Page 12 | First CMS payment, new partner wants most of it

DonnyBurrito · 14/02/2024 13:50

Hipp0campus · 14/02/2024 09:58

He has refused to show me any cc statements.

I am reluctant to pay off debt when I can't see any details. It feels like signing a contract without reading it first.

Oh, then brilliant! He gets fuck all, then.

By not being 100% financially transparent with you, he's already put one foot out of the door. There's no way I would stay with a man I had children and lived with who concealed his finances from me. So risky.

There's no way to figure out a fair amount to pay towards the monthly repayments if you can't see the statements for the past 7 years.

I would be very suspicious why he won't show you to work this out together. Is he paying escorts? Going to strip clubs? Paying for OnlyFans content? Or gambling?

x2boys · 14/02/2024 14:07

trooc · 14/02/2024 13:39

I do.

How?

Carers allowance does not cover what you said together pay each month never mind the rest of it

Week The DLA is for your child's needs i mean yes my sons DLA, goes into.the family pot too but its not actually you providing it and universal credit I assume is a joint claim?

x2boys · 14/02/2024 14:08

x2boys · 14/02/2024 14:07

Week The DLA is for your child's needs i mean yes my sons DLA, goes into.the family pot too but its not actually you providing it and universal credit I assume is a joint claim?

Show quote history

Sorry I meant to quote the Op.

zeibesaffron · 15/02/2024 16:19

Absolutely not - it is not for you or him its for your child. If he is threatening to leave then make it easy for him and show him the door - I could not be with someone who had this mindset!

Person46 · 15/02/2024 16:26

Get your child’s money and leg it!

MeridaBrave · 15/02/2024 16:26

Ask for evidence of CC payments that directly relate to your son. If he did pay for clothes etc then yes reimburse that. But nothing else.

GabriellaMontez · 15/02/2024 16:27

If you'd put in your OP

he won't show me any of the credit card statements

This would have been a lot easier. No way would I be contributing to debts that I wasn't permitted to see!!! What a joker.

chiwwy · 15/02/2024 16:32

GabriellaMontez · 15/02/2024 16:27

If you'd put in your OP

he won't show me any of the credit card statements

This would have been a lot easier. No way would I be contributing to debts that I wasn't permitted to see!!! What a joker.

I don't think we needed to know that to know he is being a twat.

People are just quick to attack an OP not being subservient.

Chab92 · 15/02/2024 16:36

If you are not necessarily ‘needing’ the money, put it in a savings account/childs ISA/premium bonds for dc so that they can benefit from it later on! If you do need it for day to day stuff please don’t pass it on to a new partner… it is payments to help with the cost of raising a child, not for an ex to pay for a new partners debts…

Willwetalk · 15/02/2024 16:42

It's hard to give a sensible answer without knowing how much of the cc bill is joint debt.

PringPring · 15/02/2024 16:52

Don't give him any money OP!!

Even now you're not working because of your shared disabled child you are still probably paying more per month than him!!

Next time he threatens to leave please pack him a bag and wave him off. You'd be better off without him tbh. You've said you are slowly improving your finances from being with your ex and living with this man child it will take you even longer than if you were a single parent.

(I'm a mum of two on carers and UC. Now there's no man child here suggesting steak and whisky in the shop 🙄 I'm much better off.)

Mumof2girls2121 · 15/02/2024 16:57

Has he been supporting you financially like the dad should have been? Has he had to use credit card to pay for things because he’s been supporting you both? If yes then help him, if not then don’t!

Isthisasgoodasitis · 15/02/2024 17:10

Hipp0campus · 13/02/2024 17:23

Getting a lump cms payment soon, first one for over 5 years!
Told DP of 7 years and hes asked for a majority of it, saying he needs to pay off debts as he's the only one with a CC and has kept me and DS supported for years ect.
I'm unwilling to help with the debts as our relationship is rocky and he constantly threatens to leave. I have had no say in the majority of things that went on the cc.
So
YABU help pay off a chunk of debts

