To think someone saying "PLEASE?" Is irritating when you ask them to do something

[bottomsup12]

Firstly let me start by saying yes I know manners are good and cost nothing etc..

HOWEVER, there are a couple of occasions where I think it is rude to respond to someone who has forgotten to say please with a sarcastic "PLEAAASSEEE" when you ask them to do something.

The first occasion is, you are asking them to do something mutually beneficial, that you shouldn't even have to be asking in the first place. Like can you set a load of washing on? PLEASE.... no I am busy doing the dishes why am I even having to ask you.

The second occasion is simple forgetfulness, "can you pass me the remote" PLEASE.....

It's so aggravating..... AIBU to feel slighted and irked by that?

YABU - learn some manners

Don't forget to say please. There's your solution

Just say please 🤷🏻‍♀️ 🙄

I find it intensely aggravating when people ask me to do stuff without saying please.

Just say please in the first place. YABU.

I agree with you OP. Please isn’t necessary in these kind of examples.

Your rudeness annoys them. Start saying please.

Doesn't matter who it is or what you're asking them to do, say please. It's good manners. It would aggravate me if someone kept asking me to do things but didn't think they needed to be polite to me. The fact you're being told indicates it's a problem and quite likely habitual.

It obviously is important to the person you’re making the request of, therefore just say it.

You should start YOUR ask with the word please and stop being so bloody rude imo.

where are your manners or are you just so important they don’t apply to you?

I do think it’s possible to use the word please while being entirely rude in every way. I don’t understand why a random word tagged on changes the politeness of the request.

Issuing instructions with a please tagged on is still less polite than asking nicely.

I see the please tagged on most often when people are being bossy.

Just day please and people won't be rude (back) to you.

Yabu

Say please then

I think manners/respect can be conveyed in tone as
well as by the actual words. So - while - “May I have a coffee?” is less polite that “please may I have a coffee?”, it’s still perfectly respectful - and arguably more so than “Give me a coffee, please” said in a brusque tone. And if someone clearly isn’t trying to be rude, then it’s not on to add the “please” for them like they’re six years old.

Disagree. It's a very British thing to say please after every single request, and if you're at home you don't need to be so excruciatingly polite with every interaction with (what sounds like) your partner.

Unrelated but when I was learning Spanish, I was told it's a complete giveaway you're a (British) tourist to order at a bar or cafe and finish with 'por favor'. It's just not done and considered obsequious.

Please is when you are asking someone a favour, basically. Not when you are issuing an instruction or letting them know what’s happening next.

The worse it like we're adults, if you insulted by "can you pass the ....." without a please get a grip
Least OP isn't say "Right now get me that I demand it immediately" 😂😂

I think tone can make a lot of difference. If it is genuinely just a 'can you pop that wash on' when you are clearly busy with something else then I would react to the 'please' by saying 'alright, if you don't want clean pants anytime soon...'
But otherwise, yes, I'm afraid a please is a small thing and costs you very little to say it. If it matters to the recipient of your request then say it. If your partner would find it funny, you could make it a big dramatic please - just for fun.

Normally I would tell you to say please, but in your specific example it sounds like you're asking your lazy-arsed partner to do a household task whilst you are simultaneously doing household tasks, instead of leaving everything to you, is that right?

In which case, I can well imagine their sarcasm winds you up, when you're having to ask them to do something they should automatically be doing.

Perhaps you need to sit down with them, have a chat and explain "after dinner, when I'm doing the dishes, there's a stack of laundry to do, the dog needs walking, the kids need putting to bed and you're sat on the sofa playing with your phone, do you think I should have to ask you to do your share of the tasks, or do you think you should be acting as a grown up and just getting on with them without asking?
I am not saying please, because I shouldn't have to be asking in the first place."

Then moving forward, whenever you ask them to do a task (whilst you are doing a task) and they say "PLEEEAASSEE" just reply in a song-song voice "I'm not saying please because I shouldn't be having to ask a grown adult to do their share of the housework. Just as you're not saying thank you to me for cracking on with the dishes WITHOUT HAVING TO BE ASKED!"

Disagree. It's a very British thing to say please after every single request, and if you're at home you don't need to be so excruciatingly polite with every interaction with (what sounds like) your partner.

Better tell my British DH that. I’m not British and say please with every single request because that was how I was raised and what was expected at school. He’s a Geordie and doesn’t.

YABU

Its rude not to say please so if you you give it out you have to take it back. If you don’t want to be irritated by rude responses, don’t ask rude questions.

I'm assuming the op is in the uk not in a Spain as a tourist.

I'd always add please to a request. E.g. "Pass the salt" sounds wrong without a "please". Its drilled into us and we drill it into our dc so it's not surprising some adults flinch when please isn't said, even by their spouse.

Just say Please and you won’t need to get annoyed!

If this is your child I would say please in those instances - you’re asking them to do something to help you (albeit for the communal good).

If it’s your partner I would respond to the first one with “Please could you do 50 percent of the housework without me having to ask you each time “