

I know a woman who the OW in an affair in the past- she claimed she didn't know, he said he was seperated and he spent every weekend in a little flat in the town his ex-wife lived in so he could see the kids, weekdays in the city where he worked long hours - and brought her out for lovely dinners and headed 'home' to see the kids on Sat mornings

It was sort of plausible that she was an innocent victim, but thrn she was a lot more frank at a hen night - of course she knew, but saw it as not her problem, she didn't care that he was cheating and lying, she had no sisterly feelings for his wife, who should have know anyway as he didn't go home till Saturday morning. I think a lot of it was an ego trip for her - I'm so sexy he's risking everything for me.

Sister of SIL so I see her at things, but I'm not a fan since she told us the real story.

Just remembered I was being reeled in as an OW when I was in my 20s, by a man 20 years older.

Guy I met through work, said he was seperated, by dinner number 3 he told me he was still living with his wife, but they were seperated. It was too much of a drip feed, and I suspect that she didn't know they were living as brother and sister, but he had to have some excuse to say we couldn't go back to his place.

Ended there for me, but I felt awful that I'd already kissed him.

Friend had a boyfriend who told her he was in the process of a divorce. She fell for his bullshit until his wife found out about her and rang up and screamed at her. That put paid to that!

Oh she is, she's also a decade younger than him so she is more about the online life, everything goes up including crap talking me, im the bitter jealous crazy ex don't ya know 😂 She knew about me & the kids but I'm sure he fed her a line but she knew he was still living here as she messaged me a cheeky message the night I caught him on the phone to her at stupid o clock. I told her in one of her many emails (it was constant at one stage) that it was him who had caused the damage etc but she was a willing participant but the ruining of our relationship was on him

@aimans the truth is an old saying right here! "A standing cock has no conscience!!!"

Makes me think the OW take it too fast to form a relationship with men and don’t get to know them first. Going slow works every single time. If they can’t wait 3-4 months while we get to know each other, they aren’t worth getting to know.

That’s not just an “OW” trait though, how many times do you see women talking about seeing someone barely a handful of times and they’re “in love. Planning their whole lives around whether he’s replied to a message quickly enough, ignoring every red flag, talking about moving in etc etc. some women are so in need of connection they’ll ignore every instinct, look for signs that aren’t there and end up being hurt.

There are OW who initiate affairs and dont care about the wife and/or kids. It's like self-preservation. They see something,m they want it, they take it. Sometimes in affairs there is no bs, just two people with no scrupules.

@Wouldyouguess , the ow my ex was involved with was like that , she seemed to see it as a victory , that she had got involved with someone with a 3 month old baby !

It's often the OW who initiates it all.

You see the OW being defended on here all the time, it's never her fault, she's always a victim

I actually like women, I’m a woman’s woman. I don’t have affairs, I actually think because I like women, so when a man blames his break up on a crazy ex etc that is a huge red flag to me that he doesn’t see any part in the breakdown of his relationship.
I have a number of friends who have had affairs, I think only one did it because of arrogance and greed. The rest have done it because of low self esteem, yes they’re attractive intelligent succesful women but they have low self esteem at the base of it. One of my friends it’s because her Dad never validated her (because she was the daughter) and she was seeking something. To the outside she looked like a homewrecker but I also saw someone sad and seeking. And at the end of the day she never made a vow to anyone. I’m not saying the behaviours ok. I’m just saying that there are often deep reasons behind it.

FFS this thread is so depressing!

The line so many trot out on here is 'oh, it's the married man at fault, that's where the blame lies'. But no... here we have what you really think! Let's blame the 'poor quality' woman who has snared the helpless man away from his family.

Why is there no term for a male 'mistress'? Because we should all paint the picture of a harlot woman who let down the entire female sex by sleeping with a guy who's already 'taken'.

To be clear - both parties are at fault (except for situations where one has been genuinely hoodwinked).

However, I do think there are so many nuances when it comes to the why. Some fall in love with this forbidden fruit, some just want the thrill of the sex, some may want something else. The 'OW' is not necessarily falling for his bullshit, sometimes they see through it entirely but aren't bothered because they're not in it to steal them away, it's just temporary fun. Immoral, heartless yes of course, but it's not always about wanting the man for themselves.

What evidence do you have of this.. the cheating husband’s word…? Threads like this seem to be often written by an aggrieved wife looking to minimise blame of her husband and maximise blame on the OW. The language of ‘low quality’ and ‘low value’’ women is ridiculous. As is the frequent assertion that ‘OW generally like a challenge’. What strikes me is that there are so many attempts at misplaced vitriolic oneupmanship from the wife that no one actually has any idea about the OW or why she is in that position.

I think, fundamentally, OW are aware that he is hurting kids and the wife, but in their mind its "fair game" and they don't see the wife as worthy or worry or concern (or the kids). Especially if the OW is younger - in her head, it will be "the wife is old and nasty to my lover, the kids just want money and maybe not even his, no one understand him like I do". They are part of The Script.

People who cheat are very good at manipulating. Men who cheat, but want to stay married are excellent at it! They feel flattered by attention and put on a show for the OW. The OW falls for it, starts to get friendly and listens to stories of the poor man and how he has a horrible wife/life at home etc.

OW feels sorry for this poor genuine man trying to do his best. Gets close emotionally and then the inevitable happens.

Wives are rarely as stupid as their cheating husbands think and know something is up. The affair gets found out and suddenly it all falls apart. The OW sees another side to the poor put upon man who when things aren't going his way can turn nasty, not only about his wife/life but towards OW.

Sometimes 2 people genuinely fall in love and live happily ever after. More often than not it descends into a tit show with everyone getting hurt and the 'poor man' trying to paint himself as the victim, blaming both women for ruining his life.

Nah… if a cheating husband can manipulate and betray his wife of years to think they are happy, he is a great partner and a wonderful dad, he can certainly convince a woman who barely knows him that he is single or that his divorce is just about to be finalised.

Obviously, it is much easier to assume the other woman is a shit person in constant heat as described in these posts, because it is easier to blame the other woman than open your eyes and accept that you have a shit husband, because believe me taking action against a cheater is life changing while blaming the other woman allows the wronged wife to keep her lifestyle and continue playing happy families.

Both wife and OW are victims of the same cheater.

PS:
Before anybody accuses me of lack of sympathy for the wronged wife, I need to point out that I had a cheating husband.. and the courage and integrity to send him to hell rather than spending my life with a man I would never be able to trust again.

This is a repulsive, misogynistic thread.

If I were married to someone who expressed some of the views expressed here, I’d be looking for a new relationship!

I thibk we are advising not to charge rent as we don't want the op to risk her equity by him "contributing to the house" which has happened in several well known legal cases.

Not as we love menz. It's factual legal advice!