To think that ow genuinely fall for the lies their men spin?

[aimans]

Men who have affairs, leave or are kicked out, destroy their children's mental health, speak awfully about their wives/exes , ignore/ let down their kids regularly especially when an offer of sex/ drink etc comes up?
The majority of us know that these men are shit in every way but do you really think that their OW's believe their bullshit or underneath it all, are cut from the same cloth?

You need to remember that the man the OW sees is your husband at his very best. Remember the man you fell for? The way he treated you? Made you laugh/feel interesting/supported/special? Well he's doing exactly the same to her. Imagine yourself at the height of your feelings for him, when he was at his most attentive. You trusted him, believed the best of him, and so does she. Of course she will need to suspend her disbelief, delude herself and turn a blind eye, but you above all people should know he's capable of inspiring those type of feelings when he puts his mind to it.

Very low value and a poor quanlity woman? How very Old Testament.

They believe it because they want to. And I think certainly in the case I’m thinking of, the bloke convinced himself so much it was all his wife’s fault that he was equally convincing to his affair partner, who then thought his wife deserved it for making his life a misery. He showed everyone else what a weak minded prick he is.

Whats interesting is despite how badly he was willing to treat his wife his new partner totally believes he’ll be 100% brilliant with her, because she’s special.

Wow. Imagine a bunch of men writing about women like this - on heat? Low value poor quality women?

How about we blame the man breaking his marriage vows and not the (other ) woman he's lied to?

That's a really good point @5128gap . However the way they behaved back then may have been 20+ years ago when they were actually single .. no wife, kids, mortgage, life stresses . Different character to the married dad of twenty years and several kids.

@nothingcomestonothing Or we blame both (if the woman knows).

Hi, Doris. I’m considering sleeping with you daughter’s STBXH. Anything I should know before giving him the go ahead?

Years ago my shitty ex cheated on me with some woman and denied it, but I found out. They then got married...and divorced. Because he was shitty. It was years later and I'm happily married, but I still took great pleasure in it and laughed my arse off that they were miserable and I wasn't some crazy whatever he called me.

I have no respect for any woman who chooses to participate in an affair with a married man despite what he may tell her.
Woman should look out for each other.
The OW at the end of my marriage was a shoulder to cry on which was strategically offered at the right time. She had been sniffing around him for years. I didn’t see her as a threat as she was much older, unattractive and quite plump. She threw her husband out and moved mine in instantly. They lasted only months and throughout this time he was begging me to take him back.I refused.
Apparently she still hates my guts a decade later!
I think she believed what she wanted to believe at the time and had no thought for our children despite having her own.
I met a man post divorce and it was an instant attraction. I went out for drinks with him and he came round for a coffee a couple of times. We kissed only but I liked him a lot and we connected. I found out after a couple of weeks that he was married with a child.
I instantly told him I didn’t want to see him again despite how I felt. I felt awful even though I hadn’t known he was married. He did try to feed me the usual crap but I wasn’t interested.
I think despite circumstances and feelings it takes a better person to do the right thing. I just wish other women would think this way. Maybe they don’t care about the damage they cause. I cant and wont be that type of person.

Again, we know the man is shit quality but it's the mindset of the woman I'm
Trying to get my head round .
I'll never blame OW for 'stealing' a husband or partner because she doesn't . Still , I wouldn't have an ounce of respect for her if she knowingly engaged and enabled his shit behaviour. Old fashioned as it may sounds.

It's old fashioned because it's a double moral standard which sets women against each other and absolves men from responsibility for their own behaviour. It's easier to use repulsive, sexualised insults against transgressing women than it is to expect men to honour their marriage vows all by themselves.

I was just thinking “what a misogynistic thread”…

“low value”
”poor quality”

Married women have affairs too…

Low value? Poor quality?

What a horrible attitude.

Maybe they both just fancy an enjoyable evening with someone who doesn't despise human beings and constantly judge them for what is pretty normal human behaviour.

It's really not' pretty normal human behaviour ', but I think you know that!!

No, not at all, any more than the men who have affairs share characteristics.

Of the women I know who’ve had sexual relationships with men they knew were married or in longterm relationships,

one was a recently-divorced mother of three who fell head over heels for a man from overseas she met while teaching a cookery course, he left his wife, they’re now married;

one was a wild young French academic casually shagging her upstairs neighbour without thinking much about it —she’s now married to someone else with a child;

one had an affair with a married colleague because her own marriage was in a bad patch (she’s still with her husband, who doesn’t know, and is happier — her affair partner ended his marriage, was single for a year and is now in another relationship);

two were graduate students who had an affair with their married supervisors — one ended up married to him after his divorce, the other left him after his wife threw him out and is now happily married with three children and herself a senior academic.

Literally the only thing they have in common is that they had a relationship with a married man.

I met a ‘great’ guy. Took things slowly and got to know him. He made a mistake with his children’s ages. I then pushed a bit harder. Nope he isn’t divorced. He was too careful for my liking with the language he used to describe being separated.

I am not some man’s sloppy seconds. He can divorce first and call me if he wants to date. His poor wife though. He has erased her from his life yet hasn’t filed to divorce her. Their youngest child is 4. If he really cared about his children he would put some effort into making his marriage work or divorce, providing proper support for the children and their mother.

Makes me think the OW take it too fast to form a relationship with men and don’t get to know them first. Going slow works every single time. If they can’t wait 3-4 months while we get to know each other, they aren’t worth getting to know.

Pretty sure the OW my dad has now shacked up with believed all the tripe he fed her 🤷‍♀️

There is usually two sides to every story. I am a second wife (NOT the OW) as they had broken up many years before we met. DHs ex wife is a diagnosed lunatic and I didn't need to be told lies as I have seen it for myself.

She sounds so classy!

With respect how would you know what is happening in your ex husband's relationship? I am on the receiving end of this type of speculation from my DHs ex wife, and she couldn't be further from the truth.

Gold digging is a very common reason ime

Security and better positioning for the ow's previous dc sends any morals and red flags out the window

Well look at the threads on here. A woman posts saying she owns her own house and she's moving a man in who thinks he just needs to pay half the bills and everything else will be taken care of. Every single time I say I think he should contribute more I get shouted down by people saying the poor man, stop trying to take money off him, stop using him for money etc. some women will always take the man's point of view. Always. A lot of divorced women have discovered that to their cost when an abusive man keeps their muro friendships and the divorced woman is cut out of those friendships.

Saying "low quality" or "low value" woman is dehumanising and horrible!
As just one example some women have anxious attachment style so find it hard to not get sucked into those situations and the manipulation wanting to believe the man is good and things are more complicated than they are.

If you research why people have anxious attachment style it's for deep almost medical reasons such as prolonged trauma or abandonment at a young age affecting the brain.
Empaths often attract narcissists as they are so kind and loyal they find it hard to not give them the benefit of the doubt no matter what.

So in response to your question yes some women obviously pare aresholes and don't give a shit about breaking up a family and know full well what the man's like but there are many that aren't and arguably are a victim in the situation too.

Yes it baffles me how woman knowingly having an affair with a married man can possibly think that man is any sort of a prize.

@KimberleyClark Women who home wreck are horrid. However, some men are such good liars they actually lead double lives. My friends husband X worked away down South all week and came back home for the weekends. She found out he had been having an affair with a woman from work and living in her house all week he was away, rather than the 'hotel.' The woman said she had no idea he was married. He had told her they were separated. She did however continue the relationship with him, I suppose she had caught feelings after a year of living with someone!!