For not allowing ex to take 1 year old to America

[MissNP196]

I have an 18 month old who my ex only started consistently having in November (he has her every Saturday, no overnight stay) which has been going well.

A few days ago, he suddenly announced that he would like to take her to America in April to celebrate his grandparents birthday. I said that as nice as it would be for her to meet her great grandparents, the trip is far too much, too soon, as she is only 1 and has never even spent a night with him. I feel this holiday would be extremely unsettling for her as she would be in an unfamiliar environment with unfamiliar people, without her mum.

Was my response unreasonable? Ex has responded angrily saying her will seek permission from court. Does anyone with experience of this know if this would likely be approved?

Only if they ask for it. In 12 years of holidays, I’ve only been asked to show it once. Always have it but only been asked once. And I have a different surname from my kids.

How things currently are he would be luck to get a court date within 2 months

Have to agree. The Court won't see this as a priority as the baby isn't at risk of any harm by staying at home with you.

Let him apply if he wants to.

I would just reply:

Yes I took her on holiday with me as I'm the parent that has had her every overnight. I am happy for you to start increasing your time with DD and have her overnights and then work up to you having her for a week for a holiday. Hopefully in a few years a longer trip to the States would be a great experience for you both.

Sure he can take it to court but they will just say it's needs to be built up with regular consistent contact.

Yes, he can apply to the family court for permission but considering your updates, it is unlikely he will do this .

If he’s been inconsistent in her life and never had her overnight then it definitely isn’t in her best interest. Tell him this factually (not angrily) so that it can be on record if he does go to court they can see you only have her best interests in mind rather than punishing him.
If you haven’t already, go to CMS. Again, if he’s saying he can’t afford to pay maintenance for his Dd, but can afford trips away, you should have an argument here also.

Tell him what he can do is work up to being able to do trips with her, but this needs to start with supporting his Dd by paying towards her care, having her overnight and more often - consistently.

Also, if he has a US passport just be wary of him taking her there.

As pp said. He won’t get a court date in 2 months lol !

Just say a huge NO, end of !

Not a chance in hell.

Is he on her birth certificate? Does he have PR?

Actually ask him for his suggested contact pattern to work up to him having her for the 1/2 weeks full time.

It will soon show that he hasn't thought it through.

Did you know DWP are going to give CSA new power to take CMS from parents bank accounts if they fail to consistently pay and the process would take 6 weeks instead of 6 months. New punishments parent refusing to pay money taken from bank account and loss of driving licence. I hope they bring this in quickly. If he's not had your DC overnight before no judge would allow him to take her out the country for time unless your DC had overnights with Dad in UK first.

Also, if he has a US passport just be wary of him taking her there

My thoughts too.

I think i was told once that it’s more of a case of the other parent having a right to actively stop you

I haven't applied for CM as I do receive it occasionally (£120 a month) but on the months I don't receive it there's usually a sob story explaining why he can't pay it.

I do agree that I need to apply for it though. Will look into it today.

They already have those powers. The CMS can remove driving licenses, remove passports, force the sale of a house, send you to prison etc. They have huge amounts of power and options. They don’t use them. They don’t have a mandate from a Tory government to actually use their powers. New legislation with these powers written a different way with a different process won’t change anything. It’s lip service. They can already do all of that.

You don’t need to look into it. Literally just call them and open a case. They’ll take it from there. If he is employed then it is fairly simple and if he doesn’t pay then they will apply for a deduction of earnings order and take it directly from his employer, but you will need to call them repeatedly to push for that and make yourself a nuisance to get it. But he may just pay it if you’ve done it officially.

It is harder if he is self employed or job hops.

Yes, like saving up for a holiday

@Itslegitimatesalvage he definitely job hops. Last year he changed jobs 4 times.

This too, in case he decides to stay there and doesn’t bring her back.

That would be terribly traumatic for this little child who barely knows him. Is he really stupid/ignorant of developmental psychology/just doesn't care about distressing and traumatising his child?

He doesn't have citizenship in the US, his grandparents just fell in love with it and decided to move there some years back

The US is a signatory of the Hague Convention.

Edit: removed US passport for children info

OP, the US is quite hot on non-US parents entering the US with children without the other parent present. They tend to ask for proof of permission.

Not the US but I've been to Canada many times-I always get asked if I have permission from my child's other parent to travel with her. I'm a single parent so just take her BC as her father is not listed on it

So try not to worry about this...

Of course you can just say no, but do it in writing with reasons as above.

It takes time, money and effort to take people to court for anything. There's absolutely no guarantee he'd get a date in time (many posters here seem to think that's the case) and it is vanishingly unlikely the courts would say to a flakey father 'yeah sure, that's in the kid's best interests.' They're usually not keen on being used as pressure or bullying tactics either.

But you MUST show willing, ie clear communication with a plan to work up to overnights in the first instance. CMS claim also shows you are putting your child's interests first by the way, it's in their best interest for you to have enough money to take care of them!

Unfortunately the police will not intervene in these matters, even with a child arrangements order.

I agree with others, that he needs to build up to it, for the child's sake as it would be a lot to going from spending 1 day per week with him to all week with no comfort from you OP.

I am usually a very strong advocate for fathers but he needs to consider your child in all this.

He also would have no chance getting it before the court by April. It wouldn't be considered urgent enough to have an urgent hearing I wouldn't have thought.

Shows how little understanding he has and how little he cares for her. Of course you can take her on holiday as she is with you every day anyway - identical relationship, different venue!

Him taking her will turn her little life upside down! How does he not see that?

CMS - let them decide what he can or can’t afford! In terms of court, I know very little, but could they even make a decision within the timeframe he has given?