For not allowing ex to take 1 year old to America

[MissNP196]

I have an 18 month old who my ex only started consistently having in November (he has her every Saturday, no overnight stay) which has been going well.

A few days ago, he suddenly announced that he would like to take her to America in April to celebrate his grandparents birthday. I said that as nice as it would be for her to meet her great grandparents, the trip is far too much, too soon, as she is only 1 and has never even spent a night with him. I feel this holiday would be extremely unsettling for her as she would be in an unfamiliar environment with unfamiliar people, without her mum.

Was my response unreasonable? Ex has responded angrily saying her will seek permission from court. Does anyone with experience of this know if this would likely be approved?

Fuck him. I wouldn't trust him. The audacity that he wants to take her away yet won't pay maintenance.

Also, threats to take you to court. Let him. He cant even pay CM so wheres the money coming for a court battle?

Radiation? I've not heard of that before.

It's not like it's a huge problem but it's a totally unnecessary trip, so it's just another downside.

She's far too young to be away from you for so long when you are the main parent in her life. Court wouldn't grant it.

Grandparents are unable to fly here as his grandmother is too unwell apparently. So DD's "only chance" of ever meeting her is if she goes to America.

Shame he didn't think about that before

Have you suggested video calls? If he says no, that should give a answer of his intentions

video calls are good. I facetime a relative in Australia. Not been out to see them yet with my kids as i just cannot stand to do the flight until they are older

Op many people have asked but you gmhavent responded ylto the question as to whether he has PR?

Yes he has PR. I thought all was well when DD was first born so didn't hesitate to put him on the BC but then he left when she was 10 days old.

@MissNP196

Yes he has PR.

Well, damn.

Do you think he would seriously go to court over this? Does he have the financial resources or if he doesn't, would family pay his legal fees?

If the answers to either of these is yes, then you need to see a solicitor for legal advice. Don't wait until he actually files court papers. Remember, the best defense is a good offense.

I have just paid for some legal advice and this is the response I got which is reassuring:

@MissNP196

I think that does sound reassuring! I'd follow their advice and either file the prohibited steps request now (preemptive action) or at least have the papers drawn up so they can be filed immediately if he keeps threatening to take you to court.

Does ex have ties that keep him in the UK (job/career/partner/property) and would necessitate his return? If not, I would decline and get a court order (or whatever it is you need), that bans him from taking her overseas. May have watched too much TV, but would never allow my ex to take a child overseas unless he was utterly tied to the UK and I knew he would have to come back.

YANBU. I don't understand how he thinks he can take care of her in another country (not even his home) when he hasn't even taken care of her for one night??

That being said, I guess you just have to say it in a nice way and maybe suggest it when she's older. Or, you go with him (all expenses paid maybe?)

Completely agree with the above!

Why are they all the same. My ex apparently cannot afford maintenance but can afford £800+ for two nights at Lego land! They’re delusional.

YANBU. I don't understand how he thinks he can take care of her in another country (not even his home) when he hasn't even taken care of her for one night??

I think his DPs aren't aware how little contact he has with his DD and he's probably thinking his DM will do most of the care when they're there.

His DPs are probably asking to see both of them and just don't understand what an utter shit Father their DS is.

Good that it's going to court you can then get a court order stating who the child lives with so you can get her back easier if he tries to keep her

Chances are he will get the holiday and a reality check on his own child's needs

Chances are he will get the holiday and a reality check on his own child's needs

Lots of PP, including me, have said he'll be lucky to get a Court hearing before the holiday. Do you really think he'll be granted permission to take her to America?

The court will consider the affect on your DD’s relationship with you and there isn’t a child psychologist on the planet who wouldn’t say the relationship/attachment would be disrupted. As far as such a young child is concerned you would have abandoned and rejected her. Result: fast track to an attachment disorder.
Besides the Family Court prioritises the needs of the child and a meeting with great grandparents has absolutely no relevance to such a young child who won’t retain a memory of it, anyway.

Fuck that.

File for child maintenance.

Feels a bit like he's trying to do it on the cheap too while she's still a lap child

Big nope

So dies this mean the op broke the law taking her child abroad on holiday without her ex's consent

Consistent, reliable parents can take young children on holidays, he isn’t one.

Is he really motivated enough to take you to court?