Sad my grandchildren will go to boarding school

[MiMaMe]

I have 2 sons, eldest lives locally we see his children most weeks. Youngest lives in Paris currently, but they move somewhat often. He and his wife have a 2 year old and are expecting their second. We have come to visit them for a week.
In conversation it has come up that they plan to send their kids to boarding school as they move about every 2 years. His wife boarded from 8, weekly boarding until 11 then full boarding. She went to a prestigious international boarding school and said it was incredible. They plan to replicate this, perhaps waiting until 11 to board at all if they can.

I don’t know many people who liked boarding, we considered it but decided it was very cold. They already have a nanny who seems to see our grandchild a lot more than her parent do. AIBU to be sad about this?

YANBU it’s awful. So many people in my life with boarding school syndrome - it’s so sad seeing what it’s done to them.

Well ofc you're not unreasonable to be sad, I would be too. But nothing you can really do about it

In their situation it's probably preferable to moving every 2 years as they can form friendships etc but I can appreciate why you're feeling sad about it.

Sounds like with their work it will bring the child stability as boarding schools are a home from home now. A lot is done with safeguarding. I loved boarding and my oldest is boarding with the intention that the others will too.

If it’s very obvious that the child might hate it then that’s a reasonable discussion for them to have but them not doing it because you find it a bit sad isn’t a reason.

Do you live commuting distance from any schools they’d consider? If you do, and it suited you, could you offer to have the DC live with you and travel to school daily when the time comes?

YANBU. I know a lot of people who boarded. Any who started before 12 are definitely affected by it (different for those who were older and had more of a say in it).

We did have an overseas, moving around lifestyle. Gave it up to send our kids to the village school, friends in walking distance. Life feels a lot smaller but I don’t regret it for a second.

Your DIL obviously had a really positive experience boarding - maybe ask her to tell you more about that? Keep an open mind.

I think they will pick an international school, his partner isn’t British (She’s Swiss), their child currently mainly speaks French, our son speaks to her in English but she is surrounded by French and German (her mother speaks French and German mostly). I think they will pick a French or German speaking school.
We are in the south east so I’m sure London may have something that fits but I’m not sure and we haven’t spoke to them about it. If we could I’d absolutely offer!

Perhaps you could ask them to consider one near you, so that you could host your grandchildren for exeats and half terms?

I only know two people who went to boarding school and they both loved it. Maybe your DDIL was the same. Leave it to them to decide if it's right for their child.

I know lots of people who boarded from 11 and generally they are all really positive about it. I think you need to keep out of it.

Some kids love it and thrive, others hate it.

Some kids really want to go because all their peers are, to others it would be their idea of hell.

I imagine your child knows their own children and will do what's best for them

Worry about it when it happens. Full boarding before 11 is increasingly rare these days and there are not actually many full boarding schools left in uk at all ( a majority of sc go home most weekends). In any event, they may find themselves more settled by then and end up at day school.

They are unlikely to be in the uk. I’d imagine from previous conversations they’d look that highly prestigious international schools around Lake Geneva or Atlantic College Schools similar to where DDIL attended. I imagine these will continue to offer full boarding due to the nature of the families who use them.

Are you offering to home educate them?

Why is the alternative home education? I’d be happy for them to come and live with us and attend school in the UK.

I don’t know many people who liked boarding

Apart from your DIL apparently, who said it was incredible.

It is all a very long way off.

They might feel very very differently when their kids are a bit older and actually at the age to board. I never would have considered it, but now DS is 11 the thought fills me with horror. I know plenty of people who boarded, and none chose it for their own kids.

@MiMaMe if you're within striking distance of any boarding schools in the UK you could suggest it to your son and DIL. Boarding schools these days welcome parents and grandparents in far more for concerts, sport, plays, etc than in the past. If your son and DIL are travelling all the time, it might be a great chance to say to them that you could be close by to do all those things plus exeats, half terms etc. If you respect their decision to choose boarding, you might even end up seeing your GCs even more than you would if they moved every 2 years with their parents.

I know you say they're unlikely to choose the UK but you never know, and having you close by offering to help with the extra times might sway them towards a UK school.

When they see how small their 7 year old is, they might change their minds.

They are very lucky children. They will have an incredibly privileged lifestyle.

I am a product of boarding school and it is still a popular choice where I live.

Many kids that I boarded with were there because their parents moved a lot. I think it's worse to keep uprooting a child every few years when it's possible to have a more stable schooling.

I don't know why it gets such a negative rap. I enjoyed my time, and am still in contact with many of my school mates now 30 years on.

It may not be hugely popular in UK but it is in other countries.

Materially, yes, but that hasn’t saved my Dad or best friend from their post-boarding neuroses.

I can understand why you feel sad OP but if they seem pretty set in the idea then you may just have to trust they know what they're doing and focus on the positives - good education, good food, lots of activities with friends and they will come out with a lot more opportunities than most children.