Sad my grandchildren will go to boarding school

[MiMaMe]

I have 2 sons, eldest lives locally we see his children most weeks. Youngest lives in Paris currently, but they move somewhat often. He and his wife have a 2 year old and are expecting their second. We have come to visit them for a week.
In conversation it has come up that they plan to send their kids to boarding school as they move about every 2 years. His wife boarded from 8, weekly boarding until 11 then full boarding. She went to a prestigious international boarding school and said it was incredible. They plan to replicate this, perhaps waiting until 11 to board at all if they can.

I don’t know many people who liked boarding, we considered it but decided it was very cold. They already have a nanny who seems to see our grandchild a lot more than her parent do. AIBU to be sad about this?

Sounds to me like they are trying to do the best for their children, to give them stability of a high quality education while balancing their careers. Prestigious international school vs even the best of outstanding state secondaries in the UK. I know which I would choose.

Whilst there is at least one individual on here praising moving every couple of years, on average educational outcomes for military children are well below average, precisely because of those moves. This family may not be military but the relocating has the same effect.

I went to boarding school by choice. I had a place at a local day school and asked my parents to 'send me away'. I was a small, shy, introverted geek of a child. Yes, some boarding schools are for the sporty outgoing types. But, there is a range of different ones for different needs. I went to a small highly academic one, which suited me down to the ground.

Boarding school is a fantastic opportunity!
The only problem with the European ones is that they don't offer bursaries like British ones so the pupils don't come from a range of backgrounds, every child is from a very privileged home.
Our children love it but you have to put effort into finding the right school.

Then why don't you put it into the mix - if they don't or aren't aware that is is something you'd like to do, how wold they know?

I was a day girl at a boarding school and many of my friends wanted and asked to board. Some where allowed what we considered to be the privilege of boarding.

They want to do their best for their children, with some consistency and also a fantastic education. Good for them!

I think it depends on the personalities of the children to be honest. One of my closest friends went to boarding school and he’s a fairly quirky introvert - he got bullied like hell and had no respite at the end of the day. Boarding school was just years of ridicule and loneliness for him. A more outgoing social child could thrive though! It’s very individual.

I liked boarding school. Weekly boarded, it was the norm where I grew up as distances were large.
It was an orderly and disciplined place which allowed me to thrive academically.

Whilst I personally wouldn't send DC to boarding school, even if it was within budget, I can see why they would consider it.
YANBU to be disappointed and sad
They ANBU for doing what they think will be most beneficial for their children.

I know a Swiss heiress to a multi millionaire (possibly billionaire) whose education was like this, though she was sent to an American boarding school.

Her relationship with her parents is really odd. She now lives in another country and has done for now then a decade. They haven't visited her once.
They're so detached and emotionless. It's really odd.

So yes OP, I'd be sad. But maybe they'd do as my friend's parents did, want her to be fluent in English in addition to her home languages, and send her to a UK school, where you could at least give her some semblance of family

https://www.uos.ac.uk/about/news/new-research-challenges-the-concept-of-boarding-school-syndrome/#:~:text=In%20fact%2C%20the%20new%20research,term%20psychological%20impact%20on%20them.

New research to debunk boarding school syndrome.

Elite boarding schools tend to offer incredible opportunities. I don’t think you should feel “sad”. Being trilingual is amazing too. You should feel happy for your grandchildren.

We have some very rich and some normal people in our wider family. It is important not to judge the very rich either. I do understand that it can be difficult, but they move differently. Not to say that they are not the same, but being multilingual etc, skiing on the weekends, jetsetting, having a nanny etc all perfectly normal for that crowd. Just be a normal granny to your grandchildren and do what you would normally do. Children value the simple things, a carefully selected presents, one on one games/attention with granny etc, baking. That is what they will remember.

@MiMaMe i really think it depends on school and child etc. I loved boarding, my dad did not.

What matters is your grandchildren’s parents have made a decision they think is best for their children. So let it be and don’t obsess over it, they are v lucky in many respects to have the opportunity to be at a good school.

I don't understand the level of negative reaction to boarding school on here.

I grew up in a bonkers place where many people where quite transient and only stayed a year or two. Most of the teenagers went to boarding school (they all seemed to love it), but my parents wanted to keep us together as a family. The end result was that education was effectively trashed (10 different schools between 4 and 18) so I struggled with my final exams before university because I was inadequately prepared and my choices were narrowed substantially. (I'm not daft and still got results most people would be proud of, but not the grades I should have been capable of)

I also never got the teen experience of having really close friendships because people kept moving.

I look back and really wish I'd pushed harder to go away to school, got a sensible education that actually gave me the choices I wanted and had the opportunity to have more stable friendships.

If your DS and DIL want to stick with their high flying nomadic lifestyle, boarding school may well be a great option for their kids so they have that stability. You're not unreasonable to sad but would be unreasonable to tell them that you are!!

So they'll get the best education money can buy, make friends with the future movers and shakers of the world and gain influence in and access to certain circles and jobs that would be denied to plebs and commoners. They'll have access to sport, riding, music, drama and other excellent facilities and no doubt travel the world during the holidays on their parents' travel package.

Nope. I am absolutely not sorry for these DCs. Nice try.

YANBU, I'd feel the same OP.

Recently met my cousins new partner and within hours he was telling me how he hated boarding school so much that he never spoke to his parents again.

I understand why you feel sad about this, but to put it into perspective... it's not about you. My judgemental SIL said to me just before my son went off to boarding school (where he thrived, btw) "I could never do that." As I said to her at the time, "It's not about me, or you." Can you distance yourself from your own emotions and see this situation through the eyes of your grandchildren?

The arrogance of you!!!!!!! 🙄

Not sure you know what arrogance means.

I think it’s incredibly sad to picture a 7 year old without daily love and support from their parents. Cruel even.

Rather than your own weird version of that poster’s own experience, why not try picturing what they said happened? A happy seven year old…?

Even though the person who wrote it says they loved it? That is why it was arrogant. You assume you know better about that person's personal circumstances.

There’s no point in me saying anything. Posters who send their children away will always try to justify it as anything other than selfish and cold. Just my opinion. I don’t care if you disagree with me.

The very point of this thread is that someone finds the idea of this awful, it’s not a unique perspective.

Of course you are arrogant!

Your simpering "l want to give you a hug" when the poster has said how much she enjoyed Boarding!

Your arrogance in believing that your opinion of the posters own experience is more valid than her actual experience!

Your arrogant and pompous presumption in writing that you'd like to give her a hug! WTF!

Cop on to yourself.

As I said, I don’t care one bit what you think. Sending a 7 year old to board is wrong. I’m entitled to my opinion just as you are.

Maybe hide the thread if you’re that upset by a strangers words on the internet?

My brother thrived in boarding school, rather than constantly changing schools due to a Forces life. he could maintain friendships rather than leaving them and trying to make new ones, he got to know the teachers, and actually worked very well within the strict boundaries.

Some people just don't love their children. They will tell themselves all sorts of things, like "stability" and "opportunities" while children really need their family first and foremost.

YANBU. What's the point in having children, if you're going to send them away? And who is there to protect them from predators, bullies and all the other types of abuse that are rife in boarding schools?