For not allowing ex to take 1 year old to America

[MissNP196]

I have an 18 month old who my ex only started consistently having in November (he has her every Saturday, no overnight stay) which has been going well.

A few days ago, he suddenly announced that he would like to take her to America in April to celebrate his grandparents birthday. I said that as nice as it would be for her to meet her great grandparents, the trip is far too much, too soon, as she is only 1 and has never even spent a night with him. I feel this holiday would be extremely unsettling for her as she would be in an unfamiliar environment with unfamiliar people, without her mum.

Was my response unreasonable? Ex has responded angrily saying her will seek permission from court. Does anyone with experience of this know if this would likely be approved?

Op, you are doing the right things. Keep doing them.

The court may be curious as to how he can afford to cross the Atlantic and take you to court but not provide for your DDs badic needs or contribute on a regular basis to her upkeep. Taking you to court may end up benefitting you!

Incidentally, neither the UK or the US have grandparental rights to a child and a young baby will not notice the occasion but she WILL miss her mum.

What he might do is push back the date of the America trip.yes I think the court would grant him the visit if its 2 months hence because realistically an 18 month old cannot remember much longer than a couple of weeks

That struck me earlier.

You an refuse she’s very young and he’s no consistent care for her and is a risk to not return would seek legal advice sooner rather than later

Not a chance he would get permission for that from any court. He is totally unreasonable, however, if he wants to add court into the mix you may well want to give child maintenance a call.

You could apply for a child arrangements order which would entitle you to take her abroad without his agreement for 28 days but he would still have to seek yours (assuming it was granted)
It's highly unlikely he would get permission to do this from the court. Your arguments are sound. You've offered overnight to build up the relationship and he hasn't taken you up on it. You aren't saying never, you're saying not yet, because it's not in her interests to be separated from you for so long with someone she doesn't know well.

Family court won't get involved in maintenance.

Technically yes but there's nothing that will come of it

Yes absolutely maybe not for this time but if he takes it to court there is no reason (that I know of) why he wouldn't a court order protects all parties its a good thing because then he can't deny OP a holiday because it should be written that both parents have the right to take the child on holiday overseas it usually states that the passport resides with the child in their main residence the travelling parent needs to give flight times and details length of stay (last one I saw was capped at two weeks) only allowed to take place in school holidays no fines to be accrued etc etc

It's not that easy, don't worry

Think you are completely right not to let your child go. If you are planning to take your child abroad again in the near future you might want to consider planning ahead as by the sound of him he could try and make things difficult.

Ex has responded angrily saying her will seek permission from court.

Well, that would be the clincher in my mind. He's just a bully

Family court won't get involved in maintenance.

Maybe not, but no harm in pointing out to this total arse that threatening court works both ways.

When will women learn to stop having babies with such terrible men? Sorry, to say that but jeez.

Sorry that last paragraph is victim blaming my ex husband was "a good guy" right up until we had children its not something anyone who knew us predicted

I would not allow this. If he wishes to take you to court and a judge rules on it then so be it. But I would not allow it until then. What happens if he doesn’t bring her back to the UK?

And money to take you to court! He won't get permission to take her. Got to CMS x

@ilovebreadsauce no I didn't break the law. I did get his permission and had a letter

If he can’t even supply a cot etc at his own home how does he think they will magically appear at his grandparents ? Or maybe he expects them to arrange everything.
And he thinks he’ll cope with a one year old on a 7-8 hour flight? 😂

No.
I think, if i had to, I would allow my son to go with his dad to a different country without me, our son is 2 and us 3 all live together and I would just about okay it.
equally I think our son would miss his dad if I took him out the country alone.
not even had an overnight? No chance!
as for no child maintenance I’d be fuming he can afford to go America!

Courts wouldn’t agree to this. My ex wanted to with my 2 year old, the judge said it’s not something he would agree to with any child under 5.

No way, she’s far too little.
If you haven’t already (let’s hope he hasn’t!) do apply for a passport for her PDQ, and make sure he can’t get his hands on it!

It would be reasonable to ask him to give you a suggested plan that he would commit to, to work towards him being able to take your DD on holiday.

This would specify what he will put in place before having her over night, within what timeframe. How he sees an overnight building up into several nights, again, with time frames (not a couple of months! enough time to prove his commitment to being a responsible parent that you and DD can trust).

Basically, what he plans to do to turn himself into a sort of father who could safely care for his daughter on an overseas trip, and can be the starting point to try to come to an agreement about what are the milestones he needs to reach.

I suspect he won't come up with one - but you can show you are open to him developing the sort of relationship where this could be beneficial to your DD.

If he does the work, over a period of time, then that would be the point where you can consider whether the specific trip he is suggesting is one you can agree to with your DD's best interests at heart.

When he demonstrates that he's a responsible parent I.e. Paying for his child on a reliable, regular basis, then perhaps you could you consider him taking her for longer. Not on vacation.

He sounds utterly feckless, let's face it.

And yes, go to CMS.

Because he obviously needs it.

What a deadbeat this guy is.

He won't take you to court because he can barely manage to hold down a job and failed to see his DD for most of her life. So let him spin his wheels while you keep notes on everything and apply for CMS immediately.

Think it would be cruel for the poor child and so irresponsible of him to even suggest it. She’s just a baby and she’s not even staying overnight with him in this country, let alone America.

I can’t imagine any court in the land would sanction him taking her or feel it’s in her best interests.

If he can afford America then why is he not paying maintenance?!!!

Think you are completely in the right OP.