Sick of pretending to wear heels

[EarthyMangold]

I am in my mid 40s and I never learned how to wear high heels. When I was young it was the 1990s/early 2000s and we all wore doc martens or trainers with pretty dresses. I work in an industry wear high heels are inappropriate. I own a couple of pairs of carefully chosen "comfortable" heels and have worn them very occasionally for weddings/special occasions, but I really can't deal with them at all. They look nice, but I walk very strangely in them and always end up barefoot after a couple of hours because they are so uncomfortable.
I have been invited to a friend's wedding this month and I would really like to enjoy it. I am thinking to wear a black and pink dress with long (new) doc marten style boots a la 1995. I know I could get some flat "ladies" shoes but I really don't want to. I love wearing DMs and to me, it's a good look. Since it is February and the UK I am hoping to get away with it.

YABU - heels are obligatory for female wedding guests, I should at least wear flat pumps.
YANBU - I am way over-thinking this one, nobody gives a toss what I wear and the boots will look awesome.

I don’t own any myself, but from what I can see DMs are pretty mainstream these days and worn with ‘pretty dresses’ for all occasions. I wonder where these people live, who are all shocked and think they are ‘attention seeking’.

You've asked the question whether it's unreasonable to pretend wear heels (which, no, you absolutely shouldn't have to pretend), but it more seems like you're asking for reassurance RE the Docs? Personally, I don't think they are an appropriate choice for a wedding. I think flats are totally acceptable, but smart ones. However, you've said in your post you don't want to do that and you want to wear the Docs. So I suppose that's that! :)

Bit cold for February, to be fair.

You don't have to wear heels but dms with a dress is not a great look for a wedding (or at all mostly)

I'd be equally at a man wearing DM boots at a wedding.

Women have far more choice in shoes than men do.

OP could easily find more appropriate shoes that are still comfortable and don't have a heel. She just wants to wear doc martens.

I think it's disrespectful. She can manage one day without hulking great clumpy boots on.

I can't vote. I don't wear heels or anything else that causes me foot pain. I wear DMs or trainers.
However, I wouldn't wear either for a wedding. There are so many alternatives.

@EarthyMangold Another thing that has just popped into my head although not heel related, it is wedding related! When I got married I invited a work friend and her husband and I knew they would feel uncomfortable getting 'dressed up', in fact they wore jeans to get married in themselves. I made it very clear I would rather them attend wearing jeans than wear something they would feel uncomfortable in all day or not attend at all. Them being there meant far more to me than worrying about what they would be wearing 😊.

That still more or less still says that women need to be in heels. It's the need to be in heels, that needs to be gone.

Do you also think men at weddings are 'hulking great clumpy boots on'?

What would you wear that you could also walk a reasonable distance or stand most of the day in? I'm going to struggle on a upcoming holiday. Winter is so much easier.

@chiwwy

Do you also think men at weddings are 'hulking great clumpy boots on'?

What? Men aren't at weddings in doc martens. The OP should wear comfortable flat shoes. No one has to wear heels to a wedding but wearing what is effectively a worker's boot is not appropriate. For men or for women.

@Doublenoogahsilvousplait we have lots of shoes available, but not more choice in comfortable, flat shoes that fit well, especially on a budget. Pointed toes, fronts that finish round at the base of the toes, no support etc are the norm. If you add in wanted covered toes, you've got little chance of finding something.

This doesn't square with my experience at all.

I've never worn a heel or pointed toe in my life and I manage to dress appropriately for work, weddings and funerals.

I like in DM’s too, I never wear heals, don’t own any and wouldn’t buy any just for one day/wedding. Wear your boots.

This should be in classics- one half of posters telling you yabu to worry about it , the other half judging the heck out of your shoe choice.

My pretence is that I buy a fairly similar heel and a flat shoe from the same collection and switch over after my grand entrance. I grew up in docs too and my dm used to worry that I’d never be able to cope with heels. She was right.

PS I vote for docs.

Oh please, there's literally endless choices for women. Even different DMs would be more suitable, like the loafers, Mary janes or brogues.

I never wear heels. I don't feel any pressure to do it..come on OP, you're a grown up. Throw off the feelz on it.

I always say the same! My feet don't cope well in totally flat shoes either, I need a bit of arch support, which trainers usually have. I got some sandals from Clarks which are really comfortable. For lots of walking I've got Sketchers sandals and some Crocs flip flops (they don't look at all like Crocs and are really comfortable) These are similar the Clarks ones I have, I couldn't believe how comfy they are!

I went to a wedding in June where somebody was wearing a pretty dress with docs.

You mostly get the top half seen anyhow and she looked fine. Everybody's worried about themselves looking good/appropriate.

After a bit everyone will have a drink and all relax and nobody will care about who's wearing what.

Enjoy!

I haven't worn heels in about 20 years. I wouldn't wear DMs to a wedding or with a pretty dress, but I don't dislike that look on other people and I wouldn't bat an eyelid if I saw it at a wedding.

I think it's disrespectful. She can manage one day without hulking great clumpy boots on

How is it disrespectful, if they are new and clean, and match the rest of my (not controversial) outfit? Surely disrespectful would be to turn up in a white dress, or get drunk and start a fight at dinner?

Can we see your outfit?

That would certainly be the icing on the wedding cake.

It's disrespectful because there are societal norms. You can easily wear a comfortable flat shoe that's more appropriate.

My friend had her wedding in a barn in a field. We all wore wellies. It was fun but that was part of the theme of their wedding.

So if they're happy with it then fine, crack on. But I'd never assume. The default should be a more appropriate shoe that is comfortable to wear. Not a workie's boot.

But some mens shoes are bigger and weigh more than OP's doc martens. Why don't you think the men are hulking around in their clumpy shoes?