To think someone saying "PLEASE?" Is irritating when you ask them to do something

[bottomsup12]

Firstly let me start by saying yes I know manners are good and cost nothing etc..

HOWEVER, there are a couple of occasions where I think it is rude to respond to someone who has forgotten to say please with a sarcastic "PLEAAASSEEE" when you ask them to do something.

The first occasion is, you are asking them to do something mutually beneficial, that you shouldn't even have to be asking in the first place. Like can you set a load of washing on? PLEASE.... no I am busy doing the dishes why am I even having to ask you.

The second occasion is simple forgetfulness, "can you pass me the remote" PLEASE.....

It's so aggravating..... AIBU to feel slighted and irked by that?

Yes!

My husband gets annoyed when I don't say please, but sometimes I'm asking him if it would be possible for him to do something. Saying 'please' sounds like I expect it to be done.

(I do generally say please and thank you)

I agree, he needs to wash his own clothes, cook his own meals if he's a lazy twat.

Precisely!!

Is he another who doesn't do his fair share of housework and has to be told?

Have you bothered to read the OP's posts? He doesn't say please himself.

No, not at all.

With the division of housework saying please would suggest it's your responsibility and they are doing you a favour which is not the case. I would probably do it back to them.

Yes, when you are asking something of someone you should say please. Just reading your post sounds like it comes with a bad tempered tone and resentment towards the people you live with.

If you feel that it wouldn’t kill the people in your house to help out a bit more then have a sensible conversation about it. Don’t snap or take a snotty tone at them about putting on washing or expect the same level of sarcasm back.

@Lifeinlists yes you've made the perfect point I'm getting at - manners is about respect and consideration more than simply words.

Just say please. There is no excuse no to.

Not even that he doesn't say please himself?

So, when you ask someone to do a chore while you're doing a chore. No, please is not necessary when you shouldn't have to ask in the first place.

When you forget, a sarcastic please is necessary. If you don't like it you'll soon remember your manners.

Since having children, I find myself on autopilot with things like this

I can't count the amount of times I've accidentally corrected a colleague when they say "what" instead of "pardon"

lol, this thread was like catnip to the posters sitting refreshing the page, desperate for some unfortunate soul to rip apart, wasn’t it?

Two wrongs don’t make a right. Keep your standards at all times. If someone else wants to be a rude imbecile, don’t drop to their level.

So you don't see anything wrong in him telling OP to say please when he doesn't say it himself?

Two wrongs don't make a right but two rules, one for men and one for women, isn't right either.

oh I love it!

YANBU. I don't think a "please" is necessary in your given examples.

It sounds like the person in question is your husband/partner, and I suspect the reason it irks you is because he's using it as an excuse to be condescending.

both of them should be saying please. They sounds as rude as each other. Let them keep their rudeness to the confines of their own house and hopefully they don't have kids - who needs role models like that?

Saying please should be automatic.
You are very rude not to.

So you say please and thank you to your husband and kids for every little thing?

I agree that with a partner you don’t always need to be saying please.

But if this is a thing that genuinely matters to your partner and you genuinely care for him, then it does no harm to say it.

If on the other hand he’s a knob and it’s a passive aggressive thing, I’d play him at his own game and take the higher ground. So “‘please would you please put the washing on please? Thankyou, thankyou so so much”

Or say “can you put the washing in?……………………………...(long enough pause)………………..………...pleeeeeeeese”

And see what he does next.

I’m divorcing a dickhead so I’ve become very cynical.

This is a good distinction. I think tagging on please to everything can sound like a demand rather than a polite request. I’d say ‘Could you put the wash on?’ then ‘thanks’ when they go to do it.

I got picked up by a relative for not saying please when I was asking a close relative to pass me something but I would always say ‘Could you pass me the salt?’ and then ‘thanks’ when they went to reach for it. Please and thanks in one exchange is overload. In more formal settings or when I don’t know someone well I’d use please.

From what you've said, I agree with you, but we don't know you well enough to know whether you're generally a bit rude/brusk.

For e.g. I wouldn't say please if I was asking DP for the remote, for example, and neither would he. We have a relationship built on respect, and that doesn't need to be displayed with every last sentence we say to each other. It's shown through tone of voice and the way we treat each other.

If you were talking to anyone else, yes, I would expect a 'please'.

YABU, just add the please, it's not difficult.