Sick of pretending to wear heels

[EarthyMangold]

I am in my mid 40s and I never learned how to wear high heels. When I was young it was the 1990s/early 2000s and we all wore doc martens or trainers with pretty dresses. I work in an industry wear high heels are inappropriate. I own a couple of pairs of carefully chosen "comfortable" heels and have worn them very occasionally for weddings/special occasions, but I really can't deal with them at all. They look nice, but I walk very strangely in them and always end up barefoot after a couple of hours because they are so uncomfortable.
I have been invited to a friend's wedding this month and I would really like to enjoy it. I am thinking to wear a black and pink dress with long (new) doc marten style boots a la 1995. I know I could get some flat "ladies" shoes but I really don't want to. I love wearing DMs and to me, it's a good look. Since it is February and the UK I am hoping to get away with it.

YABU - heels are obligatory for female wedding guests, I should at least wear flat pumps.
YANBU - I am way over-thinking this one, nobody gives a toss what I wear and the boots will look awesome.

Oooh you are wise, @Wimpeyspread ! Love this.

Maybe the post helped her reach a decision?
And your second question makes no sense. She obviously is bothered about getting her outfit right, it just doesn't fit what you think she should do.

If I had a friend whose usual dressy outfit was a dress and DMs then I'd totally expect her to wear that style to my wedding. I wouldn't be offended at all!

I saw all sorts of outfits at my wedding - as long as you don't go all dressed in white, knock yourself out.

You should wear what you feel comfortable in. I’m sure your host knows your style and would expect to see you in something that reflects that.

OP, I'm 49 and don't wear heels either.

I've got a few pairs of DMs - 8 and 14 holes - and I wear them to all the time for everything. DMs and a dress is my standard attire.

I have a couple of 'quirky' pairs of shoes with kitten heels but I very rarely wear them. I'd probably choose something similar for a wedding.

Absolutely no need to wear heels, but DMs to a wedding is a statement that may or may not offend.
Why can't you wear a slightly smarter flat shoe or boot?

Wear what you want. All I cared about was that my guests were happy and comfortable.

I never wear heels. DMs with dresses are a 'look', so go for it.

I went to a wedding where the bride was in New Rocks. They looked great. Before my own wedding the vicar asked if I'd be in DMs or new shoes. I went for new shoes but it could have gone either way. Just because you are at a wedding you are still you, I've never understood the need to pretend to be someone else. My long haired groom was pressured by family to have his hair cut, on the grounds that in the future the wedding photos would look dated. All wedding photos look dated after 20 years, that's the point, to preserve how things were at a moment in time.

After years of wearing heels to look more attractive, I now have bunions. I've spent the last 5 years wearing flats. My bunions no longer hurt. I have told my daughters not to make my mistake. We do it to ourselves. You rock your doc Martins and enjoy wearing them.

Heels are dated and ugly, and bad for your feet.

DD will be wearing DMs at her own wedding. She wants to be comfortable and she wants her guests to be comfortable.

I won't be wearing them because they aren't right for my near spherical feet. But I will find something comfortable.

Painful/uncomfortable feet show in your face.

At my son’s wedding there was such a mixture of styles, was lovely to see!

I was very curious on how you pretend to wear heels like if you're on tiptoes or your shows are flats that look like heels from the side or something. I'm slightly dissapointed😅

Anyway, I can't be bothered with too mane dress rules. If you're watched, somewhat polished and wearing a nice dress and FM goes with your style and are styled to your attire. Go for it!

DMs really arent a good look for a wedding. No need to wear heels, but definitely wear nice flats!

Depends on where you went out. Was wearing trainers in the 90s to superclubs like Cream...heels worn clubbing were for the provinces. But at that time it was still heels for the office and certainly for weddings.

Offices fell first and more recently special occasions

Heels are outdated IMO but boots are inappropriate wedding attire.

If you decide to wear heels then try wearing them around the house and progress to the supermarket. You might feel like a Wally but you can hide them under bootcut jeans. The trolley helps for balance and support.

Never take them off in the day as it's too painful to put them back on.

Alternative is smart flats or open shoes depending on weather and venue.

I love boots but would honestly judge someone wearing them to a wedding in the same light as I would judge someone turning up to a wedding in jeans or shorts. Boots arent appropriate and you know it. Weddings are one of those days, like job interviews, where you turn up and do what is expected of you for the sake of 1 day.

So why are you bothering to ask when you aren’t actually going to change your mind at all?

I don’t remember what the majority of people wore on their feet to my wedding. I do remember one guest had light up boots for the evening and they were amazing!

When people judge this stuff at weddings, I just assume they aren’t having a good enough time. And if a bride gets upset on the day by a guest’s choice of shoes, she is marrying the wrong person!

I say this is as somebody who loves getting dressed up and wearing heels etc but do not care what other people wear at all.

I think you can wear whatever shoes work for you (although probably not trainers to a wedding).

I wore Dms with dresses in the 90s too, but I was young!

I think there are lots of flat or flattish shoes that would work with a dress better than DMs personally. But if you like the look, you go for it.

So why are you bothering to ask when you aren’t actually going to change your mind at all?

Because collecting the opinions of others has helped me see that the worst case scenario is that I will look a bit out of place. Plus a number of people have said they think it's fine, which makes me feel validated. Surely that is the point? 😁

Why is one pair of shoes over another 'bothering'? I don't understand how one pair of shoes = effort and another (well made and expensive = not bothering.
DMs are not 'ugly' either as a PP said. They may not be to your taste, but they are a definite style choice.
As for wearing 'pretty flats' I can't. My feet are a size 10 for a start, so nobody much makes them. Then I can't wear anything in a 'dolly' type shape, Mary Jane's etc because the front of the shoe rubs within about 4 steps (yes, even if they fit well).
DMs are fine.

I don't think sturdy work boots, which is what DMs are, would be suitable for a wedding at all. But you don't have to wear heels. There are a million different pairs of stylish or pretty flats.

This is nonsense, most guests won’t be in the slightest bit bothered about someone else’s footwear. Those that do need to get a life.

I don't wear heels either and I do wear DMs, but for a wedding where the dress code was cocktail or formal, I'd go for flats, sandals, ankle boots or nice flip flops.