To think someone saying "PLEASE?" Is irritating when you ask them to do something

[bottomsup12]

Firstly let me start by saying yes I know manners are good and cost nothing etc..

HOWEVER, there are a couple of occasions where I think it is rude to respond to someone who has forgotten to say please with a sarcastic "PLEAAASSEEE" when you ask them to do something.

The first occasion is, you are asking them to do something mutually beneficial, that you shouldn't even have to be asking in the first place. Like can you set a load of washing on? PLEASE.... no I am busy doing the dishes why am I even having to ask you.

The second occasion is simple forgetfulness, "can you pass me the remote" PLEASE.....

It's so aggravating..... AIBU to feel slighted and irked by that?

If my DH said "What's the magic word?" to me when I said something like "Could you empty the washer while I'm sorting dinner?", he'd be an ExH. It may be okay to say to a child to teach them normal courtesy, but in this context it's patronising and extremely rude.

Doing a household chore isn't a massive favour that your other half should have to beg you politely to do.

You know what else should be second nature? Her DH doing chores without having to be asked nicely, with a "please" thrown in to make the request sufficiently obsequious for him.

Are you English because most English people saying please Is like a reflex it just naturally comes out just like saying sorry. This is where English people shine along with out amazing queing skills 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿.

What's incorrect about "what"?

This!

I even put please on the end of an Alexa request it's so ingrained!

Nothing incorrect about it, I just don't want my children barking it at me (and sounding) like some upper class toffs

The call is coming from inside the house OP……..YOU are the annoying one. Have some manners and say please

YANBU

Nah.

It’s interesting how some people see the lack of ‘please’ a bigger crime than another member of the household being a lazy arse.

Mumsnet is a wild place. Posters who act like they are the height of sophistication and etiquette who also savagely attack other posters for disagreeing with them.

also op, I’m with you, there are times where a please and thank you are right to say and times where it is unnecessary and saying things like ‘can you take my cup in the kitchen as your heading that way’ may not contain a please or thank you but I still think as long as it’s asked nicely then it is polite. Then again an ‘oi! Pass me the remote!’ Between a couple who are comfortable with that type of phrasing is also perfectly acceptable

But you're 'correcting' your colleagues, albeit accidentally.

I'm not, and don't sound like, an 'upper class toff' and I say 'what' not 'pardon'. I don't bark as a rule either. So I still don't see the problem.
I guess we may be straying into John Betjeman territory.

lol at “Don’t say ‘what?’ say ‘pardon?’”. I find it so cringe when people insist on this.

'May I have the remote control' is a full sentence

Oh I agree.

I'll never say pardon.

Given the obvious context here (a woman asking a male partner to do his fair share), it just reads like plain old misogyny to me. Women should be as subservient and grateful to their DH as possible at all times!

Not one of the politeness-obsessives has noted how rude it is to sarcastically say "Pleeease!" when another adult asks you do do a chore in your own house. Because the rules are different for men apparently.

I feel the same about people who use lol as a sentence opener and "cringe" as an adjective😂

As stated above, it's not that I think "what" is incorrect, I just don't want my children barking it at me or others. It gives off an air of upper class entitlement

I'll even accept "huh" in preference to "what"

Perhaps you don't sound like an upper class toff. I suppose we'll never know unless you provide a recording of a conversation you've had where you've used "what" in that context

YANBU. It’s not important to the person saying it - they do it to belittle you. If you never said please I can understand it, but some people just like to take pleasure from getting one over on you.

You are rude. Basic manners take absolutely no effort. Only time its acceptable is in an emergency.

You will have to forgive me. In real life if you correct me and suggest I use the word ‘pardon’ I will indeed laugh out loud.

but it does sound uncomfortably incomplete to me

Does he always say please? As in are you doing dinner tonight please?

@Richard1985 the context is where you say "pardon?" I say " what?". Different words but with exactly the same intention. Not rude.

Off to hone my toff voice now

Just say please in the first place then...