YANBU You've waited 5 years for a payment from ex, don't give it to another man

Ask for the cc statements and calculate your addition if any

scotsmum2015 · 15/02/2024 17:19

I’m definitely a liberal! Always land in the middle! I’d say could you give him a small chunk of it that reflects his input to the household, not to cover things he has wanted but to cover things he has paid for that were essential to you all. If he cares about you all he will realise it’s money to support your child and should agree that his cc purchases for himself are not your problem x

scotsmum2015 · 15/02/2024 17:30

Just read about him not showing you statement . That’s dodgy ! Why can’t he show you ? Is he lying about what he owes or paying for stuff he doesn’t want you to know about. I’d give him ultimatum. Show and discuss what he has contributed to and is entitled to refunded ( if anything) or no money towards it and potentially “ bye! Shut the door on your way out “ as he’s obviously not being upfront with you. Maybe he has ran up debt and is ashamed but surely he’d be better telling you. If he can’t or won’t I’d explain that it’s the same as you handing money over without knowing what it’s for and it’s unacceptable. My partner had a bad gambling problem. The condition I gave him for staying together was that if it resurfaced he had to be honest and if he wasn’t and it came out I’d probably sever ties.

Iwasafool · 15/02/2024 17:53

scotsmum2015 · 15/02/2024 17:30

Just read about him not showing you statement . That’s dodgy ! Why can’t he show you ? Is he lying about what he owes or paying for stuff he doesn’t want you to know about. I’d give him ultimatum. Show and discuss what he has contributed to and is entitled to refunded ( if anything) or no money towards it and potentially “ bye! Shut the door on your way out “ as he’s obviously not being upfront with you. Maybe he has ran up debt and is ashamed but surely he’d be better telling you. If he can’t or won’t I’d explain that it’s the same as you handing money over without knowing what it’s for and it’s unacceptable. My partner had a bad gambling problem. The condition I gave him for staying together was that if it resurfaced he had to be honest and if he wasn’t and it came out I’d probably sever ties.

I thought it was the old statements showing what he'd spent that OP wanted to see and I just thought I couldn't find last months to show you let alone several years worth.

herewegoagainy · 15/02/2024 17:54

@Iwasafool surely you just log in and select the year and month?

Iwasafool · 15/02/2024 19:50

herewegoagainy · 15/02/2024 17:54

@Iwasafool surely you just log in and select the year and month?

I can for my current account but never set it up for credit card. I don't use it much and it's paid every month so never seems important. Even if it did I'm not sure how useful it would be, did the £50 at Sainsburys pay for booze or school uniform, did that £20 at Next buy me a t shirt or new underwear for the kids, how much of that food shop at Asda got eaten by my step child?

Manthide · 15/02/2024 20:11

SheepAndSword · 13/02/2024 18:17

Can he switch to 0% interest for a while?

Is it money you've been arguing about? It can put a huge strain on a relationship. I'd have a shitfit if I owed £12k, but am low income.

You need to go through it together.

My stupid ex dh was putting food on a cc but he has moved it all onto 0% now (we've been paying off his 2 and my one Cc for years- mine was because he asked me to pay for something expensive (1.5k)as his money was late coming through and he'd pay me back immediately- and he didn't). Then he took 2 ccs out without telling me and owed over 5k on them. Thankfully I finally paid mine off about 18 months ago and his final one will be paid off by June. He refuses to work and I have a mw job.

SheepAndSword · 15/02/2024 20:24

@Manthide it's such a minefield isn't it - well done on getting yours paid off once you'd separated finances.

Very stressful abusive parent is going into a care home soon so that will free up my time to look at getting better paid/full time work.

I have a cc with dd set up each month but only to have a credit footprint. I'm not their most exciting customer as I forget to use it :)

TheGreatGherkin · 15/02/2024 20:27

Why are you even considering giving him anything? The money is for your child. Wave this shitty partner off with a cheery "Off you fuck then".

Manthide · 15/02/2024 20:38

SheepAndSword · 15/02/2024 20:24

@Manthide it's such a minefield isn't it - well done on getting yours paid off once you'd separated finances.

Very stressful abusive parent is going into a care home soon so that will free up my time to look at getting better paid/full time work.

I have a cc with dd set up each month but only to have a credit footprint. I'm not their most exciting customer as I forget to use it :)

That sounds positive! I've got an excellent credit rating now though I still use my cc occasionally eg my glasses are very expensive as I have very bad eyesight but I always pay it back asap. I also have a rainy day fund.